Introspection And The Power Of Becoming Self-Aware – Lesson 2 – The Benefits Of Introspection

Introduction

Welcome to Lesson 2 in my Introspection And The Power Of Becoming Self-Aware course!

You are probably familiar with self-awareness, but if somebody asked you to define it, you may struggle to find the right words.

If I’m being honest, there was a point in life where I became self-aware of how self-aware I was. It happened when I was explaining an issue to my doctor. He leaned back, steepled his fingers, and said, “I’m not sure I’ve met anybody so in touch with what’s going on in their body. It’s incredibly self-aware.”

From that moment, I bragged to people about how self-aware I was, seemingly unaware in my self-awareness of how big a jerk I must have sounded. I ended up talking about it so much that it was an excuse to hide from the truth of self-awareness.

I wasn’t being mindful of my weaknesses and strengths. I wasn’t being honest when processing my thoughts and dealing with my emotions. I convinced myself I was self-aware and that made me a better person. I stopped looking for my motivations and desires and made it up. From that made-up desire and motivation, I could base my actions and decisions on a lie. My self-awareness had brought me to this point.

Well, what I perceived to be self-awareness based on the fact that I was aware that emotional stress was causing the physical symptoms I was experiencing. What I didn’t realize at that point was that I had it all wrong. What I saw as strengths were weaknesses and vice versa.

Self-awareness begins with introspection and self-reflection. It is a process, a journey you walk through life. Becoming self-aware has numerous profound benefits.

The True Definition Of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is simple, in theory- it’s simply a greater understanding of who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what helped shape you, and how your behaviour (or even just your presence) has an impact on others.

It’s safe to say that self-awareness and emotional intelligence go hand-in-hand. People with high levels of emotional intelligence tend to also have high levels of self-awareness.

More importantly, perhaps, self-awareness and emotional intelligence are two wildly popular traits with potential employers. Of course, they are also important traits for potential romantic partners.

Now, you might be asking how you become a more self-aware person or what skills are involved.

I want to highlight a few symptoms that might indicate you lack self-awareness, but I’m not just going to point out likely symptoms – I want you to see how you can improve from those points if any are relevant to you.

For me, it’s important that you see what happens when you lack self-awareness, that you know how to correct it, and that you know what that looks like after the fact.

Micromanager

Are you a micromanager? If so, you probably have a good reason as the majority of micromanagers are perfectionists at heart. Or perhaps you’re micromanaging because this is your first time leading a major project and it all rests on you. Or maybe you’re dealing with somebody you know needs to be pushed. Those sound like valid reasons to micromanage, don’t they?

There’s just one thing missing – a greater understanding of how your need to take control affects others. When you micromanage, you demoralize. You signal to others that you don’t trust them, whether it’s a point by point list for your spouse or you hover behind people at work. You make assumptions about others and tear them down.

So, how can you be more self-aware in this situation? You can start by recognizing that you do not exist in a vacuum and you have to work on trusting others. Remember, you’re working to the same goal.

Faultless

How often do you find a way to lay blame elsewhere? Something has gone wrong, you played a role in it, but you have a better fall-guy so you walk away squeaky clean. We like to put situations in context, particularly when we feel under attack or know we weren’t to blame.

If your response to critique, criticism, or feedback is yeah, but… then, the reality is you’re looking for a way to deflect negative attention you don’t want. It’s an understandable response, but have you ever thought how that looks to others? It looks like you’re somebody who avoids accountability. It looks like you’re dismissive.

How do you overcome this type of habit? You need the awareness to see how people react to how you express your feelings and opinions. It’s related to emotional intelligence in that you have to be able to separate your own thoughts from the observations you make of others’ behaviour.

When you slip up, take accountability. People respond positively when you acknowledge your mistakes instead of trying to blame others.

Defensive

Do you get angry or upset when somebody offers feedback? Do you view all feedback as unwarranted, harsh, or unexpected criticism? Do you feel negative emotions swirling within you when a colleague critiques you?

If so, you’re going to have to check why that upsets you so much, and once you’ve done a bit of self-reflection, you will know next time why you react so harshly.

Feedback is a normal part of life, whether it’s at work or at home. The majority of feedback is offered to help you grow. It isn’t always personal, even if it might feel as though it is. The reality is that nobody is perfect and growth matters. It won’t be easy to accept, and you will naturally feel anxious in the face of unexpected criticism. However, it will help you identify areas ready for growth.

Careless Words

Wouldn’t life be easier if everybody could just read your mind to know that you’re angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, or upset? It would certainly be easier than trying to express your feelings. It’s certainly safer emotionally to say I’m fine when you are not, in fact, fine. We want people to view us as confident, competent, and capable, and the best way to avoid confrontation and deflect emotions is through passive-aggressive behaviour.

If you are careless with your words or engage in passive-aggressive behaviour in an attempt to communicate, then you’re guilty of two things. The initial behaviour and also setting unrealistic expectations for the people around you because they are not mind readers, no matter how much you’d like them to be.

You’re also exhausting everybody involved, including yourself. When you’re dealing with strong emotions, always take a moment before you respond. As tempting as it is to bottle up your issues, you have to find a way to express it fairly. It’s a delicate balance.

Humourless

A lot of people struggle with a fear of embarrassment. Nobody enjoys feeling embarrassed and for many, it evokes feelings of shame. So, when you feel bad and you find yourself in a situation where you’re the butt of the joke, laughing is the last thing on your mind. Instead of laughing it off, you get angry and lash out at the people around you. Instead of sitting with the discomfort, you find a way to distract yourself by deflecting.

Self-awareness means accepting that you’re upset, ashamed, or embarrassed, and laughing about it anyway. It might sound like a small thing, but when you can laugh at yourself, it shows that you are aware you can make mistakes and have accepted that it’s something that happens sometimes. It’s not that deep.

You’re Not Listening

Are you a good listener? If your answer is yes, I encourage you to ask why you believe that to be true.

Think about this. You had been working on a project and you finished it just in time to meet the deadline. You felt nervous about your work. There were some other bits and pieces that you would have liked to include, but you didn’t have time. You did have an idea that could strengthen the overall response, but it was too late. Despite all those nerves, your presentation got great feedback. Everybody responded positively, except for one single person.

In this situation, who did you choose to listen to?

Did you focus on all the positive responses? Or did you dwell on the person who didn’t respond positively? It was probably the latter, which means you aren’t really listening, are you? You chose to dwell on the response that got you in your feelings, confirming your insecurities. Is this something you do often?

Do you think about what you’re going to say and wait until somebody stops speaking so you can jump in and say your piece? If that’s what you do, are you listening?

When communicating, listening is key. That isn’t some major secret, but it isn’t easy. It’s what and how you listen that matters. Listen to everything they have to say, not just the parts you want to hear.

A Three-Fold Process

If you are going to change your life, you want to change it for the better and you want that change to have lasting effects. Regularly practising introspection and self-reflection can help you take action today to protect your goals in the future.

Self-awareness should be actionable. For accessing this insight, the process is three-fold.

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