How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 4.4 – Blended Families

Welcome to Lesson #22 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

In the last lesson, you explored challenges that money and work can present to your relationship and how you can use them to enhance your relationship instead. In this lesson, you’ll delve into the other hot topic in relationships: children.

This lesson is about managing the challenges of bringing children into your relationship, making yours a blended family.

The Other Parent

You only need to go as far as fairy tales to hear horror stories about step-parents and step-children. Although you know that fairy tales sensationalize these situations, children may not know this. They may be frightened, resentful, or looking forward to the new situation.

There are millions of successful and healthy blended families. Yours can be one of those. It takes all involved parents to make life easier for everybody by engaging in healthy, open, and regular communication.

Let’s look at some situations of blended families:

1. Children with only one parent are the easiest situation, since you’re adding fewer people into the new family. The “non-present” parent is a part of the family even if not with you.
   • The emotions of the children determine how easy the blending of your family will be. If the parent has walked out of their lives, the children will feel confused, angry, and hurt.
   • If the parent passed away, the children may still be coping with grief. They may also be resentful of someone coming, as they see it, to take the place of the parent who died.
   • If there never was another parent, the children may be resentful of having to share their parent with someone else.
2. The most challenging situation involving children is when one or both parents use the children against the other parent.
   • This is an emotional minefield. The parent using children as a weapon to cause pain is difficult for all. If both parents are doing so, and you’re not that parent, there is little you can do about the situation.
   • The children are caught in the middle and their emotions will be volatile. If they are angry with you, don’t take it personally. It’s not about you.
3. Healthy parents working together for their children make it easier for blended families.
   • The children will still have challenges in adjusting to the new situation. When all involved communicate and support each other, as well as set clear boundaries with the children, a potentially difficult situation can be fun and enriching.

The “New” Parent

As the “new” parent, you have the biggest adjustment in parenthood. Yes, your partner will need to address the emotions of their children, but they know their children. You don’t.

Be aware of several dynamics that could affect your relationship with your partner:

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