How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 4.2 – Outside Friendships

Welcome to Lesson #20 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

This course is about keeping the fires burning in your relationship. You’ve demonstrated your commitment to your relationship by getting to this point. In the last lesson, you learned about the need for personal space and how some need more space than others. In this lesson, we’ll discuss friendships.

The best long-term partnerships are those that begin with friendship. At the beginning of relationships, people find it difficult to believe they need friendships other than their partner. It’s time to delve into the need for other friends in addition to your partner.

The Need For Other Friendships

You and your partner are amazing people with gifts, talents, and interests. Some of those you have in common. They probably drew you together. Others you don’t share. You may have an interest in some of your partner’s interests, but not as strong as they have.

The key to having outside friendships is the comfort level you each have in sharing each other. If you use communication skills and fun rituals or games to keep your relationship strong, you’ll be able to enjoy each of you having different friends.

Outside friendships give you variety as well as the opportunity to explore different aspects of yourself.

Consider these benefits:

1. Add excitement to your life. You each need time to explore your passion. In pursuing your interests, you’ll meet different people you enjoy. Each friendship adds excitement to your life and expands your horizons, while adding to your fun as a couple.
   • For example, perhaps you’re an avid marathon runner and your partner is an amateur chef and Food Network fan. When the big race comes, your partner will want to cheer you on. And who wouldn’t want to share wonderful food?
2. Take a break. As much as you love each other, there will be times you need a break. Sometimes you’ll get on each other’s nerves. Short breaks to engage in activities you enjoy gives the space needed and renews your friendship with each other.
   • Remember that introverts need more time alone. An extrovert will gravitate toward group experiences while an introvert will engage in more solitary or quiet experiences.
   • Accept and enjoy your differing personal needs for activity and companionship.

What Are Acceptable Friendships?

Some people are comfortable with their partner having friends of either gender, while others are not. This is an important area to discuss as there are differing needs and expectations. If one partner feels more strongly about this than the other, use your communication tools to sort out feelings and expectations.

Here are some possible areas for discussion:

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