How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 4.1 – Everyone Needs Space

Welcome to Module 4 of the “How To Keep The Spark Alive” course!

In this module, you’ll learn about the different needs people have for personal space. Some people are more private than others. Others reveal information you might wish was kept private.

This important information may assist you in understanding or avoiding some tensions in your relationship.

Let’s Get Started On Lesson 19

In the last module, you learned about areas of disagreement in relationships. In this module, we’ll go in depth into the need for personal space and boundaries.

As you move through the lessons, keep in mind that everybody is different. Some people need more personal space than others, just as some people are more revealing about their thoughts and feelings than others.

Let’s begin by looking at why personal boundaries are needed.

The Need For Personal Boundaries In Relationships

No matter how much you love each other, you’re different. In this course, you’ve been introduced to the differences in how you handle communication, anger, and social interaction.

People who need less personal space and desire more connection often feel insecure with partners who are opposite of them.

If you need less personal space, and your partner needs more personal space, you might want to use a mantra such as, “My partner’s need for personal space is about them, not about me.“

A Personal Space Exercise

The amount of personal space needed by any individual may be different according to the emotional atmosphere at the time as well as the person involved.

Here’s a simple exercise to discover the amount of personal space that you and your partner require:

1. Determining your space. Stand about ten feet apart facing each other. The one going first walks slowly towards the other. The second person puts their hands up when the one walking is close enough. It’s that simple. Then the next one does it.
2. Repeat the exercise with each of you having an image of the last time you each felt:
   • Angry with each other
   • When sad
   • When scared
   • When happy
   • When amorous
3. Discuss your results. Use the Reflective Listening process to discuss what happened.

The Why’s Of Personal Space Differences

People who need less personal space have a difficult time understanding why others need more personal space. Let’s look at some research on the topic.

People with more anxiety and those known as highly sensitive need more personal space. People needing more personal space have an active parietal-frontal network, which is in the brain.

Consider these facts:

1. Their comfort level with others coming close to them is smaller than most people. This means they need more personal space.
2. Their sensitivity to stimulation (sounds, sights, emotional energy) is high. Sometimes they need to get out of the room and away from people completely.
3. This is about their needs, their comfort level, and not about their partner.

Introverts vs. Extroverts

Introverts need more personal space than extroverts. Introverts are more sensitive to the brain chemicals dopamine, which brings excitement, and acetylcholine, which brings calm.

See how these brain chemicals affect introverts and extroverts differently:

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