How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 3.6 – Fears Can Challenge Your Relationship

Welcome to Lesson #18 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

In the last lesson you learned about fun games or rituals which, when done daily, will strengthen your relationship. The lesson before that was about games which can separate you from each other.

In this lesson, you’ll address fearful feelings, often long-standing, which can cause complications in what you and your partner have. You’ll examine two basic fears and learn some strategies on how to handle them.

Fear Of Rejection

Fear of rejection is irrational. Know “irrational” isn’t a negative word. It just means that your fear is not based upon thoughts and facts. All feelings are irrational, even love.

With fear of rejection, you have the irrational fear that people aren’t going to want to have anything to do with you because of what you believe, how you look, what you do, or other criteria.

Fear of rejection can interfere with every relationship you have:

1. You’ll be reluctant to join groups.
2. You’ll stay away from new friendships.
3. You’ll be tense and nervous because you’re waiting for people to tell you they don’t want you any longer.
4. You’ll avoid being emotionally intimate with your partner because of fear they won’t like who you really are and then leave you.
5. Because of your fear, you might misinterpret comments or actions your partner makes, causing tension between you.

Fear Of Abandonment

Abandonment fears usually come from a loss you experienced in childhood. This could be the death of a parent or primary caregiver, or divorce of parents. Not having the emotional care and nurturing needed as a child can also lead to fear of abandonment.

Fear Of Abandonment Shows Itself In Many Ways

The fear revolves around being left by the significant people in your life.

This fear can result in:

1. Not wanting to be abandoned, you’re reluctant to enter a relationship.
2. Being clingy when in a relationship because you don’t like being alone.
3. Being jealous for no reason because you’re afraid someone will take your partner away from you.
4. You can be controlling – keeping track of your partner and their actions.
5. You emotionally distance yourself in the relationship, so you won’t hurt as much if your partner leaves you.

Strategies To Overcome Fears

There are a number of ways to overcome fear. They range from cognitive therapy, to hypnosis, to energy healing, to affirmations. For some people, one method works wonderfully. For others, a combination of methods is needed.

Try these strategies:

1. The first step is to realize what fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real
   • Fear is based upon something which happened in the past or something you think could happen in the future.
   • When in fear, you’re not in the present. People report that when a car is coming right at them, or a loved one is dying, they rarely feel fear. They’re right there in the moment.
2. Understand that fear is an energy. Consider the word “emotion” – energy in motion.
   • You can locate the energy in your body and change it. Locate where you feel the fear in your body, then focus on it. If it moves, you move your focus with it.
   • Observe how the fear in your body changes as you focus on it. Keep at it and the energy of the fear will disappear.



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