How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 3.2 – Handling Anger

Welcome to Lesson #14 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

Communication is an everyday event. As you discovered in the last lesson, it’s especially important during times of stress. It’s also crucial when children are part of the new family.

Regardless of how good your communication is, someone will get angry at some point. In this lesson, you’ll learn the real reason people get angry, the different ways people respond to anger, and the differences in how people handle their own anger.

The True Cause Of Anger

Anger is the result of loss – it’s the second stage of the grief cycle. Most people think of the grief cycle being related to death, a tragedy, or the end of relationship. You can experience grief at any loss, such as a job, money, things, or even safety.

When you and your partner are angry, think about what you lost. This is where you begin your conversation.

Consider these ideas:

1. There are additional feelings hiding beneath the anger. These are the feelings to discuss when you’re engaged in Reflective Listening.
   • Fear is often hiding beneath anger. Fear has you feeling weak and powerless while anger has you feeling strong.
   • Sadness can also hide beneath anger. Sadness has usually been present for a while before anger surfaces.
   • Jealousy can also be beneath the anger. Jealousy, however, is more connected to the fear of losing something or someone.
2. Anger is a strong emotion. Treat it gently.
   • You may need some cooling-off time before you sit down and discuss your anger. Just be sure that you do sit down and talk about it.

There are different ways people cope with their own anger:

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