How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 2.2 – You’re Both Learning

Welcome to Lesson #8 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

In the last lesson you explored how family patterns, personal preferences and how your brain functions can affect the way someone communicates.

This lesson put down another layer to the foundation regarding personal differences in communication. Being aware of personal differences can assist you in accepting others as they are and adapt how you interact with their style.

Getting To Know You

Consider this question: How much do you want to know your partner?

When you were first dating you wanted to get to know each other. You telephoned, you texted, you dated. You talked. You listened. You learned.

People communicate because they want to know something, even if it’s what time to be ready for dinner. What do you want to know about your partner? What do you want your partner to know about you?

• Hopes and dreams?
• Feelings?
• What’s important?
• What makes you hurt?
• What makes you laugh?
• What makes you feel good?
• What’s most meaningful in life?
• What they want from you?

Your desire to deeply know each other, as well as what time is dinner and when the next appointment is, will keep you talking to each other. As long as you have the desire to know more about each other and to live a fulfilling life together, you’ll want to share your life through words.

Give Yourselves Time To Learn

As discussed in Module 1, moving in together takes your relationship to a new level. You don’t have the privacy and down time from each other that you used to have. You don’t have the space from each other you once had. (You’ll learn more about space in Module 4.)

In the last lesson, you explored assumptions. You’ve each formed some when you were dating. Be open to discovering that some of what you learned when dating may be different now.

When dating, you have a tendency to be on your best behaviour. That can change when you’re with each other more often.

Consider these changes:

1. When living together, you don’t have the energy to always be on your best behaviour.
   • It takes time and energy to communicate well. When you’re tired, the tendency is to not try as hard as when you were dating.
2. You become used to each other and aren’t as polite to each other.
   • You may begin to take each other for granted and not think you need to continue the niceties such as “please” and “thank you,” or even “I love you.”
3. You think the “getting to know you” mode is over. You forget that you are both changing and there is always something to know about each other.
   • The only time there is nothing left to know is when someone has died.

Getting to know each other takes time and effort. Give yourselves time. Don’t expect that your partner is going to know everything about your wants, needs, and desires. Those may change for each of you as you age.

When both of you want to know more about each other, talking on a deep level is easier.

The Power Of Listening

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