How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 2.3 – Communication Differences

Welcome to Lesson #9 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

In the last lesson you learned about the importance of listening, asking open-ended questions and finding the right time to communicate. We also discussed some differences in the ways people communicate.

In this lesson, you’re going to explore more in depth some natural differences in how people think, express themselves, and feel surrounded by people.

Understanding The Role Of Introversion And Extroversion

In Lesson 8, you were introduced to the concept of introverted thinkers and extroverted thinkers. Let’s delve more deeply into this topic as it will help you understand the differences in yourself, your partner, and others.

Most people think of introverts as being shy and withdrawn from others. This isn’t correct. Understanding introverts is more complex.

There are three types of introverts:

1. Social introverts
2. Introverted thinkers
3. Those who are both

Knowing characteristics of an introvert will assist you in understanding why they often like being alone.

Consider these important characteristics of introverts:

1. A social introvert needs alone time. The more socially introverted they are the more alone time they need.
   • Being with people, especially in groups, drains the energy from a social introvert. To recharge, social introverts need to be alone.
   • If your partner is a social introvert, they’ll need time apart from you. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. They just need to spend time alone to get their energy back.
   • If you’re both social introverts, you’ll both need space from each other. There is nothing wrong with your relationship. You simply need alone time to recharge.
2. An introverted thinker sorts through their thoughts and feelings internally. Even if they’re the expert in a subject, they’ll take a few seconds to gather their thoughts before they speak.
   • Introverted thinkers are private people. They keep their inner world close to them. When introverted thinkers share their life with you, they have handed a sacred part of themselves to you.
3. A person who is a social and thinking introvert may seem withdrawn from you and the world. This can create challenges, especially if sharing is important to one member and not the other.
   • If you’re an introvert, know your needs to recharge. If you’re an extrovert, know an introvert’s behaviour is not about you. Be adaptable and be patient.

An individual can be an extroverted thinker, socially extroverted, or both. Consider these characteristics:

1. A social extrovert needs people to recharge. Being with a group recharges them. They love parties. They’ll strike up conversations with anybody one around. They are very social.
   • Being alone is draining for a social extrovert.
2. An extroverted thinker thinks out loud. This means they may begin their thought process with one idea and end it somewhere totally different. They’re not changing their mind. They’re examining their options aloud.
   • When you ask an extroverted thinker a question, they’ll answer immediately.

Extroverts have a difficult time understanding introverts. Introverts can find extroverts overwhelming.

Two Different Ways Of Looking At Life

Some major miscommunications occur because people look at life differently. We see it in politics, families, business, and religions. The source of the problem can often be identified as the thinker versus the feeler.

A thinker can feel, and a feeler can think, but they make decisions differently:

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