How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 2.1 – Don’t Count On Mind Reading

Welcome to Module 2 of the “How To Keep The Spark Alive” course!

The hallmark of a pleasant living experience with your partner is communication. Communication not only makes life easier, but it also moves your relationship to a deeper level of intimacy.

In this module, you’ll learn basic and important strategies in communicating effectively with each other that will benefit your relationship.

Let’s Get Started On Lesson 7

In the last module you examined challenges with merging two different personalities into the same household.

In this module you’ll discover attributes which can affect good communication.

Your communication styles began before you met each other. It began with how you grew up. You also have different personality characteristics which affect your communication with each other.

This, and the next lesson, lay the foundation for healthy communication practices. To integrate the information in this module, begin practising what you learn as soon as possible.

Are You A Mind Reader?

If you believe you know what your partner is thinking and feeling, you could be setting yourself up for some challenges. You might be right some of the time, but let’s look at what can happen if you make assumptions about your partner that are incorrect.

Making assumptions about another’s thoughts and feelings has consequences you might not be aware of:

1. Privacy is invaded. Remember the “Private” area of the Johari Window? That area is special or sacred to each person.
   • It’s up to the individual to share the private part of themselves. When others assume that they know that private area, the first individual can feel violated.
2. When people assume that they know what another is thinking or feeling, they are implying they have power over that person.
   • Rarely do people feel comfortable when others know something that they’re not ready to share. They become guarded and defensive if they’re feeling “read” by another.
3. When someone makes assumptions, they already have a fixed idea about the situation.
   • It can be difficult to move away from the initial assumption. This can colour the rest of the conversation.
   • Making assumptions can shut down communication before it begins. This can damage your relationship.

You Might Be Right

There are people who are more intuitive than others. They have an ability to “read” the subtle shifts in body language. Some intuitive people say they can “feel” the emotions of others. They may be right.

The longer you know your partner, the more you’ll learn about them. You’ll be able to know when they’re not themselves, when something seems “off.” You may even know how they act when there are challenges at work, or with the parents, or the bowling team.

When you know something is off, ask how the day went. You might even ask if they’re okay. If they choose not to tell you, avoid taking offense. Just give them time.

It’s Not All About You

Communication is an exchange between two people. Because honest communication is important, keep in mind that you are two different people.

Even if you’re concerned about your partner, there are times you need to give them space. Yes, you might be worried that you’ve done something or that their mood is about you. That’s an uncomfortable situation for you. Still, give them some space.

There are several reasons not to insist that someone talk before they’re ready:

1. Some people take more time to share what’s happening. Their being reluctant to immediately share may have nothing to do with you.
   • Introverted thinkers take time to mull things over. They want to be sure they understand what’s happening within them before sharing.
   • Extroverted thinkers have a tendency to process their feelings out loud. Extroverted thinkers often have a difficult time understanding introverted thinkers.



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