What Really Warms A Woman Up To You And Turns Her On

Too many men have entirely the wrong idea about what turns a woman on, so I’m hoping this article sets things right.

And just so it’s clear, this is not an article about sex and foreplay per se – it’s more to do with what warms a woman’s heart (and what might put her in the mood for intimacy and sex).

But before I get into that…

What Does NOT Turn A Woman On?

Generally speaking, the following are not going to endear you to (most) women:

• Arrogance, which is taking self-confidence too far.
• Bragging about how much you earn, their car, your sporting prowess, etc.
• Lack of hygiene, because women want somebody who takes care of themselves.
• Laziness (e.g. being without a job and not looking for one either), because that suggests you won’t carry your weight in any partnership.
• Mother’s boy, because women want somebody who can stand on their own two feet.
• Narcissism, because it makes it look like you only care about yourself, which is not how solid long-term relationships are built.
• Obsession with work, because it implies you are not going to be committed to your relationship.
• Outdated attitudes to women (e.g. gender roles) because that suggests she will not be treated as an equal partner in your relationship.
• Rating women (e.g. on a scale of 1 – 10), because unless they’re entering a beauty contest, most women do not want to be judged solely on how they look and be objectivized.

There are, of course, many more ways in which a man can turn a woman off, but these are some of the more common complaints.

So, let’s move on to the more positive factors…

What Turns A Woman On

Any or all of the following can warm a woman’s heart

• Books. When a man has a lot of books in the house, especially on a variety of topics, it signals that the man is open to learning, can probably hold an intelligent conversation, and is educated. (Unless, of course, the books are for show only, but you can fairly easily tell the difference.)
• Compliments. This works far better if you compliment her on something other than her beauty – which isn’t to say that many women don’t like to hear that you find her beautiful. But try complimenting her on her choice of outfit, or characteristics such as being funny or empathetic, and see the difference. And, it should go without saying, the compliment needs to be true and sincere, and definitely not idle flattery.
• Conversation. If you can have a real conversation with her, asking questions, listening to what she is really saying, paying attention (i.e. no playing around with your phone, and remembering what she said days or weeks later), and allowing the conversation to be two-way instead of you being the one who does all the talking, then she is going to appreciate that.
• Cooking A Meal. When a man cooks for his lady, and demonstrates he knows what he’s doing in the kitchen, it shows not only that he is capable of caring for you and playing his part in a relationship, but also that he is not an old-school chauvinist who sees cooking as a woman’s job.
• Dancing. Back in my day, this meant ballroom dancing, and going for dancing lessons with the lady who would be my first wife was one way I chose to spend more time with her. These days, of course, dancing means much more, but either way, a man who shows he can dance (and enjoys it) is demonstrating he can be fun to be with. There is also, of course, the anecdotal evidence that a man who can dance to the rhythm is also good in bed, but I cannot speak to the accuracy of that. 🙂
• Doing Household Chores – Without Being Asked. This shows you understand it takes two to make a home work, you are willing to do your bit, and you’re not treating her like a servant.
• Driving Confidently. This does not mean being aggressive or showing off or treating other drivers and pedestrians like garbage – it means showing that you can drive safely and considerately, and respecting the machinery.
• Emotional Maturity. This is a big one for a lot of women, given that, in general, they develop emotionally far quicker than most men, and are better at expressing how they feel, so a man who shows that he can match her is going to have a big advantage. In practice, this might mean no sulking, no tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants, and, equally important, being able to talk about how he feels and being supportive of his lady’s emotional state.
• Gentlemanliness. These are the small things (e.g. opening doors, including car doors which is done less frequently thanks to remote door locks, holding hands, carrying bags, pulling chairs back, walking on the outside along the pavement / sidewalk, helping her on or off with her coat) that were once more common than they are these days. There may be women who say they don’t appreciate such behaviour, but the reality is that most women do like such thoughtful touches. This one could easily be expanded to the broader arena of courtesy and politeness and good manners, not just to your lady but to everybody.
• Hugs. A non-sexual hug can be a wonderful turn-on, especially if you approach her from behind and kiss her neck. Of course, you need to make sure it’s safe to do so (e.g. she’s not handling a hot pan) and appropriate. (Hugging also has health benefits too – for both of you – which you can read about here.)
• Kindness. This is another big one, and I’ve written an article about this subject, which you can find here.
• Massage. You don’t need to be a professional, but being able to give her a good back or foot rub shows that you are willing to put her needs first. The fact that massage is a great prelude to sex is by the by. 🙂
• Passions. Having interests or skills, outside of work, can be a turn-on for women – provided they are not obsessions.
• Pets. Having a cat or dog, for example, shows that you are capable of caring for somebody or something other than yourself (which may be an important factor if the woman wants to have children later on).
• Plants. This is similar to a man having a pet – taking care of plants shows you can look after others.
• Sense Of Humour. Yes, almost everybody says they’re looking for somebody with a GSOH (which is the common abbreviation for Good Sense Of Humour), but what does this really mean? It certainly doesn’t signify that you should try to tell jokes the entire time, because that can become real tiresome real fast. Instead, it means being able to laugh at yourself a bit (i.e. you don’t take yourself too seriously), come out with appropriate and relevant jokes, irony, anecdotes, etc.
• Small Surprises. Giving a lady a random gift (i.e. a “just because”) says a lot, and as the initial words suggest, this does not have to be an expensive or grandiose gift – something small (e.g. a single rose, even a cheapish necklace) shows that she means something to her. Another thing you could (and should) do is send her text messages occasionally – to say you’re thinking about her, or looking forward to your date). Obviously, you shouldn’t overdo this one, or it will cease to be a surprise.
• Socializing. If a man can demonstrate that he is capable of mixing with others, it shows a woman that his presence is enjoyed by others and that he is capable of making connections.
• Whispering. This is not something that would be appropriate on first meeting or on your first date, perhaps, and according to some women, it doesn’t really matter what the words are, because it’s the physical closeness that is important.

Conclusion

Many of these turn-ons are somewhat common, but of course each person has their own too, so you should try to find out what they are.

And while even one or two of the above are good, their effect can be cumulative – the more you do, and the more regularly you do them, the more she is going to be attracted.

If you’re ever in any doubt, remember the simplest life advice that anybody has ever given – don’t be a dick. Kindness and respect go a long way, not just with women but in life generally.

Finally, there will be exceptions – people are different – so if something doesn’t work, just move on and try something else.