How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 5.6 – Can Relationships Survive Without Sex?

Welcome to Lesson #30, the final one, of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

In the last lesson, you learned some ways to spice up your sex life. Certainly, the ideas presented gave you some other ideas.

But what happens when you or your partner can’t have sex? Is that the end of your relationship?

There’s A Difference Between Can’t And Won’t

Sometimes you can’t have sex because of health challenges that prevent sexual relations. The health challenges can be temporary or permanent. It’s a different issue when you can but you don’t want to have sex.

If either of you stop wanting sex, there are a few actions you can take to find out what’s happening:

1. Communicate. Sit down with each other and use your Reflective Listening skills to discover what’s happening. Not wanting sex is usually complex.
   • Are there physical reasons?
   • Is there emotional disinterest? This is a relationship issue that may require the assistance of a therapist.
   • Is someone having an affair, or do they want to end the relationship? This is painful for both parties and a therapist may be needed.
2. Go to your health care professional. Medical evaluation is needed if there is no emotional reason.
   • There could be a hormone imbalance.
   • Depression can cause disinterest in sex.
   • Some medication can zap libido to where there’s no interest in sex. This includes some antidepressants and blood pressure medication.

When you can’t have sex due to physical issues, both of you will have emotional reactions, especially at the beginning.

For example, if you’re fighting for your life due to a debilitating disorder such as cancer, MS, or other medical diagnosis, your life is centered around personal survival, not sex.

Use these strategies to help you both work through this challenge:

1. Keep the lines of communication open. Either of you may have some feelings you don’t want to share with the other because you don’t want to frighten them.
2. Find a support group. This is not something you have to handle alone.
3. Touch each other. Hold hands or put a loving hand on your partner’s shoulder.
4. Strengthen your emotional connection. In these situations, intimacy comes by connecting emotionally with each other.

Can Relationships Survive Without Sex?

The short answer is “Yes, relationships can and do survive without sex.” The more complicated answer is, “It depends upon the relationship and the reason why there is no sex.” Let’s look at both of these.

It Depends

Relationship survival depends upon whether sex is the only thing holding the relationship together. If sex is the primary component of your relationship and there isn’t a strong emotional component connecting you, chances are you’ll go your separate ways.

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