How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 1.5 – Did I Make A Mistake?

Welcome to Lesson #5 of the How To Keep The Spark Alive course!

In the last lesson you learned how minor issues can explode into major issues and how to prevent that from happening. You also explored how each of you could have different perspectives on an issue.

In this lesson, you’ll explore ways to evaluate your concerns that you may have made a mistake in moving in together or in getting married.

The Absolute Danger Sign You Should Leave

This is simple. If you’ve been physically threatened or attacked you need to get to safety. Once safe, find someone to assist you in sorting out the rest. Just be safe.

That said, let’s move to the usual challenges people face when merging two lives.

Merging Lives Takes Time

We live in an impatient society. Consider this. When you boot up your computer, how long does it take before you get impatient? I bet not long.

You may think it should only take a couple of weeks of living together for you to be functioning together easily. That’s not an unusual thought, but it’s unrealistic.

The biggest disagreements between couples are a matter of perspective. It’s how each is viewing the same issue, but differently. You could say one is at the tusk of the elephant and the other at the back end getting dumped on.

Two amazing, independent beings with different habits and expectations are merging their lives. It takes a few months to sort those things out and establish new habits.

Give yourselves some time, at least three months. If things have improved, but are still a little rocky, give yourselves another couple of months.

Review Your Strengths

Sometimes people allow their self-doubts about situations crowd out the good things which are happening.

Doubts are often based upon emotions. Take some time to look at things objectively:

1. Do you and your partner listen to each other? Giving each other your full attention when you share your day is indicative of interest and caring.
   • Eye-rolls or a reluctance to share or listen can be signs the two of you need the assistance of a relationship expert.
2. Do you have fun together? Having fun keeps your relationship strong.
   • When life gets too intense, your relationship can seem more difficult than it actually is. Take time to do some of the fun things you did when dating.
3. Are you compatible? Having mutual interests is bonding.

   

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