How To Keep The Spark Alive – Lesson 1.1 – From The Fire Of Passion To … What?

Welcome to the “How To Keep The Spark Alive” course!

Course Summary

Falling in love is the easiest part of a relationship. Keeping the relationship going takes time, commitment, and perseverance. You’ll learn strategies to overcome the difficulties which present themselves as well as how to deepen your love for each other.

When you first fall in love, it’s like there’s a fire between you filled with excitement and passion. However, as you move beyond that initial infatuation stage, the fire lessens, and you may wonder if you made a mistake.

But there is only one mistake – forgetting that it takes commitment and effort to keep a relationship going.

Your relationship began with a chemical reaction between the two of you. I know that’s not very romantic, but it is true. If you want to be one of the couples who celebrates their 60th anniversary, now is the time to establish routines that nurture your relationship.

In this course, you’ll learn strategies to overcome difficulties and move your relationship to a depth you never thought possible.

There are 30 lessons, and each lesson concludes with a required task that will help you build momentum from the very first lesson:

• Module 1
  • 1.1 – From The Fire Of Passion To … What?
  • 1.2 – You Can Keep It Special
  • 1.3 – Help, It’s Already Difficult
  • 1.4 – Keeping Challenges To A Minimum
  • 1.5 – Did I Make A Mistake?
  • 1.6 – What You Can Expect
• Module 2
  • 2.1 – Don’t Count On Mind Reading
  • 2.2 – You’re Both Learning
  • 2.3 – Communication Differences
  • 2.4 – Four Ways Of Communicating
  • 2.5 – Getting It Right – Reflective Listening
  • 2.6 – Words That Destroy, Words That Build
• Module 3
  • 3.1 – Common Challenges
  • 3.2 – Handling Anger
  • 3.3 – What’s The Real Reason For Your Anger?
  • 3.4 – When Games Aren’t Fun
  • 3.5 – Fun Games
  • 3.6 – Fears Can Challenge Your Relationship
• Module 4
  • 4.1 – Everyone Needs Space
  • 4.2 – Outside Friendships
  • 4.3 – Money and Work: The Joy and Pain
  • 4.4 – Blended Families
  • 4.5 – Nurture Your Relationship
  • 4.6 – Defining What’s Important
• Module 5
  • 5.1 – Talking About Sex
  • 5.2 – How And Why Sex Drives Differ
  • 5.3 – The Role Of Hormones
  • 5.4 – Sensuality And Sexuality
  • 5.5 – Spicing Up Your Sex Life
  • 5.6 – Can Relationships Survive Without Sex?

Note that the last lesson in each module also includes the Module Summary.

In order to get the most from this course, please take advantage of everything that’s provided for you.

In addition to the lessons with focused activities to help guide you to success, be sure to check the Additional Resources section for each lesson. You’ll find articles, affirmations, worksheets, and other handouts to help you in your journey, as well as other resources you can check out for more information.

While you could in theory dip into lessons as you see fit, you will gain far more benefit by following the lessons in order.

In this course, you’ll learn:

• Why the passion and intensity of your attraction to each other has lessened
• Powerful strategies to assist in communicating with each other, so you’re both heard, and your relationship is strengthened
• How to listen to and respect each other during the rough times of your relationship
• How to handle things when one of you wants more personal space, because giving your partner the space they need is about love which will then strengthen your relationship
• How to strengthen both emotional and sexual intimacy – and some fun sex games to spice up your physical relationship

Are There Any Prerequisites For This Course?

There are no prerequisites for taking this course, although being in a current relationship or trying to figure out why one failed helps you to understand the lessons better.

Having someone to practise the communication strategies with is important, so if you’re not in a current love relationship, you and a friend can practise those together.

What Are The Course Benefits?

• You’ll discover that the decrease in passion in your relationship is a natural part of life and why this is so.
• You’ll learn specific ways to speak to your partner, no matter what is happening in your life.
• You’ll have detailed and specific instructions on proven ways to communicate with each other, even in the difficult times.
• You’ll discover why you or your partner wanting personal space doesn’t necessarily mean that your love for each other is disappearing.
• You’ll discover how sexual desire changes and how you can adapt your sexual relationship and remain emotionally intimate.

Who Is This Course Intended For?

This course was developed for those who want specific strategies to keep their relationship strong, passionate, and healthy.

Although being in a current relationship is helpful, those trying to figure out why a relationship went wrong or wondering what to do to keep that special someone when they appear will also benefit.

Now, Without Further Ado, Let’s Jump Into Module 1

In Module 1, you’ll find an introduction with tips to get the most out of the course. Then it’s time to get busy.

Life together moves from the excitement of passion to the routine of daily life.

Physiologically, the body quits producing most of the chemicals that made infatuation such a high. You may wonder what happened to that wonderful high, so in this module, you’ll learn what happened to those intense emotions and how you can keep the fire going in your relationship.

Ready To Start Lesson 1?

Most committed relationships, except those of convenience, had a spark which caught fire and became unbridled passion. Feelings were intense, the couple spent as much time together as possible, and had a difficult time keeping their hands off each other.

They decided to proceed to the next stage of the relationship and move in together or get married. And then, within a couple of months, they began to wonder what happened. Where did all the passion go?

Maybe this is you. Let’s talk about what happened.

How Your Body Manipulated You

Yes, your body manipulated you into forming a relationship with the one you love. It’s not that your body believed in love. No, your body wanted only one thing. Your body wanted to ensure the human race continued and did everything it could to get you to fall in love.

To encourage the relationship, your body produced chemicals, such as:

1. Dopamine, to keep you feeling wonderful about your loved one.
2. Norepinephrine, to keep your heart a flutter.
3. Phenylethylamine, which gave you emotional and physical energy.
4. Oxytocin, which has become known as the “bonding” or “cuddle” hormone. (I’ll discuss ways to keep producing this fun hormone.)

These and other chemicals manufactured by your body had you believing you had fallen in love.

Once you make the decision to form a committed relationship, your body has you where it wants you.

Where Did the Passion Go?

People often complain about passion missing in their relationship. They wistfully talk about the “old” days, when the fire was burning. Now the relationship seems so, well, ordinary.

Consider what happens when you get married or move in together:

1. You no longer have to arrange to see each other. You’re already together in the home you share. There isn’t the ritual of calling to arrange a time to meet each other.
   • I’ll discuss ways to keep the excitement of being together going.
2. The routines of your daily life are shared. The daily chores of keeping the house clean, making money, and other daily activities are no longer done out of sight of the other.
   • Who does which chores? If these chores are going to get done, it’s important to make time for them and discover how to share the responsibility.
   • These are the ordinary activities of life, which aren’t exciting, but they’re necessary.
3. You’re not always “up” for each other. When you see each other every day, it’s difficult to hide from the other when you’re tired, stressed, or grumpy. Before, your excitement about seeing each other overshadowed and even overcame your weariness.
4. You “forget” to do the special things you once did for each other. When life becomes routine, it’s common to skip the little things you used to do for each other.
   • This includes special gifts, saying how much you love each other, and giving compliments.
   • You begin to take each other for granted. The specialness you once felt seems to recede into the background. This can negatively affect your relationship if you allow it.

Hidden Expectations Emerge

When you’re dating each other, and the chemicals of passion are in control of your relationship, you’re excited by the newness of it all. You’re open to things being different in your life.

When your relationship settles into a routine, subconscious forces begin to emerge. From the moment you were born until now, your subconscious mind has gathered information on how you and your partner should interact.

The challenge is that each of you may have different “shoulds” that can conflict and be completely unknown to each other.

These “shoulds” set your relationship up for misunderstandings and hurt feelings if they aren’t discovered and addressed.

Keep the Fires Burning

Luckily, despite the routine of life which comes from work schedules, caring for the home, being part of each other’s families and, perhaps, establishing a family of your own, there are ways to keep the passion burning in your relationship.

The rest of this course will address common issues that arise in committed relationships and how to work through them.

Just reading about what happens in relationships lets you know that you and your partner aren’t alone in these challenges. Other couples go through these challenges as well.

You want to be different from many couples by recognizing potential difficulties and knowing how to resolve them. Be one of the couples who celebrates their 50th anniversary and not one who says with regret, “I wish I’d known.”

Summary

You’ve learned how your body conspired to have you fall in love by producing powerful chemicals which keep you attracted to each other. Once you form a committed relationship, those same chemicals decrease.

Before you move into learning about strategies to keep your relationship special, take a few minutes to reflect upon how what you’ve discovered applies to you.

Reflection

1. List what you enjoyed most about the early part of your relationship and want to be sure keeps happening.
2. How has your relationship changed as it has matured?
3. What expectations do you have about your partner that may not be getting met?
4. What expectations have you noticed your partner may have for you that you weren’t expecting?

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. I Learn Lessons In Love That Help To Make My Relationship Stronger

JOIN FREE FOR 14 DAYS

Self Help Nirvana is an online community for everybody whose goal is personal improvement and development. Become a Self Help Nirvana member today and get access to everything here at SelfHelpNirvana.com!

Already a member? Sign in.