How To Deepen Intimacy In Your Relationship – Lesson 4 – Building Trust And Intimacy

Welcome to Lesson #4 of my “How to Deepen Intimacy In Your Relationship” course!

Build trust as the foundation for your relationship’s intimacy. With trust, you know you can turn to your partner for support. You trust that your partner’s love is unconditional.

The trust is built without projections, expectations, or trying to control the other person. Trust is built by being reliable and showing up to the relationship as a teammate.

You can also let David Richo’s Five A’s of Love guide your journey of building trust in your relationship.

Build Trust With These Five A’s Of Love

These Five A’s of Love can help you build trust, intimacy, and long-lasting love. Integrate them into your routine and give them to your relationship regularly:

1. Acceptance. Accept your partner as they are instead of trying to change them or judge them.
2. Affection. Give your partner affection unconditionally.
3. Allowing. Let go of any urge to control your partner. Allow your partner to be free.
4. Appreciation. Create a culture of appreciation as an alternative to aggression or resentment.
5. Attention. Connect and give your partner attention.

Check in with your partner. Are these Five A’s of Love a part of your relationship routine?

Other Ways To Build Trust

Building trust is one of the foundational parts to deepen intimacy. Trust is built by being reliable and showing up over time.

Here are other ways to build trust:

1. Keep agreements. Be reliable. Show your partner that they can trust your word.
2. Listen without judgement. This will create a safe space in the relationship.
3. Respect each other’s boundaries. We have boundaries that show others how we are willing to be treated. Avoiding stepping over established lines shows both compassion and respect.
4. Support your beloved. This will show your partner that they can rely on you for support.
5. Take care of yourself, but never at the expense of your partner or others. This will show your partner that you are not their responsibility but their partner.

What To Do If Trust Is Broken

You might reach a point where trust in the relationship gets broken. This can happen when one partner shuts the other down, breaks a promise, or becomes unreliable. It can also happen if someone deceives, lies, or even cheats on the other.

Trust is an essential part of intimacy. If trust gets broken, it needs to be fixed. Both partners will need to commit to rebuilding trust in the relationship. Yes, it takes an effort from both sides to rebuild trust.

If trust has been broken, here’s where to start:

1. Look within first. This self-reflection will be difficult, but it’s important to face.
   • Why did this issue occur? If you hid something from your partner, why did you hide it? If you cheated on your partner, why?
   • Where is the problem? What is behind the problem?
2. Be completely honest with your partner. To build trust and intimacy, one must be open and honest with their partner. Share with them what you learned about yourself and your needs during the self-reflection process.
3. Apologize sincerely. If you broke the trust, show that you understand what went wrong, acknowledge that you hurt your partner, and promise you will not repeat the behaviour. Be true to your word.
4. Be compassionate about how your partner feels. When trust is broken, repair will need to be done. Be patient and compassionate. Hold space for your partner and how they were feeling.
5. Resolution. Talking through a resolution will give both of you clear goals about a way forward.
   • What does each partner need?
   • What are the next steps of resolution? For example, a next step might be individual or couple’s therapy. Or a commitment to changing behaviour.
   • Is there anything that was left out?
6. Rebuild trust. Rebuilding trust after a partner broke it can be difficult. Instead of building trust through a history of actions, learn how to rebuild trust based on your partner’s word.
   • Another way to build intimacy and trust is a willingness to work out problems. Examples include how comfortable do you feel about talking about what is missing in the relationship and also what is fulfilling in the relationship?
   • Be patient with the process because rebuilding trust takes time.

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