How To Deepen Intimacy In Your Relationship – Lesson 5 – Emotional Intimacy

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“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.“
(Elizabeth Gilbert)

Welcome to Lesson #5 of my “How to Deepen Intimacy In Your Relationship” course!

Emotional intimacy is how safe and secure you feel with your partner. It’s built through raw, deeper conversations about feelings, struggles, and needs.

Some people find it difficult to build emotional intimacy. At first it seems easy to share your fears and your dreams. But sometimes as people get closer and closer, it gets harder to keep your walls down. Letting somebody in also means letting them see more of you, your fears and dreams.

But getting closer to somebody helps fulfil our human desire of feeling connected and strengthens our well-being. It feels incredible to be able to talk with your partner openly.

Here’s how to build emotional intimacy in your relationship:

  1. Practise naming feelings. As you learn to name feelings, you might realize you don’t have the vocabulary to do so.
    • Angry: Frustrated, disappointed, jealous, annoyed, furious, sceptical
    • Bad: Stressed, indifferent, pressured, unfocused, busy, embarrassed
    • Fearful: Insecure, scared, rejected, worthless
    • Happy: Curious, respected, confident, playful, loving, thankful
    • Sad: Lonely, hurt, vulnerable, isolated, powerless, fragile
    • Surprised: Amazed, excited, shocked, dismayed, eager
  2. Validate your partner’s feelings. Listen openly and validate your partner’s feelings to create that safe space for each other to share.
  3. Be curious. Ask open-ended questions. When your partner shares something uncomfortable with you, ask questions to help process the experience.
  4. Listen with empathy. Any conversation where somebody doesn’t feel heard will create distance. Pause to hear, listen, and understand what your partner is feeling. Nod to show your partner you’re engaged and present.
  5. Share. Share what you’re going through and feeling as well.

Emotional intimacy is based on equal trust, curiosity, and engagement. Be curious about your partner and be willing to open yourself up as well. You’ll both be rewarded with greater feelings of intimacy.

“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.“
(Catherine Gilbert Murdock)

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