What People Don’t Understand About Me

Today’s WordSmith Deck prompt (see this article for what this is all about) was:

“What is something not many people understand about you?”

I would say it’s probably how difficult and stressful it is for me to be around lots of people, and by lots, I’m talking as few as half a dozen or so, and not necessarily hundreds.

I am in many (but not all) ways a classic introvert, and being in the presence of other people is draining.

I also have some sort of hearing problem which makes it difficult to make out what’s being said to me when there is background noise.

And that random background noise you get in largish gatherings, whether it’s from general chit-chat or “background” music, gives me a headache and can actually make me feel nauseated and disoriented.

I much prefer talking to one or two people, in quiet surroundings, where there are few distractions, in which case I can happily talk for hours with them, on any and all subjects, because I also prefer a meandering conversation that has a natural ebb and flow.

I also really dislike, maybe even hate since it may be my biggest pet peeve, the way people interrupt when you’re talking – whether I’m being interrupted, or somebody else in my immediate vicinity is being interrupted, it’s just rude, and over time, it has serious effects (for me, at least, in terms of confidence).

Even when I used to work in an office, where there were thousands of people in the building, and over a dozen or so on my immediate team in many cases, it was tough.

Partly it’s the background noise issue, which isn’t to say that any particular person was deliberately loud – it’s simply the result of having many people in a relatively small space.

Meetings were difficult too – again, there’s the overall noise, and there’s the interruptions, and there’s also the fact that I found it hard to get a word in sometimes, and by the time the opportunity was there, the topic of conversation had moved on.

It’s made more difficult, I think, because society as a whole has a tendency and preference for extraversion.

How many times, if you’re an introvert, have you been told to speak up more?

And when was the last time an extravert was ever told to talk less?

It simply doesn’t happen – or, at least, nowhere near often enough.

The latter would be considered rude by many people, but why is it not rude to tell introverts to speak up? (I touch on this subject here too.)

These feelings also extend to family groups, although my family was always small, which was good.

Maybe it was because in family get-togethers, there were usually several micro-conversations taking place at the same time, which created that auditory confusion I suffer from.

Or maybe that’s partly where my lack of enjoyment from being in groups comes from – who knows?

What I do know is that my current lifestyle, where I don’t go out at all, would drive many (or most?) people insane – something that I suspect many are actually suffering now that the coronavirus lockdowns are still in effect in some places.

The last time my late wife and I went out to go shopping (or anything) was in March 2007.

I have actually gone out four times since then – all in 2015 – and that was when a friend drove me about five miles up the road to go to the local rescue to adopt five dogs.

And even since my wife died in December 2018, I’ve not been anywhere, and have no inclination to do so.

I may have to go out later this year to the bank, because I have no choice, and I’m dreading it.

I think being in public will be scary enough, especially given how crazy people are, not just because of the current scare, but because of how many people are on all sorts of prescription and/or illegal drugs.

It will be tough, not just for me but for my three dogs who have never ever been left alone, never mind for the two or three hours I envision this trip will take.

So, although I do have what appear to be extraversion moments, I think most of the people I know would be surprised at just how much I dislike being with the vast majority of other people (and it’s not necessarily their personalities, it’s simply the discomfort caused by anybody’s presence when I’m in medium to large groups).

That’s partly for the reasons discussed above, and partly because I dislike the small talk about superficialities (e.g. current events and politics, celebrity worship, TV shows, sports, cars, and even sex) that is so common.

Many of the discussions I do have aren’t exactly life-changing, but they are, to me, about things that matter (e.g. health, education, religion).

And those who know me probably don’t realize how well I can cover this up, because I’ve had a lifetime of practice, as have many introverts. We have no choice really, in this extravert-oriented world.

I wonder sometimes if there are societies where introversion is the norm, and if so, where are they, because once my dogs are no longer with me, perhaps I’ll head off there for my twilight years.