Tips For Extraverts Who Want To Become More Self-Reflective

As somebody who is primarily introverted, I cannot count the number of times I’ve been told to speak up more or be more sociable or be more outgoing, not to mention the occasions when I’ve been criticized for not wanting to go to parties or for nights out with co-workers.

Maybe it’s confirmation bias, but it does seem as though society in general favours the extravert.

And that, to me, is odd, given that statistics show the population is split about equally between introverts and extraverts. (I’m excluding the so-called ambiverts here – people are a bit of both, and while few people are 100% one or the other, most do appear to have a predisposition to one or the other.)

I sort of get that some groups of people are singled out because they are different to the norm.

For example:

• About 10% of the population are left-handers (including myself).
• About 4% of the US population say they are homosexual / lesbian. (I’ve heard figures as high as 10%, but I get why people in the USA might not want to speak up about that.)

Of course, in the US and other countries, gay people can expect to endure additional hardships because of their love for members of the same gender, and in some cases, they can be beaten, imprisoned, or even executed for it.

So, while discriminating against people who are different to the norm is wrong, it happens, but why the disparity between these last two examples and the introversion / extraversion spectrum?

Even when researching material for this article, you can see the bias. I did a search for the term “how to be less extraverted”, and yet most of the search results are talking about how to be less of an introvert and become more extraverted.

I’ve used the following image in another article on this subject, which you can read here, and while it’s sad but funny, because it’s true, it’s time to focus on ways extraverts can dial it down a bit:

Practise Solitude

One way for an extravert to appreciate the benefits of being more inward-looking is to spend more time alone, preferably in silence (because silence itself is beneficial).

This gives you the opportunity to spend time in your own head, thinking about yourself, your life, and the world in general.

Boketto is a great way to do this.

Don’t Be The First To Speak

When you’re in a group and somebody says something, an extravert will feel a huge temptation to respond immediately.

And if there are introverts present, as there almost always will be, they won’t stop you because they will be busy considering what they said so they can reply with an appropriate and well-thought-through response.

So, try to wait a few moments, partly so you too can consider what you’re about to say more thoughtfully and partly to allow others to say what’s on their mind (because introverts often feel excluded by not saying the first thing that comes into their head).

Write A Journal

Apart from the many documented benefits of journalling, from an extravert’s perspective, it can be helpful because it forces you to be more introspective, by writing down (preferably by hand) your thoughts and feelings.

Try Your Hand At Creative Activities

Artists (and I use the term broadly, rather than people who create paintings, etc.) are usually inspired by a combination of what they observe in the world around them, and by what those observations mean to them personally.

So, this is another way of coming to terms with what’s going on inside your head, and you have a wide range of activities that you could try, including writing (e.g. poetry, short stories, song lyrics), painting, music, sculpture, and more.

Meditation & Mindfulness

Meditation (of which Boketto, mentioned above, is one unusual form) is a great way to focus inwards more, to slow down, to relax, and to be more aware of your thoughts and your body.

Mindfulness, or being present as it’s often called, is another great practice for helping you better appreciate the world around you.

Ask Questions

Instead of giving your opinion (often without really pausing to think about it), ask a pertinent question instead.

This will force you to think about what was said (because your question needs to be directly related, of course) stimulate further discussion, and allow others to chime in.

Read

Reading (and I’m not really talking about sports and car and fashion magazines here) is another way to look inward.

Many introverts love to read because it fires up your powers of imagination – when you watch a movie, you’re seeing another person’s interpretation of the script or book, but when you read, you are free to conjure up your own vision of how those words come to life, and that vision is based largely on what’s going on, and has gone on in the past, inside your head.

Fiction books (e.g. thrillers) can work here, but so can poetry (because it is often somewhat abstruse and deliberately cryptic, forcing you to think about what the poet meant), as well as autobiographies and biographies (because they help you see the world through other people’s eyes).

Conclusion

Remember, just like a person who is predominantly introverted is never going to become an out-and-out extravert, the same holds true for extraverts.

But it’s important to realize and accept that there are times when introverts need to be more outgoing, and extraverts need to be more inwardly focused.

And many of these tips will feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. I know, I’ve forced myself to do things that were “not me” many times – for example, I have been an amateur magician most of my life, and performing in front of others was never easy because I don’t really enjoy being in the spotlight. (You might think magic is a strange hobby for an introvert such as myself, and you may be right in part – but magic is also a cerebral activity, involving problem solving, creativity, and psychology, amongst others, which has always been the appeal for me.)

Returning to my earlier question about the reasons for such disparity, maybe it’s because people in general do not like or are afraid of what they do not understand (which includes anybody who exhibits traits that are different to your own).

The population is also split roughly 50:50 between men and women, and I think it’s true to say that most of us do not really understand how people of the other gender think. And there’s no doubt that women have been disadvantaged for most of human history, although I accept that this was more out of a need for control than because of fear and uncertainty.

And finally, if you haven’t already done so, I would recommend reading the article referenced above about the differences between introverts and extraverts, because you can look at that and see what sort of behaviours and activities introverts have and do, and use those as a guide to being more self-reflective yourself.

In fact, there is perhaps a more general truth there – if you try to see things from the perspective of those who are not like you (in specific or general ways), and try to behave like them from time to time, you are likely to become a more well-rounded and empathetic person, and I don’t see a problem with that. I’m not suggesting you should try to be somebody you’re not, but the more we as humans can appreciate that other people think and act and live differently (not wrongly), the better society in general will be.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. The Power Of Introversion