The Three Most Important Lessons I Have Learned From TV

Having watched probably thousands of hours of TV shows and movies during my life, it occurred to me recently there are three themes that arise time and time again – three problems that seem to be at the root of most of the problems the characters in these shows encounter, which is what this article is all about.

Honesty

One of the shows I’m watching at the moment is one my late wife added to the schedule last year – A Million Little Things.

It’s not the type of show I would usually watch, but since we had started watching it together, I thought I’d continue with it anyway.

I’m not going to bore you with the plot, but suffice it to say that almost everything that happens revolves around the lies people (e.g. family and friends) tell each other, and the problems that ensue.

This is, of course, not unique to this show – it is present in countless others.

There are usually three main reasons why people lie:

1. Because they don’t want somebody to know the truth. Most of the cheating that goes on in relationships falls under this banner, for example, as does the person who lies on their job application.

   Obviously, being deceitful is not a healthy activity, and when you are found out, as you almost always are, you now have two issues to deal with – the original thing that you lied about, and, in addition, the fact that you lied (often to a person you claim to care about).

2. Because they want to protect people from the truth. An example of this might be the “white lies” that parents tell their children when their grandparents die.

   Is it really our place to decide for other people what they are and are not capable of hearing, even if our intentions are good? It might help them now, but in the longer term, they may well end up resenting you for telling them white lies instead of the truth.

   In addition, sometimes people tell white lies less to protect the other person than to protect themselves (e.g. from having to give somebody bad news and how that will make them feel).

3. Because they are scared to present their true self to the world. This is sometimes known in modern vernacular as “fronting” – i.e. you are donning a facade, pretending to be somebody you’re not.

   Not being honest with people about who you are might, again, provide short-term gains, but it’s also another form of lying, and when people discover, as they will, that the real you is different, you may find yourself suddenly alone.

The problem is, any form of lying can cost you (and others) – money, friends, relationships, jobs, health, and your self-esteem.

Being honest is difficult, and the truth can hurt, I get that – and I for one cannot claim to be spotless here – but if you want to surround yourself with the right people, then it’s the way to go.

If the people you meet don’t like the real you, then maybe they’re not the people you should be spending time with.

If the people you talk to cannot stand to hear the truth, then maybe they’re not your tribe.

If the person you start a relationship with is not telling the truth about themselves, then is that somebody you want to share your life with?

And, perhaps most importantly, if you don’t like the real you, then maybe it’s time to do something about it, because in spite of the saying about leopards and spots, people can change, if they truly want to.

But lying to yourself is arguably the most dangerous form of lying, whether you’re bolstering yourself up (e.g. thinking you don’t need help when you do, or that you’re good at something you aren’t) or putting yourself down (which can, at worst, lead to suicide).

One of the keys to being honest with yourself (and then others), is to work out who you truly are and what is important to you, which is something I’ve written about here.

And, of course, telling the truth doesn’t mean you need to be a dick about it. You should do so compassionately and without arrogance.

Interference

By this, I mean the apparently ubiquitous need for humans to stick their nose in other people’s business, and you see this all the time in TV shows and movies.

The problem is, you may think you know somebody and their situation, but you almost certainly do not have all of the facts.

And I know that this can be driven by a genuine desire to help, but however difficult it may be, in most cases you need to wait until you’re asked.

I don’t think many people appreciate being told what to do, or even what’s best for them (whether that is true or not), so interfering is likely going to cause resentment, or worse.

I know people who have suffered with chronic health issues for years (often for over a decade), and they get annoyed when people say, “Have you tried…” because it implies that they are too stupid to have thought of that themselves. Again, it’s probably well-meaning, but as they say, what matters in communication is not the intent but the effect.

It wouldn’t be as bad if the people interfering actually had their own lives in order first, which is rarely the case.

This does not, of course, mean that you should only ever offer advice or help if you are perfect, because nobody is.

So, here are a few things to bear in mind:

1. Try not to offer advice unless it’s asked for.
2. Make sure your words, tone of voice, and body language are congruent. For example, there’s no point using all the right words, such as “Have you considered doing …”, but stabbing at them with your finger in an aggressive manner, which implies they are actually telling you what to do.
3. Do not do things for other people that you know or even suspect they may not like. I had a relative who reorganized a couple’s house (e.g. moved furniture around) while they were out, because it’s how she thought it should be, with no regard for what the couple might want.
4. Know when to be quiet. If you ask somebody whether they have considered doing something and it is clear they are not receptive to the idea, don’t push it.
5. Don’t stick your nose in other people’s business! 🙂

Security

The last recurring theme is security – it seems really easy for the bad guys in almost any movie to get where they shouldn’t be.

This happens in cop shows, and even futuristic shows such as Star Trek where they in theory have the benefit of superior technology.

The problem is, of course, us humans.

We are far from perfect, which makes it really difficult to design flawless systems.

And today, humans are often the weakest link in the security chain.

Which is easier – to hack into a highly complex computer system, or just sweet-talk somebody into giving you access using a hard-luck story?

On a personal level, identity theft is still a major problem, the repercussions of which can affect you for far longer than you might think.

So, here are a few tips on how to stay safe:

1. Never give out your password or other private information. This even applies to things like your mother’s maiden name or your pet’s name, or anything that is often used for passwords.
2. Try not to use the same password more than once. I know that almost everything requires a password or PIN these days, but there are plenty of good apps (e.g. LastPass) around to help you generate, store, and manage secure passwords so you don’t need to remember them or write them down yourself.
3. Never write your passwords down. When I used to work for a major bank, there were several cases where people had written their debit card’s PIN on the back of the card itself.
4. Make sure you use anti-virus and anti-malware software on your computer – and make sure it’s always up-to-date.
5. Keep your computer software up to date, especially operating system software such as Windows.
6. Do not click on suspicious emails or open attachments.As they say, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, an example of which are the well-known and so-called Nigerian or lottery emails, which fall under the broad heading of advance-fee scams.
7. Be careful on social media – the person you’re talking to may not be who you think they are.
8. Use high-quality locks and padlocks on your property, and don’t be lazy – lock them when you’re done.
9. If you can, install a home security system, which will at least deter opportunist thieves.
10. Don’t allow anybody into your home without checking their identity and credentials first.
11. Consider going to self-defence classes.
12. Be careful when going anywhere by yourself at night or in unpopulated areas. Stay vigilant, and don’t be afraid to pop into a store or office or bar or restaurant if necessary. Sometimes, just letting somebody know that you are aware they’re following you is enough to deter them.
13. Don’t give lifts to strangers.
14. If there are security policies in effect at work, follow them, because they are probably there for a reason.
15. Security products and systems are only effective if you actually use them!

I know some of this is old advice and just common sense, but sometimes it helps to be reminded of the obvious.

The key is to be aware without being paranoid, and to make security a habit in your life.

I really dislike that people have to take such precautions, but wishing that the bad people didn’t exist doesn’t mean they don’t.

Conclusion

There are, of course, many more lessons to be learned from on-screen entertainment, and many more things I could have written about the three I have covered.

To summarize, then:

1. Be honest, both with yourself and with others.
2. Don’t interfere where you’re not wanted, however good your intentions may be.
3. Stay safe, both online and in the real world.