The Reasons Extraversion vs. Introversion Isn’t An Either/Or Issue

You probably noticed a long time ago that there are two distinct types of people – those who are outgoing and those who are more withdrawn.

These terms are, of course, generalizations, and don’t do full justice to the terms extraverted and introverted, but they are a good starting point.

The key differentiator between the two types is where a person gets most of their energy – externally, or internally.

This article explores these two types of people in more detail – and introduces a third type that you may not have heard of before.

Let’s start with the key personality traits of extraverts.

Extravert Characteristics

Extraverts get most of their energy externally – i.e. from things and people outside of themselves.

People who are extraverted therefore tend to:

• Accept change more readily.
• Act and speak before thinking.
• Become bored by routine.
• Dislike being alone for too long, because this leaves them drained.
• Engage in small talk rather than deep discussions.
• Enjoy and prefers interaction with the outside world and with people.
• Enjoy spending most of their time with other people and prefer crowds.
• Like being in the spotlight.
• Prefer speaking over listening.
• Probably have many acquaintances rather than intimate friendships.
• Think they are skilled at multitasking.

As a result of these traits, extraverts are frequently to be found in leadership roles where people are looking for guidance and direction, and they are will often thrive when speaking or presenting in front of large audiences.

Myths About Extraverts

1. Attention Grabbing. While extraverts may be more comfortable being in the spotlight, it does not necessarily mean that they are doing that because they crave attention.
2. Bad Listeners. Enjoying talking does not mean they cannot and do not listen to what others are saying.
3. Conversation Hoggers. It’s true that extraverts enjoy talking, but that is different to being a blabbermouth who won’t let anybody else get a word in edgeways.
4. Dislike Solitude. Like everybody, extraverts need time to themselves too, but unlike introverts, too much of it drains them.
5. Happier. Studies show that extraverts are not happier than introverts – they just show it in different ways, and the ways in which extraverts display happiness is likely to be more public and exuberant.
6. Insensitive. The cheerful show they often put on does not mean that they don’t feel things themselves, or that they are oblivious to other people’s feelings.
7. No Close Friends. While extraverts may have a larger circle of acquaintances than introverts do. They still need, and have, close friends to discuss the more personal aspects of their lives.
8. Not Nervous When Meeting New People. This isn’t always the case – it’s just that their more outward personality and their ability to engage in small talk makes it easier for them to hide.
9. Self-Absorbed. This would be true if extraverts only talked about themselves, but that is not the case – they just enjoy talking (and, as I said above, listening).
10. Shallow. Just because extraverts enjoy, and are good at, small talk does not imply they are superficial and shallow.
11. Unlimited Energy. Extraverts may be recharged by the outside world, but they can still run out of energy.

Introvert Characteristics

Introverts, on the other hand get most of their energy from within, rather than from the outside world.

People who are introverted are more or less the opposite of extraverts and therefore tend to:

• Be happy working behind the scenes rather than in the limelight.
• Be more comfortable with one-on-one conversations or, if necessary, small groups of people that they know.
• Become easily drained by socializing, and having to be with large groups of people.
• Dislike small talk, and prefer to go deep on any number of subjects, as their interests are often quite broad and philosophical in nature.
• Enjoy the Japanese practice of Boketto.
• Look for intimate relationships rather than shallow acquaintances, because they believe in quality over quantity.
• Positively enjoy their own company.
• Prefer to listen rather than speak.
• Prefer to think before they act or speak.
• Prefer to work at one task at a time.
• Stay up late at night because that’s the only time they can be alone.
• Struggle more with change, preferring an established routine.

These traits can also lead introverts to being leaders, but in a different way to extraverts – introverts are better in roles where the team is more proactive.

Myths About Introverts

1. Agoraphobic. Introverts are generally not afraid of going out in public, but the fact they enjoy their own company, thinking, reading, etc. means they are often to be found at home.
2. Anti-social. In general, it’s not that they dislike people – they simply cannot be around too many people for too long because it’s truly exhausting for them.
3. Arrogance. While appearing aloof, it’s just them being cautious before they open up to others.
4. Depressed. Introverts may appear quiet and withdrawn, but unlike people suffering from depression, they are happy to be in that state.
5. Friendless. No, introverts have friends – maybe not many, but they are probably close friends with whom they can and will discuss almost anything.
6. Funless. Many people’s idea of fun involves other people, loud music, bars, etc., which are of little to no interest to introverts, who do have fun, but their fun is more personal and quiet and down-played.
7. Hermits. It’s not that introverts always want to be alone. There are times when they crave company too – but it usually has to be a small number of people at a time (maybe only one), and for a limited time.
8. Incurable. Introversion is not some sort of disease that needs to be treated or cured. It’s how around half of all people think, and the qualities they bring are just as important as those of extraverts.
9. Low Self-Esteem. This has nothing to do with being introverted – or extraverted – because any type of person can have a low opinion of themselves. However, introverts may manifest that low self-esteem in a different way to extraverts.
10. Misanthropic. No, introverts do not hate people in general – they are simply more selective about who they engage with.
11. Rude. This is more likely a vibe given off because they dislike small talk.
12. Shy. People who are shy are afraid of social interaction, while introverts prefer to ration it because it tires them out.
13. Stupid. Just because an introvert doesn’t talk as much as others, and may not voice their opinions because they’ve not fully processed the information or their ideas yet, does not make them stupid. It’s often quite the opposite – their quiet reflection and love of deep conversation can create unique ideas.
14. Untalkative. It’s true they may seem quiet, especially in the presence of a large number of people, but anybody who truly knows such a person will happily vouch for the fact they can and will talk for hours – with the right person or small group of people, on subjects that interest them (i.e. as opposed to small talk).
15. Weird. Introverts, who prefer to think of themselves as eccentric, are often misunderstood (hence all of these myths), and they do live inside their head a lot, but that’s partly why they can often come up with innovative and weird ideas.

Ambivert Characteristics

Classifying people as extraverts or introverts sounds like a very black or white matter, but of course, it’s not.

It’s not an either/or affair – people may be anywhere along the spectrum, and that’s where ambiverts come in.

Ambiverts, who are sometimes called extraverted introverts, display characteristics of both types, often depending on the situation.

Here are a few signs that you may be an ambivert:

1. You can deal with social situations, but only after you have “warmed up” first.
2. You can engage in small talk, partly because a deeper discussion that is more to your liking may ensue, but you’re still reflecting on purely internal thoughts.
3. You may be confused with a true extravert.
4. You might arrange a meet-up with somebody, once you’re fully charged up again, but only if it will be on your terms.
5. Your environment affects your energy levels.
6. Whether you become drained or energized depends very much on the people involved and the interactions with them.
7. While people exhaust you, you also find them intriguing.

In terms of work roles, ambiverts are often better than either extraverts or introverts as salespeople.

Why Are Extraverts And Introverts Different?

One of the key differences between the two types of people is in the activity levels of certain neurotransmitters.

For example, dopamine is related to our rewards system.

In this context, rewards might include food, money, recognition, sex, and status.

But it’s not that extraverts and introverts have differing amounts of dopamine, because it’s the same in both types.

The difference is that the dopamine network is more active in extraverts than it is in introverts. The former become far more excited and motivated by external rewards than the latter do.

Another neurotransmitter that is involved is acetylcholine, which is also related to pleasure, but in a different way.

Acetylcholine is more involved in the internal aspects of pleasure, which is why deep thought, reading, and reflection are so attractive to introverts.

One side-effect of this is the reason introverts prefer calm, quiet environments – loud, noisy ones create a distraction that is hard to ignore, thus making it harder for them to concentrate and think.

Another feature of acetylcholine is its relationship with what’s called the parasympathetic nervous system. When we engage this part of our nervous system, we:

• conserve energy
• limit incoming light by constricting our pupils
• lower our blood pressure and heart rate
• metabolize food
• relax our muscles
• store energy
• withdraw from the world around us

Extraverts, on the other hand, prefer the sympathetic nervous system, which drives the famous “freeze, flight, or fight” response, and increases alertness.

Which Is Better?

There is no “better” – all three types of people have their own strengths, which means if, for example, you are building a team of people at work, balance is the key (as it is so often in life generally).

However, when it comes to one-on-one interactions, if one person is highly extraverted and one is highly introverted, then:

1. It will be difficult for each person to “get” where the other person is coming from, because the two modes of thinking are diametrically opposed to each other.
2. Communication between the two people will be even more important than normal.

This is a topic I cover in more depth as part of my How To Keep The Spark Alive course.

Extraversion vs. Introversion Statistics

Based on a study conducted in 1998, extraverts and introverts are, as you may reasonably expect, split about 50:50, with a tiny preponderance of introverts.

At the gender level, then while the differences are still somewhat small, extraverts tend to be female, while introverts tend to be male.

So Which Type Are You?

You probably already have a good idea whether you tend toward being extraverted or introverted, but you can always take a short test, created by an organizational psychologist to discover whether you are an extravert, introvert, or ambivert.

If you want to delve more deeply into this, you could also take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment, which measures people on four different traits, one of which is extraversion / introversion. You can find an online version of this assessment here.

It’s important to note that such personality tests are not always as scientific as people claim, and with the MBTI one, results can and do change over time.

For example, when I was first assessed, at work, in the 1990s, I came out as an ISTP (yes, the first letter, I, does indicate introversion). On subsequent occasions, both in the early 200s and using the above online test, I am now an INTP.

I have seen minor changes in several people’s MBTI results, but not in the extraversion / introversion part of it. (Well, not yet, which isn’t to say it doesn’t happen.)

Conclusion

So, being extraverted or introverted is definitely not a black and white matter – there are, as is almost always the case, many shades of grey in between.

Most of us have a tendency toward one or the other, but in truth, very few people are exclusively one or the other – which is where the ambivert in (almost) all of us comes in.

The key is to acknowledge that half the population do not think exactly like you do when it comes to this personality trait, and that’s neither good nor bad. You just need to remember that the person you are talking to may be different, and therefore sees things and behaves in a different way.

Unfortunately, society as a whole tends to favour extraverts over introverts, as this meme so accurately portrays:

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Communication Skills Course