The Importance Of Asking Clear And Effective Questions

Whenever my late wife asked me a question, there was one answer I frequently gave that annoyed her, every single time I said the following two words:

“It depends.”

And I answered in this way because Rae would often ask questions that she thought were “yes” or “no” ones, but I saw them differently.

Rae was a highly visual person, and when she asked a question, she already had a huge internal mental map of everything that was bundled up inside of that question.

Her question would, therefore, embody all sorts of assumptions – but those assumptions were not voiced out loud.

Now, contrast that with my personality.

I’m analytical, I like to consider as many possibilities as I can, I find it difficult to make decisions based on incomplete information (even though I accept perfect information is at best a rarity) and I am not a quick thinker – I need time to weigh up the various options.

My problem comes with being asked a question that does not give me enough information to enable me to come up with a simple, binary answer.

And that is, I think, symptomatic of people in general – too many people see a large part of life as black and white, yes and no, etc.

The truth is, of course, that the world is grey.

You see this happening all the time in law courts – lawyers ask questions of a witness that demand one of two answers, but the witness wants to provide more words than the simple “yes” or “no” that is expected in order to answer the question accurately and fully.

In that context, it’s more of a deliberate bullying tactic (and it annoys me when I see it being used), but in general, it seems to me a symptom of the fact that people do not know how best to ask questions.

So, how do you ask effective questions?

Open vs. Closed Questions

Closed questions are the type I was discussing in the introduction – they are steering you to answering from a limited range of options (e.g. yes or no).

Open questions are, as the name suggests, not restrictive. One example might be, “What do you think about…?”

You are not being directed toward a specific answer, which means you can, and are expected to, use whatever words you want in your response.

Obviously, there is a place for both types of questions, but open ones are generally going to get you a better quality and more complete answer.

For example, you could ask somebody, “Do you vote Republican?”

This is expecting a “yes” or “no” answer, but it doesn’t really give you as much information as you might want.

If that is all you need to know, then fine, but compare that to asking, “Who are you going to vote for?”

Phrased this way, you not only find out whether the person is going to vote Republican, but if they aren’t, which party they are going to vote for.

The problem comes when you ask a closed question but really need an open answer.

And lastly, in this section, try not to ask a series of closed questions, one after another – it can feel more like an interrogation.

Plan Your Questions

Following on from the previous issue then, it’s crucial that when you ask questions, you know what type of answer you are looking for, and that you then ask those questions using the best phrasing.

Leading Questions

In general, you want to stay away from questions that are designed to elicit a certain answer.

Even including subjective terms can cause the other person to not respond honestly.

For example, if you ask, “How do like the wonderful food in the canteen?”, you’re injecting your own opinion into the question, and while the other person may not agree with you, the fact you think the food is wonderful may dissuade them from giving you their real opinion.

Again, they are frequently used in court, but in real life, they are, in my opinion, dishonest.

Worse still, once people realize that’s what you’re doing, they will not like it.

Translate For Others

By this, I mean that you should try to ask your questions in words and terms that the other person understands.

If you are the one wanting information from somebody else, it is up to you to do the necessary work to make it as easy as possible for that other person to answer your questions.

This might mean being aware of their native language (e.g. you may need to use simpler, shorter words than usual), or the industry they work in (because different businesses have different terminology and may even use common words in a different way to usual).

Start Broad

It’s more natural, and productive, to ask broad, general questions first, and then start to drill down to more specific ones, especially as those questions may be altered based on the answers to the general questions.

Expect The Unexpected

At some stage, when you ask a question, you’re going to receive back an answer you may not have been expecting.

This may be information you weren’t aware of, or you might find the person has a diametrically opposed view of something to you.

Remember the saying, “Be careful what you ask for” – so don’t ask a question if you’re not prepared to accept an answer you might not like.

Be Clear

Getting back to what I mentioned in the introduction, make sure your question includes all the necessary information so that the other person can give you their best answer.

This question should still be as succinct as possible, of course – you don’t want your question to sound like a monologue.

And if you do get the answer my wife hated, “It depends”, it probably means your question wasn’t worded as well as it could have been.

Keep Your Questions Discrete

Wherever possible, it’s best to ask one question at a time, rather than building several requests for information into a single question.

This has several benefits:

1. It is usually less confusing for the person being asked the multi-part question.
2. It improved the overall focus, for both of you, because you can address one issue at a time.
3. It makes the pace and flow better – rather than one person ask a question and then have to wait for a longish answer to multiple questions at once, you get more to and fro.

Don’t Interrupt

If you ask somebody a question, you should have the courtesy to allow them to answer it fully before you speak again.

If there is something that you need clarification on, make a note of it (on paper or mentally), and ask it only when they’ve given you their answer.

The only exception to this would be, in my opinion, if it’s clear that they have misunderstood your question (which shouldn’t happen if you’ve planned your question in advance and worded it correctly) and are answering something other than what you asked. In this case, interrupting them will, in the long run, save both of you time and potential frustration.

And for me, one of the worst experiences is when somebody asks you a (non-rhetorical) question, and then proceeds to answer it themselves before you’ve even had time to open your mouth.

I know I’m sensitive to this (and to being interrupted in general), but to me that’s just plain rude.

Listen

Also on the topic of manners, once the other person starts to answer your question(s), make sure you listen carefully to what they are saying,

Apart from the fact that not doing so is rude, if you don’t pay attention, you will miss important information and find it more difficult to keep the conversation going.

Be Focused

People’s time is valuable, so you should only ask questions that you truly need the answers to.

It’s easy and tempting to pursue other issues, but if they’re not part of the reason for the conversation, then it’s better to ignore them – for now, at least, because you can always come back to them later if there’s time, or in a subsequent conversation.

Pause

Moments of silence may feel uncomfortable, but they can help draw out further information.

For example, the person you’re questioning may have given you some information, but it may not be complete. If you say nothing, they will often feel compelled to continue talking, because many humans don’t like silence, adding more details to what they have already said.

Don’t Put The Other Person On The Defensive

Some questions can come over as your being critical, even if that may not be your intention, but if the other person feels as though that’s what is happening, they will go on the defensive and clam up, not giving you the information you really need.

It’s better, therefore, to start with a more neutral wording.

For example, asking somebody why they are late with a project may suggest you think it’s their fault. Alternatively, you could simply ask for a status report, and see if they raise the subject of the work being late. If they don’t, then you can perhaps be more direct, but it at least gives the other person to talk about the lateness more openly first.

Conclusion

Asking effective questions seems to me to be part science and part art, but maybe that’s because my social skills are lacking.

That was never much of a problem when I was working as a systems analyst or IT strategist, because the questions and the environment were professional and business-like, but outside of work, small talk and conversations could be awkward and clumsy for me.

Ironically, I may be better at it these days, having learned a lot during the past 15 years since I gave up my office job, but since I rarely speak to people face-to-face (or even on the telephone), it’s all a bit academic.

Regardless though, learning how to ask questions in a neutral way that elicits the information you desire or need, without putting undue pressure on the other person, is a skill worth learning, because most people do have to interact with others, both at work and at home / socially, for large parts of the day.

Communication is, sadly, one of many vital life skills that are not taught at school, and yet poor communication (e.g. lack of it completely, misunderstandings) are the cause of so many problems.

For example, I’m sure you’ve probably experienced an argument where it eventually turns out that both of you actually share the same view, but the words you used (and maybe the body language too) made that common perspective somewhat opaque.

And lastly, asking the right questions (in the right way) does not mean you come over as being weak, as some people seem to think. It simply means that there is something you need to know and are doing something actively to address that shortcoming. (This is something I touch on in my review of the book “Humble Inquiry”.)

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Active Listening Course
2. Humble Inquiry
3. Just Listen