The Advantages Of Having Mentors And Role Models And Tips On How To Choose The Right Ones

This short video by Tony Robbins is a great introduction to why people need a mentor:

To be fair, Tony uses the word “coach”, but the principle is the same.

So, this article will look at the benefits of having both mentors and role models, and offers a few suggestions on how to find the right coaches for you.

The Difference Between A Role Model And A Mentor

You can learn a lot from both of these types of people, but they are not the same.

A role model is, essentially, somebody whom others wish to emulate.

A mentor, on the other hand, is somebody who provides one-on-one instruction and knowledge on one or more specific topics. While a mentor will typically talk to you on a scheduled basis, it’s also possible that it is somebody who is there for advice when needed.

The main difference, then, is that you can be somebody else’s role model without even knowing it, whereas a mentor actively agreed to coach you.

Benefits Of Having A Mentor

1. Accountability. This may be one of the more important reasons to have a mentor, which isn’t to say other people cannot fulfil this role for you. It’s usually referred to as having an accountability partner, who is somebody who will make sure you do what you promise to do – i.e. they will hold you accountable for your actions.
2. Career Opportunities. If your mentor works within your chosen profession or industry, they can help you find new opportunities that you might otherwise not be aware of.
3. Confidence. Having the knowledge and experience of a mentor behind you can be a great confidence booster.
4. Focus. A mentor can help you stay on track when you run into distractions. I know from personal experience how easy it is to lose focus on the main goal, and having somebody who can nudge you back in the right direction again is priceless.
5. Leadership Skills. Even though you may not have chosen your mentor for this reason, a good mentor can, either directly or indirectly, teach you what it takes to be a good leader.
6. Network. A mentor can introduce you to other members of their network, which helps you to build connections yourself.
7. Objectivity. Your mentor can act as a mainly independent third person to help you see things more objectively. For example, you may have trouble making a decision because your subjective opinion is clouding the issue, whereas a mentor is an outside viewer with no axe to grind either way.
8. Personal Development. Even if your mentor is helping you with something work-related, they can also, as a side-benefit, provide assistance with personal growth too. For example, it’s likely that acquiring a new skill, which may be the reason why you have a mentor, will require time and patience – something you may not already have. So in the process of learning that new skill, you will have to become more patient too – a skill you can also use in all walks of life.
9. Practicalities. There may be a theoretically or technically correct way of doing something, but your mentor may have a more practical way that might not be by the book, but it may work and save time and/or effort.
10. Problem Solving. If you are experiencing a problem in your life (either at home or at work), then a mentor can help you solve it. Ideally, the person won’t just give you the answer, because it’s less likely you’ll learn anything, but what they will do is give you pointers so that you can solve the problem by yourself.
11. Real-Life Learning. While you have have been to college or university for your chosen profession or skillset, there is a world of difference between what you learn in academia and what you learn in real life from people who are out there in the field. A mentor can help provide real-word context and tips on what it’s actually like. (In the past, as Tony Robbins mentions in that video, this was called apprenticeship, and it was a common practice in many trades and some professions too.)
12. Returning The Favour. This will come later, but after you’ve been mentored, and you’ve realized the benefits and learned what it was that you needed to learn, you will, one day, be in a position to mentor others – not only because you too now have the requisite knowledge and skills in whatever area it was, but also because you have seen mentoring in action, and whether your mentor’s intention was to train you to become one or not, you will undoubtedly have picked up on how they guided you along the way.
13. Sharing Your Successes. Mentors are not only there for you when you have problems – they should be included when you celebrate successes, because without them, you may not have achieved what you did. Remember too that, regardless of whether you are paying your mentor or not, the reason many of them choose to do what they do is because they enjoy helping people.
14. Sounding Board. If you have an idea that you need to bounce off somebody, then a mentor who has experience in that arena is a great person to discuss your idea with – they can help you flesh it out, point out any shortcomings, and, of course, provide encouragement.
15. Speed Of Learning. As Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying, “Learn from other people’s mistakes because you don’t have time to make them all yourself.” Learning from somebody who has already made many of the mistakes you might encounter puts you on a fast-track to becoming an expert – without having to spend time learning things the hard way yourself.

Are You Ready To Be A Mentee?

Before you go about finding a mentor, there are a few prerequisites:

1. You need to be able to define, in as much detail as you can, what you are looking for. For example, saying you need to be a better businessperson is too vague, but a need to develop your negotiating skills is more useful.
2. You need to be able to listen carefully to your mentor’s advice.
3. You need to be willing to follow your mentor’s advice and instructions.
4. You should be flexible – your mentor may tell you to do something in a way you’ve never encountered before, or that may even contradict your formal training.
5. You must be open to constructive criticism.
6. You must be willing to be persistent and commit to following through.
7. Understand what your own values and principles are. (You can find out more about this process here.)

How To Choose A Mentor

Make sure that:

1. They actually have the skills and knowledge you need. This should go without saying, of course, but it’s worth double-checking (e.g. can you find somebody who has worked with the mentor before).
2. The person has acted as a mentor before. Obviously, everybody has to start somewhere, but in general, it’s better to choose somebody who has been through the mentoring experience previously.
3. The person is somebody you admire and respect.
4. The person is authentic, because you need them to be honest and not pretending to be something they’re not.
5. The person has high standards, preferably both in the subject area you want help with, and personally too.
6. The person is a good listener – they need to be able to listen carefully to what you say you need, your problems, your feedback on following their advice, etc.
7. Their values are a good match for your own.
8. Their communication style is right for you. A mismatch here might mean you missing out on a lot of useful information because of misunderstandings.
9. You understand their expectations of you. Mentoring is a two-way relationship, so while you expect them to fulfil their half of the bargain, they too have expectations of you.
10. There is no personality clash. For example, if you’re an introvert, you may not want to be mentored by an extravert, unless your goal in being mentored is to become more extraverted, of course.
11. It’s not somebody you’re attracted to, since this can of course easily derail the mentoring process.

Choosing A Role Model

This is a slightly different process because it’s possible you will never meet them – unless it’s somebody you already know, of course.

For example, one or both of your parents (or other relatives) may be your role models, in which case you will be able to discuss your needs and progress with them, but in this situation, the people who are helping you are acting more like mentors, even though that may not be the term you use.

So, this section will assume that you are adopting somebody you don’t know (e.g. a well-known person in the public eye) as your role model.

As with choosing a mentor, it’s crucial that you understand your own values and principles (or, at least, the ones you want to live by even if you don’t yet do so), so you need to have worked out who the real you is first.

And you also need to know what you’re looking for – is it a specific personality trait, or a skill?

Only then can you decide whether somebody will make a good role model for you, by considering what it is about that person that you admire and can learn from.

For example, you might admire somebody because of:

• The way they handled adversity.
• Their prowess at a certain sport or profession.
• Their compassion for others.
• Their outspokenness.
• Their bravery.
• Their overall outlook on life.

A great way to learn more about your chosen role model is to read their autobiography (or authorized biography, if necessary).

And even if you don’t have any specific goals, you still need to decide what it is about a certain person that makes you want to emulate them.

Negative Role Models

People generally assume that role models are positive, but there is another type of role model – the negative one.

By this, I mean somebody who exemplifies characteristics that you do not admire and do not want to emulate.

In my case, I discovered that a person I did not want to be like, in many respects, was my father. For example, he was a tactless male chauvinist and a bigot – unless you were a heterosexual white male who spoke English, he more or less thought you should be put against the wall and shot – and he mistreated animals too.

As a young child, being able to identify these beliefs as ones that did not seem right enabled me to start building my set of values from an early age.

Don’t forget that it’s entirely possible that the same person can have attributes that you do wish to emulate and attributes that you do not wish to emulate.

The key, of course, is to know the difference between the two.

Final Notes

1. It’s possible to have more than one mentor. For example, you might select one to be a skill-based mentor, and another one to be a personal coach.
2. Don’t assume that mentors should always be older than you are. While it’s true that experience typically comes with age, it needn’t always be the case. For example, if you are somebody who took a lengthy career break to raise your children, you may need some guidance to bring you back up-to-date with current technology and practices; or if you are middle-aged and are being made redundant, you may need somebody to help you quickly learn a new trade or skill. In summary, anybody can be a valuable mentor if they have the skills or knowledge that you need.

Conclusion

Choosing the right mentors and/or role models offers many benefits – but you just need to be really careful who you choose.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Advice From Mentors