Memento Mori – A Negative Or Positive Reminder?

The phrase “memento mori” is a Latin term that essentially means, “remember you will die”.

I think I first came across it when I was at school – it is mentioned in the play One Way Pendulum by N.F. Simpson, which is a weird but enjoyable play, from our A Level syllabus, that borders on the surreal.

This saying is often associated with one of the better known stoics, Marcus Aurelius, and while it may sound a bit on the morbid side, that is not the intention at all.

Some may see it as a message of doom and gloom, and a case of “why bother doing anything if we’re all going to die?”

But that misses the point entirely.

What it really says is that, since we are human, our time here is short, and that we should therefore make the most of it while we can.

It is, I suppose, an anti-procrastination message at heart – if you keep putting things off that you either want or need to do, you’re wasting time, and, ultimately, your life.

And as a more-or-less life-long procrastinator, I get that.

As I’ve mentioned many times before, I don’t believe in having regrets, but that doesn’t necessarily prevent me from wondering how my life might be different today if I’d acted on some of the things I wanted to do, or ought to have done.

On a different tack, in some ways, it reminds me of the unexpected hanging paradox.

If you knew you were going to die on a specific date in the future, how would that affect your actions today?

Would you use your remaining time to do something you’d always wanted to do (e.g. an item off your bucket list, if you have one)?

Or would you try to do something that would allow more people to remember you (e.g. create art, write a book, write a will that leaves your money to a charity)?

Or would you simply try to enjoy yourself, however you define that?

And then suppose that your prognosis was that you would die tomorrow?

The same questions exist, but you may answer them somewhat differently given that you have 24 hours or fewer left to live.

But the thing is, the vast majority of people do not know when they’re going to die.

Perfectly healthy people can die in a freak accident.

Those who are chronically ill (and who may or may not know it) can die at any time, depending on just how severe that illness is.

Heart attacks can strike out of the blue, as was the case with my wife.

And whatever it is about aging that finally kills us, it can happen at any time – we have no death clock (or, at least, not one that we can currently read).

Assuming, then, that you recognize your death is imminent, whether you get several months’ notice, or only a second or two (or less), the exact moment is still usually a surprise – hence the reference to the paradox above.

And this gives us two ways to think about it – do we make the most of each day (or even each minute), or do we do nothing because we feel there is no point?

Most people clearly tend more toward the former – many work, get married, have children, go on vacation, eat out, etc. because they assume that today won’t be their last day and they want to enjoy life and do whatever they feel is meaningful.

Even having children is, usually at least, a way – arguably the most common way, in fact – to leave your mark on the world after you are gone.

It turns out, however, that there is another way to look at the concept of memento mori – the way that was espoused by early Christians as a way to get people to focus on the afterlife.

In that mindset, which is similar to the “what’s the point?” perspective, the kicker is, of course, that this life, the only one we know for certain we have, is empty and meaningless, because what’s important is the eternity that comes after you die, whether that’s in heaven or hell.

The obvious problem with this approach is, supposing you’re wrong?

Supposing when you die, that’s it? That there is no heaven or hell, or whatever afterlife exists in the worldview of your own religion?

You’ve then wasted your actual life in anticipation of something that will never happen.

So, what does this all mean?

Well, to me, I definitely take the view that the relatively short life we have is precious, regardless of who you are (and this applies to non-human animals too), and that we should therefore make the most of it.

And while I don’t have a traditional memento mori (e.g. a skull, as used in the play I mentioned above), I do think about my mortality most days.

This is largely because I live by myself now that my wife died in late 2018, and because I have three dogs who depend on me.

I am, therefore, all too aware that if I predecease them, they will have to go back to the rescue whence we adopted them, and that means there is a good chance they will be separated and end up in different homes (assuming they are re-adopted, since older dogs are harder to place).

The practical implications of this are that I am more conscious of my health (since I’m in my 60s now), and I try to make sure I take more care when doing things around the house (given that I’ve always been on the clumsy side).

My dogs are, as far as I know, about seven years old, given or take a year or so, and in the normal order of things, I would expect them to go before I do – but there are, of course, no guarantees, hence my concern and caution.

So to all intents, my three dogs are my memento mori, because they remind me of the finality of life all the time.

However, if I did lead a more normal life (e.g. going out, having a regular job), I may well be tempted to carry a memento mori with me, to reflect on at odd moments throughout the day – again, not because I’m obsessed with death (even though I was seriously suicidal for a long time about 15 or 16 years ago because of my depression), but because I want my life to matter, to me at least.

(This medallion, which I particularly like, comes from the Daily Stoic website, but there is no shortage of similar items for those who care to look. On this medallion, the flower, a tulip, on the right, represents life, the skull clearly portrays death, and the hourglass on the left is the symbol for time, whose sands never stop flowing.)

Conclusion

So, focus on life and what you will do with it – because we are all mortal.

The natural conclusion from all of this, to me, is to ensure that you work out, as early in life as you can, what’s truly important to you – what do you value, what principle do you want to live your life by, what do you want to achieve?

And on that note, you might find this article helpful.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Memento Mori Medallion