Learn To Stop Worrying About What Other People Think Of You

Introduction

Everybody compares themselves to other people and have been doing this since they were a child.

And it’s a natural thing for people to do because it provides a frame of reference for who they are and where they are in life.

The problem is that most comparisons are negative and based on insecurities and fear, which in turn can lead to a person becoming very bitter about another individual and even angry.

Negative comparisons like these often damage a person’s self-worth because they believe that they are not good enough.

Some people use comparisons to boost their ego and to validate that they are great, but this can often backfire and when it does, the person is left feeling angry and bitter and their self-esteem takes a big hit.

People make validation comparisons for quick ego boosts but these are not foolproof by any means.

There are a lot of people that idolize others and end up being overly dependent on them. They dedicate their lives to making these people happy and can only be happy themselves if they feel they have done enough.

In this situation the person being idolized has too much control of the other person.

However, not all comparisons are bad as you will learn in this guide.

You can use comparisons to improve your life and you will learn exactly how to do this, because the aim of this guide is to move you away from negative comparisons and start using positive comparisons to make your life better.

Why We Compare Ourselves To Others

It is a natural thing for human beings to compare themselves to others – we all do it and have done since an early age.

But the issue really is about how those comparisons make you feel.

If they empower you and spur you on to greater things then comparisons are very useful – but if, when you are comparing yourself with others, you feel unworthy and depressed, then this is where you need to change your approach.

In this report you will learn exactly how to stop comparing yourself to others to prevent these feelings of worthlessness and also how you can actually benefit from a comparison.

Once you have mastered how to use comparisons in a good way, you will find that you can automatically brush off any negative comparisons – it will not bother you that someone has something you don’t, because you will be focused on improving yourself and your own life.

Take A Good Look At Yourself

We have the capability to take a good look at ourselves and work out who we really are.

This is one of those things that sets human beings apart from the rest of the animal kingdom.

At any time we can go into deep thought about our life’s mission, and we can become inspired to be the very best that we can be rather than just drift along in life.

So what is the best way to really evaluate yourself?

The answer is that you need to compare yourself to others!

I know, that might sound counterintuitive but it’s true.

It is no use comparing yourself to your pet dog or cat. They are different species and will have few qualities that you will want to aspire to.

The trick is to make the comparisons benefit you.

Most people have standards in their heads that have not come from within but are externally influenced.

For example, think about:

• the girl who wants to lose a few pounds because she wants to look like the model on the cover of a magazine
• the boy going to the gym because he wants those six-pack abs he has seen in the movies.

The trouble with these kinds of comparisons is that they have not come from within you – instead of developing your own standards for beauty, you have let the external world dictate that to you.

The Festinger Research

Leon Festinger, a social psychologist, started to look into the reasons that we compare ourselves to others back in the 1950s, and after a lot of research and different studies he came to the conclusion that people compared themselves to others for two main reasons:

1. As a way to reduce uncertainty in their own life.
2. To learn how they should define how they should be.

Festinger called this “social comparison theory” and it was a significant breakthrough in human psychology, but the real breakthrough was how he uncovered that people were incapable of defining themselves independently or intrinsically – they have to make comparisons with others to achieve this.

The bottom line is that to define yourself, you need to compare yourself with other people.

He also made the important discovery that if there is a big difference in ability or opinion between two people, there was much less chance that a comparison would occur.

So here is an important takeaway from Festinger’s work: The more we think that a person is similar to us (for whatever important reasons), the more likely we are to want to compare with them.

Here is a common example.

At work you are far more likely to compare yourself to somebody who works on your team (an equal) than you are with the owner of the business or the CEO.

If you play amateur soccer then you will compare yourself to other players in your league much more than you will to a professional soccer player such as Lionel Messi.

The difference between an amateur soccer player and Lionel Messi is vast – but the difference between another amateur player is probably not that much.

That means it’s a lot more realistic for you to achieve the level of the other amateur player than it is to emulate Messi.

It was also discovered by Festinger that when a person stops comparing themselves with another person where they experience pain from not being like them, they are highly likely to be hostile with this person.

When you stop comparing yourself to another person who makes you feel down then the way that most people deal with this is to “tear down” their feelings towards that individual.

Often you will substitute another emotion such as anger to replace the negative experiences of the comparison.

Can you relate to this?

Have you ever stopped comparing yourself to another person because this was too painful for you and then turned against the individual?

If you did this then you are certainly not alone as it is a very common practice.

The final conclusion from Festinger’s work was that if we feel that a person or group of people are very important then we will exert a lot of pressure on ourselves to try to conform to the opinions and abilities of that person or group.

So for example, if you have joined a power spin class at your gym, you could feel that it is far more important for you to put in the maximum effort there than you would if you were to meet some cyclists on the road.

You see the spin club as an elite group that you need to aspire to whereas the cyclists on the road hold little importance for you.

In fact the spin class is so important to you that you pay your hard earned money to be part of it – and so does everybody else in the class!

Why You Compare Yourself To Others

At this stage you may be thinking that all that we have discussed so far is obvious – and you would be right.

But why do you keep acting in this way and experiencing negative emotions when comparing yourself to someone else doesn’t work out well?

Well you do this for two main reasons:

1. You want to know just how good you are.
2. You want to improve yourself.

These reasons are extremely important and later I’ll discuss how you can make comparisons that are healthy for you rather than those that are not.

In the next chapter I’ll discuss why comparing yourself to others can be a bad thing to do.

The Dangers Of Comparing Yourself To Others

Insecurity and fear are the main reasons that we compare ourselves to others – and this can lead to a lot of problems in our life that I’ll explain in detail in the next chapter.

What are we afraid of?

Well, most people believe that if other people really knew who we were then they wouldn’t like us, let alone love us.

The insecurity part is our failure to see the true value that we have to offer – we can either undervalue ourselves or overvalue ourselves.

If you think that you have very little value as a person then craving the approval of others is very likely.

In a situation where you think you are more valuable than you really are then you can often use others to validate this.

We Focus On The Wrong Things

When we reach adulthood we are far more likely to become aware of our own shortcomings and thoughts about ourselves.

And once this happens, they become a major focus for us.

All around us are social pressures to grow hair if we are balding, get six-pack abs if we are looking flabby, and make our teeth whiter, for example.

Being bombarded with these messages each day often brings a lot of pain to people and really doesn’t do much to make a positive change in our lives.

Our self-esteem takes a nose dive when we are confronted with these things so we just feel like giving up and staying the way we are.

People tend to live with a number of different paradoxes, but the fact is that we are good enough – but we can always get better.

There are actually advantages to comparing yourself to others if you do it right – and I’ll cover this in a later chapter.

You have to consider this question when you compare yourself to others: Is your comparison with others based on insecurity and fear, or is it because you want to improve yourself?

Let’s take a look at each of these in turn.

Comparing Yourself To Others Based On Insecurity And Fear

So many people do this but it is not a place that you want to be because it is likely to do you a lot more harm than good.

A few years ago you might have heard this called “coveting what others have”.

How do you feel about the following scenarios?

• Somebody that you work with and know very well gets promoted before you do. Do you feel angry about this?
• Your neighbour has a better car than you. Does this make you feel jealous?
• An old friend has developed a specific talent that has enabled them to set up their own business and make a lot of money. Do you feel resentful about this?

If you feel very strongly that you deserve more out of life than you are currently getting then this can drive fear within you that you are just not good enough.

Why should a person that joined your team after you did get promoted before you?

Why should an old friend that you went to school with who was no brighter than you now be making much more money than you?

When you have strong feelings like this then it is very easy to become bitter and feel discontented, and this can easily lead you into a “pity spiral” where you start to feel sorry for yourself often and lose your passion for life.

Another danger of being bitter is you can start to think bad things about the person who seemingly has more than you do. You know them very well and they just don’t deserve to be making more money or having a nicer car than you.

If bitterness really gets a hold in your life then your anger levels will rise significantly. You can start thinking evil thoughts like wishing harm on another person that has more money than you or hoping that someone steals your neighbour’s car for example.

Living a life centred around insecurity and fear leads to hopelessness and very little joy. You will become obsessed with the fact that you are simply not good enough so what is the point of it all?

There are examples of this insecurity and fear all around us.

For example, you probably know somebody who is divorced that totally despises the fact that their ex is now happy with a new person.

Instead of focusing on finding the right person to make them happy, they cling on to the past and live in resentment.

People that live this way often feel that they will never be good enough and end up just surviving rather than growing and leading a fulfilling life.

If you do not escape this kind of bitterness then you will never truly be happy.

Comparing Yourself To Others Based On The Desire To Improve

Sometimes you watch somebody else performing and just find it completely awe inspiring.

This happens a lot In sport where a budding young sports star who has to work tirelessly to improve their performance watches an experienced pro who just seems to make it all look effortless.

You can use this kind of inspiration to motivate yourself.

Seeing a sports star do the things that you want to do effortlessly is usually down to years of experience, but it can really spur you on to work harder and achieve the skills that this person has – because if they can do it, you can do it too.

Of course there is another side to this coin, and that is becoming resentful and bitter towards the sports star. or whoever you are in awe of.

You need to learn to use a comparison positively rather than negatively – don’t fall into bitterness and resentment, but instead go for inspiration.

You Let Others Drive Your Behaviour

Another downside of comparing yourself to others for the wrong reasons is that you put your life in their hands – you need to be on par with them or better to feel happy and contented, which is a very undesirable situation.

Here is a reality check for you: There are always going to be people that are better at some things than you!

And on the flip side of the coin: You are going to be better than them at other things!

In later chapters I’ll show you how you can focus on the most important person in the world – YOU.

I’ll show you how to concentrate all of your thoughts on loving yourself more, raising your self-esteem, and boosting your self-confidence.

In the next chapter I’ll look at how you can choose to make healthy comparisons with others that will help you.

How To Make Healthy Comparisons

You have learned a lot so far – you now know why we make comparisons with others and the dangers of making the wrong type of comparisons.

In this chapter I’ll discuss how you can make comparisons with others that are actually beneficial to you.

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