I Tried My Best – Meaningless Mantra Or Golden Opportunity?

A phrase you’ll frequently hear is “Well, I tried my best.” There are variations of this, but you get the idea.

But here’s the thing: did you really?

“I did my best” sounds an awful lot like a meaningless mantra in many cases, something people say to:

• Indicate they don’t want to talk about the subject any longer.
• Make themselves feel better.
• Stave off criticism (from either themselves or from others).

And in some ways, there’s nothing wrong with this – but I think there’s a big opportunity that is being missed.

So let’s unpick this simple statement.

What’s The Basis For It?

When you say you did or tried your best, what is the basis for coming to that conclusion?

In many cases, I suspect there is none – it’s more like wishful thinking.

Because, strictly speaking, the only way to honestly claim that is to analyze everything you did or said (as well as what you didn’t do or say), and then look for ways to improve it.

For example:

• Did you choose the most appropriate words (e.g. to make yourself understood, to reduce the chances of upsetting somebody else)?
• Did you use the most efficient method of doing the activity?
• Did you select the best tools for the job?
• Was there a step you missed in the process?
• Did you ask for help when you should have?
• Did you do a rush job when it really warranted more time being spent on it?
• Did you double-check your work (e.g. to check for problems or safety issues, to ensure compliance with policies)?
• Were there any assumptions you made that can not be supported by evidence and facts?
• Could I have put more effort or passion into it?

There are, of course, many other aspects of what you just did that could legitimately be challenged, but the point is, if you don’t ask yourself such questions, then how do you truly know whether you did your best or not?

If all you’re basing it on is gut feel, then you’re not being honest with yourself.

To use a medical term, it’s like doing a postmortem on what you did or said.

It may mean bearing all and opening up your innermost self, you may have to look very closely to find what you could have done better, and once you’ve finished the process, you may never be the same as you were before (which is sort of the point).

So, make a list of the questions you need to ask, do some soul-searching, and come up with your best answers. (You may want to make a note of these questions, so that you can have them to hand next time you need them.)

What To Do Next?

Once you’ve asked yourself the above questions (and probably many more), and you’ve answered them, then you already have most of the information you need.

But what do you do with it?

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Discuss the experience, your questions and your answers, with somebody else (e.g. a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or the person who was affected by your not doing all you could have done). For example, ask them what they think you could or should have done differently, and remember to say you’re after constructive criticism only.

   And if you’re currently in therapy for some reason, discuss it there too, since your therapist is, theoretically, an objective third party.

2. Write down all the answers to your questions and what you learned in a notebook. (Studies have shown that writing by hand is a more effective way to remember and understand information than typing it into a computer.)
3. Create or update procedures. Procedures are useful documents that allow anybody, whether they are trained or not, to follow step-by-step instructions on how to do a specific task.

   They are normally used in a work environment to help new (or temporary) staff members do certain activities while adhering to company policies.

   However, there is no reason why you cannot create a procedure for yourself. You may think you’ll remember the learning points the next time you do whatever job you’ve just done, but a safer way is to make sure you have the necessary information recorded in a procedure, especially if it’s a job you don’t do very often.

   This way, you won’t accidentally leave a step out, or do them in the wrong order.

4. If it’s appropriate, then for your own peace of mind and because it is the right thing to do, apologize (preferably in person) to anybody who may have been affected by your not having done your best and who deserved more.

So Why Question Whether You Did Your Best Or Not?

If saying “I did my best” is nothing more than noise, why even bother to dig deeper and improve?

Well, there are a few reasons for doing this, which include:

• Increasing your worth. By gradually truly becoming the best at a certain activity, assuming it has commercial worth, your value increases because people pay more for workers with better skills.
• Keeping you, and others, safe, because sometimes not doing the best job you can may be dangerous.
• Learning from any mistakes, so you can do a better job next time or be a more empathetic person.
• More satisfaction. In spite of how it may sometimes appear, most people want to do the best job they can, which isn’t to say that sometimes good enough isn’t OK, but knowing that you honestly could not have done better will give you a much greater sense of satisfaction that doing just enough to scrape by.

A Caveat About Perfectionism

Continuous improvement, a practice known in Japan as kaizen, is a great way to effect massive change in your life through small but incremental modifications to your attitudes and behaviours.

The trend is toward perfection, but remember that perfection itself is rarely, if ever, achievable.

I’ve already written about the dangers of striving for perfection, so the trick is to know when further effort will be unproductive or too costly.

This is something the well-known Pareto Principle (aka the 80/20 Rule) seeks to address.

Conclusion

Who knew that the common saying “I did my best” could reveal so much?

So, the next time you hear yourself saying (or thinking) it, step back for a moment and honestly ask whether the statement is correct or not.

If not, then it’s time to drill down and discover what you can change for the better.

And if you ever genuinely reach the stage where “I tried my best” is 100% true and there is nothing left for you to improve, then congratulations!

Speaking for myself, I won’t be holding my breath. 🙂

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Kaizen