9 Reasons Why Judging Others Hurts You Too

Judging other people is probably something we have all done – it seems like it’s part of being a human.

And it may seem like a harmless pastime, especially if you keep those judgements to yourself, but the problem is, it’s not as innocuous as you might think.

The fact is, it can be toxic, both to you and to others.

In some ways, it can even be like gossip, and that is rarely a positive activity.

The net result of this is that other people may think less of you, but perhaps worse than that, you may end up being unnecessarily hard on yourself too.

There are many reasons why we judge others, or the results of their efforts, but it’s partly about trying to have some control over your life and the environment in general.

And that may be OK, up to a point, but what about the negative repercussions?

The question is, then, what exactly do you gain when you judge others?

So, here are a few reasons why you should try to cut down, or eliminate, the judgements you make.

1. It’s a huge waste of time. Judging others accomplishes nothing tangible, which means you’re expending energy for no good reason. Instead, you could use that time doing something more worthwhile, such as doing some creative activity (e.g. painting, writing), exercising, listening to music (e.g. to help you relax), reading, taking a nap, or talking to a friend.
2. People don’t trust you. If you share your negative judgements with others, this can lead to them not trusting you. How can they be sure that you won’t be judgemental about them when their back is turned? This is why double agents are not to be trusted – if they’ve betrayed somebody once, then what reason do you have to assume they won’t do it again?
3. It makes you look bad. It’s generally regarded as bad manners to criticize others behind their back. And it doesn’t matter what you’re complaining about (e.g. the quality of somebody’s front garden, the car they drive) – it’s still negative and unpleasant. Contrast that behaviour with how well-adjusted people behave – they rarely voice negative opinions, especially out of the blue. Strong people help others up, they don’t push them down.
4. You open yourself up to judgement from others. Christians, and maybe others, are probably familiar with the quotation, taken from Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” While its exact meaning is disputed, especially when taken out of context, the general idea is that if you judge others, they are likely to judge you in return. And, ironically, you probably wouldn’t appreciate that – so why judge them? (This is, of course, the whole point of the Golden Rule.)
5. Judging others negatively affects your mood. While judging somebody might make you feel good, that feeling will not last long. By judging, you’re acting on a negative impulse, and that leads to a negative outcome which you carry with you wherever you go. It’s almost similar to the effects of the crash you get after eating something sugary – you feel good at first, and energized, but then the crash sets in and you feel worse than you did to begin with.
6. You’re really just trying to protect your ego. We humans do like to compare ourselves to others, largely because it massages our ego – we look at whether we are more successful or wealthier, or whether we have more status symbols, and so on. And people do this because it’s usually easier to drag somebody else down than it is to put in the work necessary to make yourself a better person. Doesn’t it make sense, though, to spend your time enhancing your own life, rather than trying to bring others down?
7. Being hard on others is also being hard on yourself. Being critical of others leads to being critical of yourself, and that’s because your brain has a hard time distinguishing between being critical of other people and being critical of yourself. That’s how habits form – something you do repeatedly teaches your brain what to do in future, so if you are always critical of others, it will assume that it should be critical all the time, even of yourself.
8. Judgement can be a form of selfishness. We tend to dislike those that have things we want but don’t have. We then want those things for ourselves, while not wanting others to have them, and we do this because it highlights the fact that we’ve failed to attain it. The answer is simple – let others enjoy the rewards of their hard work and use that as motivation to achieve what we truly want (i.e. not what we think we want solely because somebody else has it).
9. You’re avoiding reality. Many of the things you dislike in others are things that you dislike about yourself – something often referred to as projection. Again, it’s easier to project these negative qualities out onto other people, but this is nothing more than a way to hide from yourself – and reality.

Conclusion

I hope you can see by now that judging others hurts you more than it hurts them, especially if they are the sort of people who have liberated themselves from caring what others think.

For example, judging others can damage your standing with other people, you can even end up making enemies, and you might think less of yourself.

Notice how these consequences are all negative?

Instead of judging other people, it is more prudent to make the necessary changes to enhance the aspects of your life that you’re dissatisfied with – focus on positive changes to yourself and your own life, and life will become more fulfilling for you.

And on that note, you might like to take a look at my guide to Kaizen, which is all about gradual but continuous improvement.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Be Kind To Yourself