Sexting Tips For Couples In Committed Relationships

I’ve already written about sexting, from the perspective of being a parent who is concerned about the consequences it may have for their children, but in this article, I’m approaching the subject from a different angle – that of couples who use it to spice up their relationship.

What Would Couples Engage In Sexting?

Let’s start by looking at some of the reasons people in committed relationships would want to send sext message to each other:

1. It can strengthen both the physical and emotional bond between the two of you.
2. Sexting has been described as digital foreplay because you can use it to get your partner (and you) in the mood before you meet up. Maybe one of you is at home and the other is on a train travelling home from work. Or maybe you’re both at work, and on a break, and want to set the mood for when you see each other again at the end of the day.
3. For couples who have lost that initial spark, this can be a way to recreate some of the excitement you first felt when dating. (I actually have an entire course on how to keep the spark alive.)
4. Sexting is also great if one of you has to go away with work for a while. Not only does this help you stay connected, but it’s also a good reminder of what’s on offer when you get back home. Arguably, this can also be a way to help prevent the absent partner from straying while they are away from home.
5. And lastly, for those in long-distance relationships, where they rarely meet face to face, or those who are Internet dating and never meet (which was the case with my second wife and me, which I’ve written about here), sexting can be a way to help build your relationship. It’s almost as though sexting is the foreplay to phone sex.

Guidelines For Successful Sexting

As with anything in a relationship, it’s important to do it the correct way, so here are a few tips and guidelines to help ensure sexting works well for both of you:

1. Don’t start sexting with your partner completely out of the blue. This is something you should discuss to make sure you’re both open to the idea.
2. Respect your partner’s comfort zone, so don’t push it too far beyond what you know they enjoy.
3. Naked photos are not necessary, which is good news for those people who still feel awkward at the thought of sending nudes, even to their partner.
4. For women, you can send your man suggestive photos (e.g. lingerie, the bed, cleavage), because men are typically more visually oriented when it comes to sex.
5. For men, use words to engage your lady emotionally. While there are exceptions (e.g. those who love dirty talk), you should aim for romantic, suggestive, complimentary, and if you really want to do something different, try writing a short love poems (many of the ones I wrote were 8 – 16 lines), or if that’s too much, a haiku (which is only three lines).
6. If your partner is not at home, send a text message first to make sure that their situation is amenable to sexting – just in case their boss is looking over their shoulder.
7. Start the sexting out with something flirty and teasing, and gradually build up to the more intimate material.
8. Emergencies aside, if you offer something (e.g. sex) via a sexting session, make sure you follow through on that promise, otherwise at least one of you will end up feeling disappointed and maybe even resentful.
9. Be creative – you can easily role play via sext and try out things you may not want to do in person, not yet, at least.
10. Keep messages brief – reading a message should not feel like a lot of work.
11. Be careful about saving sext messages (or any accompanying photos or videos). Even if you’re in a committed exclusive relationship, there is always the possibility that somebody else (including your children) may get their hands on things you’d rather they not see.
12. Sexting is not a great idea if you’re trying to mend a broken relationship, because it’s likely that the issues between you run a lot deeper than anything physical.
13. And lastly, always, always, always, make sure you’re sending the message to the right person!

Sexting Games

Apart from simply sending each other suggestive messages (and photos), why not play games too?

Example include:

1. Easter Egg Hunt. This is like the traditional game, played mainly by children, but it’s the adult version, especially for those who are not yet living together, or for those where one of you has to go away for a while. One person hides something (i.e. in their own home if they are away, or at their partner’s house if they’re still separate), and then, via sext, leaves clues about where the item is. The item might be some sexy underwear (which they may or may not have seen), a new sex toy, or anything you think will excite them.
2. Guessing Games. Ask your partner to guess something – what you’re wearing is a popular choice, or what colour it is – and then, as a reward when they get it right, send them a photo of you wearing that item (which can be as graphic as you want).
3. Memories. In this one, you ask your partner questions about a recent (intimate) experience you shared. Start off with some bland questions (e.g. do you remember when we stayed in that hotel?), and ask progressively deeper ones until you end up talking about the sex you had that night.
4. Menu. Offer your partner a few options (two or three is fine) about what they’d like to do (e.g. go for dinner, take a bath together, or go straight into sex), and when they choose one, offer two or three more related options.
5. Sharing The Fun. You could send your partner a link to a book or movie, and then read / watch it together. Needless to say, whatever it is, it should be erotic (or even porn if you’re both up for that), and you can tell each other which parts you found particularly stimulating.
6. Submission. One person gets to be the master, while the other has to do everything that the master says. You obviously need to decide up front what the boundaries of this game will be (e.g. only within the home, or out in public, whether removing clothes is acceptable), and you need to ensure your partner remains safe at all times. And, of course, you should take turns, swapping the roles when you decide (e.g. daily, every hour).
7. Would You Rather. You may already be familiar with this game, often played at parties, but if you make the options sex-related, you can make it a much more interesting activity for you and your partner. You can start off with relatively innocuous ones (e.g. would you rather I run your fingers through you hair or give you a foot massage?), and move on to more intimate options (e.g. would you rather I dress up as a sexy nurse or as a schoolteacher?)

These are just a small sampling of what you could do, but the real key is to create your own games, with your partner, and don’t be afraid to experiment.

Sexting Apps

You probably won’t be surprised to learn that apps exist specifically for the purpose of sexting.

Some are designed so that strangers can sext with each other (e.g. Sext.com, skibbel), while others are designed specifically for couples (e.g. Disckreet).

Some people say you can even use Facebook messaging if you want, but of course you need to be aware that, whatever they say, there is no guarantee that what you send each other is 100% private, which is why I would never consider sending anything private or intimate via that medium.

Conclusion

Sexting is, as far as I can tell, a more modern version of phone sex, since it allow you send to digital content too (e.g. photos, videos, audios).

And while I’ve never tried sexting, I do have (a very pleasurable) experience of phone / Internet / chat sex, and in the right situation, I would definitely consider giving it a go.

As long as you respect each other’s desires and needs, and make sure that it always says private, go for it.

And if you want to try sexting with strangers, then as long as everything is secure, you remain anonymous, and you keep things legal, then that’s up to you – but this article was written for people in serious, committed relationships.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Disckreet
2. Sext.com
3. skibbel