25 Tips To Make Your Relationship Stronger And Longer Lasting

Relationships involve a lot of work, and they almost always go through a series of ups and downs.

But when you enter a relationship, you owe it to both yourself and your partner to do everything you can to make it successful – to weather the storms and come out stronger, and to make the most of all the good times.

This article explores a few tips on making your relationship stronger, and, consequently, longer lasting.

1. Your Partner Comes First

   This should go without saying, but if your partner is not the most important person in your life, then maybe you’re not in the right relationship.

2. Be Respectful

   Given the previous tip, then it’s important to show your partner respect. If you disrespect them, then you have to ask whether they truly are the most important person in your life.

   Remember that respect must be earned, so if you want to be respected, which seems like a reasonable assumption, then you have to show it too.

3. Trust Them
   Until given a watertight reason not to, you should trust your partner implicitly.

   As with respect, this is a two-way thing, and it’s vital that neither of you do anything to break that trust, because trust is so easy to lose and so difficult to regain.

   If one or both of you become jealous then this is a serious red flag that needs to be dealt with immediately.

4. Discuss Important Issues Sooner Rather Than Later

   There are some things you need to discuss as soon as possible – ideally before you commit to a relationship.

   These include whether you want children, your beliefs (e.g. religion, politics), what type of relationship you want (some couples are happy with open relationships, subject to certain rules), finances (e.g. how many bank accounts are the two of you going to maintain), your expectations, division of responsibilities, and, of course, sex (e.g. what you like, what you don’t like, how far you’d be prepared to go, as well as how you plan on preventing unwanted pregnancies).

   Some of these issues can make or break a relationship, but it’s better to get them on the table up front.

   Recognize too that people’s views on these matters can change. For example, when you get together (or get married), you may both have decided you don’t want children, and then, later on, one of you changes your mind. These things happen, but you need to be able to discuss this openly and constructively.

5. Don’t Ignore Them

   If your partner has something on their mind and wants to talk about it, ignoring them and continuing to watch television or play games on your computer is not going to help.

   You’re in this together, and your goal should be to do whatever you can to make your partner happy, because that will help both of you in the long run.

   And a lack of communication (or miscommunication) is one of the most common problems that will result in a break-up.

6. Spend Time Together Each Day

   I accept that there are many calls on our attention these days, and it can be difficult sometimes to coordinate schedules, but it’s important to spend time together to talk, or even to sit there quietly and cuddle.

   Note that this is not the same as watching television together, for example.

   The goal here is to be present with each other, and not to be individually or mutually distracted by anything else.

7. Be Grateful For Your Partner’s Positive Qualities

   Even though there may be times when your partner annoys you, remember that you got together because of the positive aspects you saw in them.

   So here’s a great idea borrowed from Zig Ziglar:

   1. Write down all the things you like about your partner.

   2. Before going to bed, take your list, stand in front of a mirror, and read out loud, in an enthusiastic voice, each item – but replace the words “I like” with “I love”.

   3. Repeat the previous step first thing in the morning.

   4. Carry the list with you at all times (e.g. as a document on your phone or as a paper list in your wallet or purse) and add to it whenever you think of something else that you like or love about your partner.

   Another approach would be to maintain a gratitude journal, and write down all of the things you love about your partner. The practices of gratitude and journalling both have many benefits, but it may be less practical to carry your journal with you wherever you go, so the list idea might be a better option.

8. Stay In Touch Regularly

   It never hurts to check in occasionally to make sure your partner is OK if you’re away.

   Obviously, you don’t want to overdo this and have your partner think you’re spying on them because you’re jealous – your motive needs to be (and come over as) concern for them.

9. Spend Time Apart

   No matter how much you love each other, it is sometimes helpful to do something with other friends – a girls’ night out, a weekend camping trip with the boys, a visit to a sports game, a trip to the theatre.

   Provided you trust each other, as you should, then this should never cause a problem.

   And sometimes, you just need time alone. As somebody who is primarily introverted, I know from personal experience that this can be really important. Maybe you need to go out by yourself and do something you enjoy (e.g. a bicycle ride, a trip to the gym, a walk in the park), or maybe just staying up later than your partner would be enough (which is something I frequently did).

10. Don’t Hold Grudges

    As humans, we all make mistakes from time to time (whether we accept that or not), which means your partner will too.

    So ask yourself which is better – to hold a grudge and bring the subject up all the time, thus putting your relationship at risk, or to forgive them and continue trying to strengthen your relationship, accepting that they made a mistake.

    Don’t forget too that forgiveness is more about you than the other person – it doesn’t mean you condone what they did or said, but it does mean you are not going to let it adversely affect you any longer.

11. Be Affectionate

    This does not, of course, mean you need to be having sex every minute of the day and night – affection can be shown by a hug, a kiss (on the lips or cheek or forehead or hand), or a quick (and gentle) squeeze of their hand, for example.

12. Never Part On Bad Terms

    Let’s assume you’ve just had an argument, immediately before you go to work, and then during the day, one of you is killed in an accident.

    Do you really want those final, angry words to be your last memory of your partner?

    I can’t speak for you, of course, but I know I wouldn’t.

    And those who have had this happen list it as as major regret.

    So, always try to part, whether it’s for a week away with work, a weekend trip with friends, a day at the office, or even a trip to the store, on a positive, affectionate note.

    Before you walk out of the door, tell your partner that you love them, give them a hug and/or kiss, and smile.

    And do this sincerely and with passion – when it becomes a routine peck on the cheek as you leave, then you’ve lost the plot.

13. Random Gifts

    Although not everybody loves surprises, I think most people would appreciate a random gift that shows you’re thinking of them.

    This need not be, of course, anything large and expensive – all that’s required is something that you know your partner will like, whether it’s their favourite cake from the store, a CD by a band they love, a book by their favourite author, or flowers.

    As the name suggests, you should not turn this into a routine (e.g. don’t come home from work every single Friday with something) – it’s the randomness that helps make this work.

14. Share Big Picture Goals

    Many of your goals may be personal and different, but in the bigger picture, the two of you should be working towards a common one.

    Obviously, staying together should be one common long-term goal, but that’s not really enough.

    So, maybe you both want to raise a family, or be able to retire somewhere you both want as soon as you can, or help others in some way.

15. Pay Compliments

    Needless to say, these should be sincere compliments, not empty flattery, about things of substance.

    It might be a “thank you” for making dinner, or a good idea they had, or how great they look in their outfit, or something they did to help another person.

16. Expect Your Partner To Change

    Both you and your partner will change as your relationship matures. This is natural, of course, and you should be pleased for the growth that your partner displays.

    Note that this is not the same as entering a relationship with the objective of changing your partner into the person you think they should be.

17. Remember You’re A Team

    This may be more of a personal bugbear of mine, but when you’re in a relationship, I think the word “our” should replace the word “my”.

    When one half of a couple says something like, “My house is…”, I can’t help but think that there is something wrong with their attitude.

    You’re together now, so you should be talking about “our house”.

18. Be Supportive

    Again, if your partner is important to you, and you want them to be happy, then you should support their goals and ideas.

    You also need to have each other’s backs at all times.

    I remember when my first wife’s parents were staying with us once, and my mother-in-law said something to my wife that was unacceptable. I called her out on it and told her not to talk about my wife in that manner in our house, and that they could either leave right now or go and apologize.

19. Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry In Public

    If you do have disagreements, then it does neither of you any favours to argue in public.

20. Be Vulnerable

    By this, I mean there should be nothing you cannot discuss with your partner. This might include incidents from before you met that were embarrassing, or that you’re not proud of now, or health issues (especially mental health ones).

    If you trust each other, and have each other’s backs, then this will help strengthen your relationship – partly because you do trust the other person with information that you have always considered very personal and private.

21. Tell Them How You Feel

    I don’t mean just the negative stuff (e.g. angry, disappointed), but the positive emotions too (e.g. happy, proud).

    I realize this may be more difficult for men than women, but everybody has feelings, whether you like it or not, and sharing how you feel with your partner is one way to help strengthen that bond.

    You can and should share in each other’s joys just as much as you can share in any pain.

22. Don’t Talk Behind Your Partner’s Back

    Hearing another person bad-mouth their partner is uncomfortable for me, and it’s not exactly a great way to demonstrate the respect and support you should be showing.

    If you have issues, you should be discussing them with your partner.

23. Have Fun

    If you are not having fun in your relationship, then you are missing out on one of the most important aspects.

    So do things that make both of you smile and laugh – this might be watching funny movies you both enjoy, or talking about happy memories, or playing games, or doing an activity you both enjoy.

    And in the same vein, try to be playful with each other.

24. Enjoy Your Intimacy

    Following on from the previous tip, it’s important to be intimate, and this isn’t restricted, of course, to intercourse.

    Intimacy can be as simple as shared experiences and feelings, in-jokes that only the two of you know can appreciate, touching each other in certain ways (e.g. massages), and foreplay,

    And when it does come to sex, make sure you both know what each other likes and dislikes, don’t ever push your partner to do something they don’t want to do, but also be prepared for some experimentation.

    Being intimate together, whatever that means to the two of you, is one of the elements that makes a relationship great and worthwhile.

25. Be Prepared To Let Go

    This last tip is a difficult one, but if you truly love them and only want them to be happy, then you have to be prepared to let them go if that is what would be best for them, whether you want to break up or not.

Conclusion

Being in the right relationship can be more rewarding than you would ever have thought beforehand – but only if you both put in the time and effort to make it work.

I hope you find the above ideas helpful, and if you have any tips on what works for you, then I’d love to hear about them.

And finally, please check out my How To Keep The Spark Alive course – it contains 30 lessons on how to keep the flame burning.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Making Your Marriage Work
2. Relationship Questions