19 Guaranteed Ways To Kill The Mood

Having sex can be the most magical of times – it is often physically pleasurable (hopefully for both of you) and it can be a way of bonding emotionally that is unsurpassed.

But a lot of things need to come together for that to happen (pun intended), because it really doesn’t take that much to ruin the mood completely.

This article discusses some of those mood-killers, so that you can try to ensure they don’t happen to you.

Bad Hygiene

A failure to take basic care of your own body (e.g. cleanliness, grooming) may be one of the biggest turn-offs there is, so if you’re guilty of any of the following, it’s time, literally, to clean up your act:

• Body odour.
• Bad breath.
• Teeth that have not been cleaned.
• Unclean genitals.
• Dirty hair.
• Dirt under your fingernails.
• Nose hair.
• Farting.
• Kling-ons (also sometimes known as muck buttons).

It is generally preferable, even if your sex is a spontaneous decision, to go and freshen up first, even if that delays matters by a few minutes.

Begging

If it’s not clear whether sex is on the table or not (e.g. toward or at the end of a date), then there are ways to suggest it that are OK, and there are ways that will be a turn-off.

One way to see if the other person is game is by offering them a good (no, make that great) kiss.

And one way to make them say “no” is to beg. Desperation is rarely a positive attribute, so take the hint and walk away.

Being A Bad Kisser

Rightly or wrongly, because it doesn’t necessarily correlate to how good you are in bed, kissing badly can be a real turn-off.

This might include:

• Bad breath.
• Being over-aggressive (e.g. with your tongue).
• Biting too much or too hard.
• Bumping teeth.
• Having dry lips.
• Heavy breathing.
• Kissing too fast.
• Slobbery, overly wet kisses.
• Weird noises.

Being Drunk

This was a massive turn-off for me, mainly because of the offensive smell emanating from my partner’s mouth, but also because the sex was rarely pleasurable and was often painful.

It’s one thing to loosen up a bit (if alcohol is your thing), but if one or both of you are too drunk to pay attention to each other’s needs, then it’s not going to be the sort of sex you remember and talk about afterwards.

Children

If you have children, then you probably don’t need me to tell you that having them walk in on you when you’re having sex is a pretty good and quick way to kill the mood in a heartbeat.

Criticism

Criticizing your partner’s performance is a great way to take sex off the table.

By all means tell them what you like and don’t like, and if they do something you find unpleasant, because you’ve not discussed that yet, then be considerate when you try to correct them, not aggressive or insulting.

Also in this category is making negative comments about how your partner looks. Beauty is, as they say, in the eye of the beholder, and what matters is how well the two of you bond and are in tune, both physically and emotionally.

What you should be doing is telling your partner the most honest, positive compliment you can honestly say.

Indecision

This is not like asking your partner what they want to eat, or where, when saying you don’t know is not that crucial.

Not knowing, or not caring, what the two of you do in the bedroom can come over as dismissive, as though you don’t care about your partner’s needs either.

Lack Of Confidence

It seems as though this is a bigger issue for women than men, but either way, if the two of you are in sync, neither one of you should need to be timid or constantly asking if it’s OK to do something that the other person is already assuming is going to happen.

Note, though, that being confident is not the same as being pushy, which can also be a turn-off.

Lack Of Foreplay

Unless you are both in need of a quickie, foreplay is vital to heighten your arousal and truly get you in the mood, and in many cases, this applies more to women than men, of course.

Foreplay not only gives your body time to warm up, but the anticipation of sex itself makes it all the more pleasurable when you reach that point.

And avoiding foreplay, or not taking long enough over it, makes it seem like you’re only in it for yourself, not for the other person.

Pets

Having pets jump on the bed or sofa when you’re making out or having sex can be a real mood-killer.

So, even if your cat or dog, say, is usually allowed in your bedroom, it will generally be better and less distracting if you shut them out.

Random Groping

This might have been fun (for you at least – and I’m talking to the men here) when you were first exploring a woman’s body, but it’s not a great way to get a woman fired up and ready for sex.

You need to be slow and rhythmic, and show that you know what you’re doing.

If you come over as never having seen a woman’s body before, then you probably won’t be coming at all, if you get my drift.

Referring To An Ex

Talking about previous partners is often fraught with danger, which is why you need to be careful when and where you mention them, but the one place you definitely do not want to talk about your ex is when you’re making out or having sex with your current partner.

I’ll come back to this one later (see below).

Responding To Distractions

This typically applies to checking or answering your phone while you are kissing, cuddling, or even in the middle of sex itself.

Not only does it spoil the mood, but it also sends a message that whatever the interruption was is more important than your partner – which is not the message you want to send, of course.

Selfishness

This in part applies to the lack of foreplay mentioned earlier, but it’s much broader than that.

Successful sex is as much, if not more so, about giving satisfaction to your partner as it is about you gaining pleasure.

If the other person feels in any way that you’re having sex for your benefit only, and not theirs, that’s going to pull them right back out of the mood.

Surprise Intrusions

By this, I mean inserting your finger (or other bodily parts) into an orifice when your partner was not expecting it.

If you don’t already know how they feel about this and you do not have their consent, it is sexual assault.

Unsuitable Language

This might be any of the following:

• Using dirty talk when it’s not wanted.
• Using the wrong type of dirty talk.
• Not using dirty talk when it is wanted.
• Making suggestions about threesomes or similar.
• Unnatural language (e.g. words or phrases that sound forced and insincere).

As Rudyard Kipling said, “Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”

Using The Wrong Name

If you want to stop sex dead in its tracks, all you need to do is call out the wrong name – and it doesn’t matter whether it’s the name of a former lover, or you just got your current partner’s name wrong.

Either way, there will suddenly be a much more important matter on the other person’s mind, like who is that person, how did you know them, etc., etc.

Wrong Choice Of Movie

Yes, some people like to cuddle and have sex while a movie is playing on the television.

So be aware that not all movies are ones you should have on while being intimate.

Wrong Choice Of Music

If you are going to have music playing while you’re having sex, you need to ensure it’s your choice, and not somebody else’s (e.g. a radio DJ).

So, assuming you put your own playlist together, then it should be something that you both like, that is not too distracting, and that enhances the mood.

This is clearly a highly personal choice, and while you can find sites that list what they claim are the best or worst songs to play when having sex, that does not, of course, mean they are for you.

You may also not even know which music is a turn-off for your partner. For example, one of your favourites might remind the other person of a relationship that ended really badly, so they probably don’t want to hear it with you.

Conclusion

As you can see, it can be really easy to ruin the mood, but if you’re considerate and sensitive to your partner’s needs and desires, they’re also easy to avoid.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Guide To Sex
2. How To Kiss
3. Intimacy
4. Sex Book For Men
5. Sex Book For Women