Top 10 Success Skills To Teach Your Children

Success is a skill, not a talent.

Although many people use these two words interchangeably, I like the way that the StrengthsFinder book, now called Clifton Strengths, differentiates the two: they define talents as innate qualities you are born with that do not tend to change much over your life, while skills are things that you can learn and acquire.

With that difference in mind, then that means practically anybody can be taught the skills they need to be successful in life.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that being a successful student, which is more about passing tests and getting good grades in exams than anything else, does not always translate to being a successful adult.

And while every parent wants their child to be successful at school, academically and/or at sport in most cases, it’s crucial to remember that the current school system does not teach children the skills they need beyond that environment.

That means it falls upon you, as the parent(s), to teach your children the life skills they will need to make it in this world.

This article lists ten skills that you should try to teach your children, and the earlier you start, the more success you (and they) are likely to have.

Set Goals

Even a child can set goals, although theirs may be somewhat different to yours.

For example, a child’s goals might be to get an A on a test, earn a spot on the soccer team, or finish reading a long book.

The point is, learning to set an objective and develop a plan to achieve it are valuable skills for anybody of any age.

And remember that some goals may be short-term, like tomorrow’s test at school, while others may be longer-term, such as wanting to be a concert pianist.

It’s therefore often useful to have a balance between the two types of goals.

Work Daily Toward A Purpose

Having a goal and a plan is, in many ways, the easy part – it’s the execution of that plan that is much more challenging.

So, you can help your child to put in the time each day to achieve something worthwhile.

Examples might include studying for a big test or exam, exercising each day, learning how to draw animals or how to play an instrument.

Focus

No one teaches us how to concentrate or focus.

In fact, most of us spend our lives distracting ourselves, which is the exact opposite of focus.

Meditation is one tool for teaching focus, but there are many other options, including:

• Setting a timer and asking your child to focus on their homework for ten minutes straight.
• While totally removing access to your children’s computers, tablets, and phones is not always the best option, you might want to consider some of these strategies to help them at least disconnect occasionally.
• Avoiding letting your child read a book or play on their tablet while watching television. Teach them to only engage in one activity at a time – because multitasking is actually not as efficient or effective as many people think.

You’ll find other tips on minimizing distractions here.

Care Little What Others Think

This is a tough one to master at any age, but it’s especially challenging for children because of the effects of peer pressure. (It took me until I was in my 40s before I even began to crack this one.)

Regardless, it’s difficult to be successful if you’re constantly worried about the opinions of others – even those people you don’t like or respect.

So, try to set a good example and show your children what it means to be brave.

And note that not caring about what others think is not the same as being unempathetic – being sensitive to others’ feelings is a crucial part of growing up to be an emotionally mature adult.

Risk Failure

The willingness to fail is strongly correlated with success – successful people fail much more frequently than the average person.

The more often you’re willing to fail, the more success you’ll find.

Teach this lesson to your children and, again, set a good example.

Deal With Failure

Following on from the above, then once failure has occurred, it’s important to make the most of it.

This is epitomized in this common quote, attributed to Thomas Edison: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

You therefore need to teach your child that failure is a learning opportunity that makes them stronger and more capable.

The key, of course, is to objectively review the reason for the failure and then come up with a plan to ensure you don’t make that same mistake twice and that you do better next time.

Deal With Uncomfortable Feelings

Fear is the greatest blocker to success, but the inability to deal with negative feelings in general leads to bad habits such as drinking, using drugs, overeating, and wasting time on stimulating activities with little value.

So, you should try to help your child to deal with uncomfortable feelings in a positive way.

This will be especially important when your children are older and develop relationships with others – including friendships, business partnerships and, of course, romantic relationships.

Interpersonal Skills

It’s not easy to be happy and successful on your own, and it is said that humans evolved to be social animals. In fact, without our ability to cooperate with each other, we may not have become the dominant species on this planet.

So, relationships are an important part of life, but many children struggle to make friends and fit in, and this can lead to a lot of challenges both in childhood and later in life.

And with the ever-increasing number of children who are developing issues such as autism, this is going to be a problem for more and more of them.

Finally, remember that while you can develop a form of relationship online (e.g. via social media), these are typically not the same as face-to-face, in-person relationships.

Time Management

Use your time wisely, and you can accomplish anything.

Successful people are very aware that they only have the same 24 hours per day that we all have. The difference is that they have learned how to use that time to their best advantage, being more productive.

So, teach your child how to plan part of his day and how to use that time wisely, because procrastination is a success killer.

Self-Care

You can’t be successful if you don’t take care of yourself adequately. As they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Your children need to know that they have both a right and a responsibility to make their own needs a priority if they’re going to be successful.

We’re often taught to put everyone else before ourselves, but if you look at successful people, most of them don’t operate this way.

Note, though, that this is not the same thing as being greedy or acting like a jerk.

Conclusion

Your child shouldn’t have to figure out everything on their own, and one of your many roles as a parent is to teach them the ropes, preparing them for a life when you are not there 24 x 7 to show them the way.

Success is a skill (or perhaps, more accurately, a set of interconnected skills) that anybody can learn, so why wouldn’t you want to teach your children to be successful?

And if you don’t have the skills listed above yourself yet, then isn’t this a great opportunity for you as well to become a better, more rounded person?

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Giving Your Children Control
2. StrengthsFinder Book