Encouraging Independent Play

Do you have trouble working at home because your kids cling to you?

Do you find it impossible to enjoy your own hobbies, such as reading or crafting?

Do they complain that they’re bored when you try to limit their TV or screen time?

Teaching your children to entertain themselves could be the solution.

Sure, you’ll enjoy more peace and productivity – but the bigger win is that your kids will develop important life skills while they have fun playing on their own.

This kind of transformation will require some practice, so here are some tips on how to encourage independent play.

Benefits Of Independent Play

1. Be flexible. While children find routine and structure useful
   (see below), there will be times when you’ll need to adapt and be flexible. Most children go through stages when they need more attention and comfort temporarily, which often happens during stressful events or major changes like a new baby or going back to school in the fall.
2. Build confidence. Let your child tackle manageable challenges and try to overcome obstacles on their own. With each new accomplishment, they’ll learn to believe in themselves and their abilities, resulting in improved self-confidence.
3. Inspire creativity. Imaginative play is fundamental to your child’s development because it will help them to collaborate with others, solve problems, and tolerate uncertainty. You can read about other benefits of creativity here.
4. Reduce stress. Your child needs quiet time too – even though they may not know or like it. Independent play gives your child a chance to tap into their inner resources while you take care of other responsibilities.
5. Support learning. TV can be educational, but active learning has its advantages too – children tend to pay attention for longer, retain more information, and strengthen their cognitive skills.

Encouraging Independent Play

1. Avoid overstimulation. Children can feel overwhelmed if they have too many toys to choose from. Rotate the collection to keep things interesting. For example, you could see what happens when they take a break from electronic toys to make up their own uses for cardboard boxes.
2. Create daily routines. Children thrive on consistency and structure, so make independent play a part of your daily activities. They’ll get used to managing on their own when you’re attending video conference calls or doing the laundry.
3. Design a safe space. Create a childproof play area where kids can explore freely, otherwise, you might cramp their style.
4. Make a list. Sometimes (but see below for a different perspective), your child might appreciate some ideas, so you can brainstorm things they can do on their own like playing cards and jumping rope. (See the next section for a few ideas of play activities they can do by themselves.)
5. Maximize quality time. It may also help to pay extra attention to your child before you leave them on their own. For example, you could read a bedtime story together and then give them the book to look through by themselves before they fall asleep.
6. Minimize directions. Let your child take the lead instead of telling them how to play. Maybe they want to treat their dolls to backyard barbecues instead of tea parties.
7. Offer rewards. Give your child credit for making an effort. Praise them for playing on their own. Share a special activity together after they’ve been amusing themselves for a while.
8. Progress gradually. Introduce solo play a little at a time. Depending on their age and personality, your child might start with 10-minute sessions and work their way up from there.
9. Provide appropriate toys. To avoid frustration, pick games and toys that are suited to your child’s age and abilities. And remember that it’s okay for them to be a little challenging.
10. Remain accessible. Your child will probably be more cooperative if you stay close by. Check in on them frequently, or let them know when you’re available for interruptions.
11. Schedule playdates. Socializing with other kids instead of parents can also count as independent play, so elp your child to make friends and play well with others.

Independent Play Ideas

Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Art. Provided they have somewhere safe to do this (e.g. they cannot damage your house by repainting the walls), then letting them draw or paint something can keep them occupied for a good while. Another good option here is a colouring book.
2. Board Games. If you have more than one child, you could let them play suitable board games that do not require your participation. Make sure they understand the rules of the game, because this will help minimize the chance of disagreements or even fights.
3. Exercise. Provided you are careful, having your kids work off some energy by themselves can give you a few moments of peace. You obviously need to choose an activity they can do unsupervised and that is safe, but within those constraints, there are plenty of options to choose from (e.g. skipping ropes).
4. Jigsaw Puzzles. These are suitable for almost all ages, with puzzles being available with very few pieces to 1,000 pieces or more. Just be sure you choose a puzzle that is appropriate to your child’s age and that, for larger puzzles, which may take more than one session to finish, you allocate somewhere that the puzzle can remain until it is completed.
5. Juggling. This is a fun activity that I learned decades ago. The basics are simple to pick up – after that it’s simply a matter of practice (lots of it). While you may think of juggling balls, they do have potential disadvantages (e.g. they can bounce anywhere and break things). However, there are other options, such as bean bags (which don’t bounce). I once went to a juggling convention and was amazed how many young children were there – who were much better than I was, so don’t think this can’t be suitable for young children. Again, make sure both they and your property are safe with this activity.
6. Meditation. As with jigsaw puzzles, this is not necessarily play time, but there are plenty of benefits of meditation (which they may not appreciate immediately), but in terms of helping them become used to peace and quiet, and being by themselves, it can pay dividends. You could also consider having family meditation some of the time, so they can see you practise what you preach.
7. Models. Building models – model airplanes were the in-thing when I was young – is another way to keep them busy. For younger children, there is, of course, Lego, while for older children, there are the more advanced Lego sets, or the sort of model planes and ships I recall from my youth.
8. Patience. Depending on your child’s age, playing one of the many patience-type games with playing cards can pass time. The rules for these games tend to be simple, meaning you shouldn’t have too many interruptions. And while this game is available on almost every computer and phone, I would recommend using actual cards, since this helps limit their screen time and it can develop their coordination skills.
9. Puzzles. Over and above jigsaws (see above), there are tons of other puzzles your children can use to play by themselves. Some of these are physical (e.g. things you have to take apart and then put back together) while some are more mental (e.g. Sudoku, crosswords, word search). The puzzle needs to be challenging, depending on their age and ability – but not so difficult that they become frustrated.
10. Reading. While not necessarily a play activity, quiet time spent reading offers all sorts of benefits, as you can discover here.

Conclusion

You can balance spending time with your kids and giving them room to rely on themselves.

Independent play makes parenting easier and more effective – you gain more time for yourself (which we all need), and your children learn how to become happy and resilient adults.

When I was young, my mother taught me to read, and read to me a lot, and played board games with me frequently (even though she probably didn’t know what she was doing), and many of my early books, toys, games, and puzzles were all educational in nature.

I can’t say for certain whether all of this sparked my lifelong passion for reading and for discovering new information (I still feel that I’ve wasted my day if I’ve not learned something new), but it seems likely.

And I think it’s because of this that I have never minded my own company – I can always find something to do, even if it’s only thinking.

One final point – trying to force your children to undertake activities you enjoyed may backfire on you, as it did with my father, which you can read about here.