14 Common Potty-Training Mistakes

There comes a time in every parent’s life when they have to start teaching their infant how to use a potty – before they graduate to a regular toilet.

And, as most parents soon discover, each child is different – which means that, when it comes to potty training (or toilet learning, as some prefer to call it), what works for one child might not work for the next.

At one level, there is no right or wrong way to do this – whatever works for your child is right, for them at least.

Having said that, there are a few common mistakes that parents make, and that’s what this article is all about.

Starting Too Soon

As with many aspects of a young child’s development, people are all too keen to publish “milestones” – ages by which children typically acquire certain skills, such as walking and talking, and, of course, using a potty.

The problem is, people see the word “milestone” and then start freaking out if their child hasn’t hit it.

The truth is, these milestones are simply averages, but because children are different, in terms of genetics, personalities, environments, some children will develop some skills earlier than others.

The net result of this is that some parents may try to potty train their child before they are ready, and that can have serious consequences.

For example, one study concluded that “children toilet trained before age two have triple the risk of developing daytime wetting problems compared to children trained later. What’s more, the children trained as toddlers had triple the risk of constipation. In fact, virtually all of the study subjects who had wetting problems also were constipated.“

And holding in either urine or poop can lead to an increase in urinary tract infections (UTIs) – a problem that is now affecting one in twelve girls by the time they are seven.

Putting too much pressure on yourself and your child can also cause them stress, which can further delay their use of a potty.

One final point – as a general rule (i.e. there are exceptions), boys typically start potty training later than girls.

Starting Too Late

Since life is never simple, another mistake is training your child too late.

Yes, that seems unfair, but waiting too long to start potty training can increase the length of time it takes for your child to learn.

Use Of Disposable Nappies

When I was a child, disposable nappies (or diapers, as they’re also called) were around, but their use, especially in the UK, was still limited, so I apparently wore old-school cloth / terry nappies.

I don’t remember this, of course, although I do have vague recollections of my potty.

And I get why people like the disposable ones so much – cloth ones need cleaning and washing, which is obviously a nasty and time-consuming job.

But there is a downside when it comes to potty training – children who wear disposable nappies don’t always recognize when they are wet or otherwise soiled.

With a cloth nappy, it is easy to tell (or so I’m told), both for the parent and the child.

A disposable one, however, is specifically designed to absorb all the waste while keeping the baby dry, but that means, of course, that they don’t always know they’ve just been.

And recognizing you’ve just urinated, for example, is one step towards the next one, of knowing that you need to go.

Does this mean I’m saying that parents should no longer use disposable nappies?

Well, environmental considerations aside (it’s estimated that over four million of these diapers are disposed of per year in the USA alone, constituting about 2% of all municipal waste), not necessarily – I’m only suggesting that this may be a factor in your decision.

Disciplining

By this, I include telling them off for having accidents, or shaming them for getting messy.

Remember, this is a learning process – something you want them to become familiar and happy with, so making them feel bad about it is going to discourage them from wanting to use the potty.

In a similar vein, try to remain calm – if you badger them or argue with them about it or plead with them, they’ll likely resist your attempts and may even treat it as a game.

Losing Track Of Time

I get that being a parent is a full-time job – you have so much to do and so little time in which to do it – but you do need to keep on top of your child’s potty schedule.

This is where a kitchen timer can come in really handy – young children often need to urinate within 20 minutes of drinking fluids, for example.

Remember too that predictability is good for children who are learning, so keeping to a schedule can be helpful.

Bare Bottom Training

By this, I mean having your child not wear any pants or trousers during potty training.

On the plus side, this can reduce accidents at first because they can get to their potty faster and with more ease, but experience has shown that when you later introduce pants and trousers, the accidents start up again.

Pull-Up Training Pants

Some parents like to use this type of training pants, but the problem here is that children may see these as a nappy, and this can, once again, delay their training.

Also, if you switch between training pants and regular pants / trousers, they may become confused.

It seems better, in general, to go straight from nappies to pants.

My late wife used this strategy with dogs. Some people like to start house-training their pets using newspaper and cages, but her view was that you simply end up having to train your dog twice – once in the cage, and then again by going outside, so why not start with the going outside stage.

Treating Urine And Poo The Same

In most cases, children find it easier to start urinating in a potty than defecating.

Trying to force your child to poop in their potty before they are ready, because many children can find that uncomfortable, can result in constipation, so you might want to continue using a nappy for poo for a while longer.

Treating Daytime And Nighttime The Same

It’s one thing to have your child learn to use the potty during the day – they’re awake, and so are you.

But asking them to go all night, when they’re sleeping by themselves, is a different matter.

It’s therefore often advised that you shouldn’t start their nighttime training until you consistently see a pattern of dry nappies in the morning, which is often as much as six months after they complete their daytime training.

Negative Talk

While some would disagree, it’s generally preferred to use positive language rather than negative language when it comes to bathroom activities.

I’ve long found it weird how, in the west at least, anything to do with natural bodily functions is considered dirty and distasteful and even taboo, and I include in this not only toilet-related activities but also nudity and sex.

Going to the toilet is something we all have to do, and while you might not want to discuss it over dinner, it’s certainly nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

So, don’t use words such as “dirty” or “smelly” – positive words and positive reinforcement usually work far better.

And lastly, here, remember that this extends to facial expressions too, so no looks of disgust, etc. which may cause your child to think they’re doing something wrong.

Over-Using Rewards

Following on from the previous point, in most cases, verbal praise is enough to let your child know that they have done a good job – treats and rewards are not usually necessary, and may cause you issues later on if they continue to expect them every time they go to the bathroom.

Lack Of Preparation

As with most things, which you probably already know if you’re a parent, being prepared is key.

Other than the obvious supply of wet wipes, etc., you might want to consider, for example, crib mattress protectors, a potty chair, wet/dry bags, and, if you have boys, toilet targets.

Impatience

I know this is easier said than done, but there are many aspects of caring for young children (well, children of any age, in fact) that will drive you up the wall – and potty training is just one more of those.

Whatever might happen probably will – and things you never even assumed were possible. As one person put it, you’ll find yourself cleaning parts of the toilet you didn’t even know existed.

You can expect accidents (when you least expect them), waste ending up anywhere but in the potty, not to mention finding your child trying to play with or even eat their poop. (I’m told I once ate some when I was young, which is something, fortunately, I have no recollection of.)

So, be patient and understanding, and try to deal with whatever the situation might be without losing your temper or scolding your child.

Being Too Rigid

While it’s good to get advice, to at least get you started, there really is no substitute for knowing your child as well as you can, because guides written by other people were not written with your child in mind.

They may provide good overall advice, of course, but as I said earlier, each child is different and may need a unique or custom approach.

So be flexible and don’t have unrealistic expectations – the goal here is to get your child through this transition without causing physical or emotional issues.

Conclusion

Reading the above, it makes you wonder whether any parent actually gets it all right. 🙂

And the truth is, they probably don’t, and, equally importantly, it probably doesn’t matter that much.

It’s really a case of being patient, being prepared, and being supportive / positive.

As a final thought, some parents swear by one of the 3-day potty training methods, while others say it didn’t work for them – which all goes to reiterate that each child is different.

While as a parent, you might want to get this process over with as quickly as possible, you need to weigh up whether that’s the best approach for your child.

So, I hope it all goes as well as can be expected for you! 🙂

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Crib Mattress Protectors
2. Potty Chair
3. Potty Training In 3 Days
4. Toilet Targets
5. Wet/Dry Bags