10 Secrets Of Stress-Free Parenting

Nothing quite prepares you for being a parent for the first time, so it’s hardly surprising that you’ll encounter all sorts of situations that leave you feeling anxious and stressed out.

It’s natural, and every parent experiences it, which on the plus side means you’re not alone, although on the negative side, you still need to find ways to manage it without completely losing your mind.

And of course, if you’re a single parent, then it’s doubly hard – but plenty of single parents do cope and do a great job of raising their kids.

The trick is to have a bag of tools that will allow you to keep calm in those tense moments.

So, here are ten strategies, in no particular order, you can employ when the going gets tough.

Borrow Your Kids’ Toys

There is something very therapeutic about playing with Play-Doh (or plasticene as it was called when I was young) – which is maybe why kneading bread dough can be so relaxing too -, or building something using Lego bricks (or any other similar toy).

So grab something from your children’s toy box and enjoy yourself for a few minutes, while you calm down.

And if your kids don’t have any suitable toys – buy some for yourself! (I knew a man who had two young daughters, and he bought a train set, not for his daughter but for himself.)

Call For A Time-Out

I don’t mean sending your kids to the “sin bin” – but tell them you need a few minutes (15 or so) to yourself in peace and quiet.

Let them read, or watch TV, or play games, or anything as long as they are quiet, while you relax a bit. (This would also be a great time to do some breathing exercises.)

I once had some neighbours who had two children, who were under ten when I first met them, and they had this system whereby Saturday nights was like an in-house date night for the parents. The children went up to their rooms at about 8:00 pm, and they were basically allowed to do whatever they wanted (including going to bed when they wanted), provided they were quiet and did not disturb their parents downstairs (unless there was an emergency, of course).

This is, of course, an exaggerated form of a time-out, but it worked really well for them, and the two children grew up to be respectful and well-behaved. I’m not saying the Saturday night policy was solely responsible, because it was all part of the way they brought their children up – but I do think it was a great idea.

Don’t Forget About Natural Stress Relievers

Many parents resort to coffee to keep them going, and while it’s an excellent stimulant, there are downside to consuming it, the main one being that the caffeine can induce symptoms that are similar to anxiety, such as a racing heart.

So, if you need a refreshing drink, why not try something soothing such as chamomile tea, which is a well-known relaxant?

You could also use an aromatherapy diffuser – the aroma of lavender, say, around your home will not only be very pleasing, but it will also have a relaxing and calming effect, not only on you, but also, if you’re lucky, on your kids.

(We have a whole report on natural foods that can reduce anxiety.)

Don’t Try To Take On Too Much

Yes, I know this is a lot easier said than done, but the more you try to do, the more you’ll feel stressed out.

The two most important things are your kids, and your relationship with them.

That means focus on them, and postpone anything else that is not strictly necessary, such as cleaning up, And if you’re short of time, you can always make a nutritious meal that doesn’t have to take you hours.

Your children will appreciate the time you spend with them far more than having a well-vacuumed carpet.

Remember, one of the biggest complaints children have, even once they grow up, is that one or both parents didn’t spend enough time with them.

Exercise

As we’ve discussed elsewhere, any level of exercise is good – the human body was designed to move around a lot, and not spend all day sitting in a chair.

But when you have children, time is obviously a major factor, so short bursts a few times a week may be all you can fit it – which is fine.

Ideally, a 20-minute sweat-inducing workout is what you should be aiming for – it will reduce your cortisol (aka the “stress hormone”) levels.

It’s unlikely you’ll be able to go for a jog if your kids are at home, but there’s no reason why you can’t put on some music and have a dance, and why not encourage your children to join in too (assuming they’re old enough)?

Focus On The Big Issues

As you’ve no doubt already found, children find a never-ending stream of things they can do to wind you up.

Most of these are intended to do that – they just do – but are, instead, just a part of developing and working out how the world works.

So, don’t let minor mishaps, such as a spilled drink or a broken ornament, send you over the top.

Reserve your strongest admonitions for those situations that can teach life lessons (e.g. if you see them being cruel to animals).

Get Some Sleep

Being tired is just part and parcel of being a parent, I get that.

So that means you need to grab sleep whenever you can, because chronic sleep deprivation is a serious issue these days, and there is an adverse impact on your health if you don’t get enough of it.

What can you do?

Well, you can try to learn how to take the so-called “power naps”, and you can even go to bed when your kids do – not necessarily every day, of course, but even once or twice a week will be better than nothing.

Here’s another strategy from my own experience.

When I was young, my parents had this system where Saturday was my mum’s turn for a lie-in, so my dad and I got up and usually went out (to minimize any noise in the house so as not to wake mum), either to the park for a walk, or into town, for example, And then, on Sundays, it was my dad’s turn to have a lie-in, while my mum and I would sit downstairs and play board games, or I’d help her in the kitchen, or, when I was still very young, she would read to me.

Gratitude

It may be hard to do in the heat of the moment, when your kids are driving you crazy, but try to remember that feeling you had when you first held them in your arms – total, unconditional love.

Be grateful that they’re healthy, have a roof over their heads, are well fed, and have the love and support of you (and your partner if you’re not alone).

And maybe think back to when you were young, because I’m betting there were times when you were the reason your mom or dad felt anxious and stressed out.

In the bigger picture, whatever’s upset you now is likely to be insignificant, so be thankful you have the opportunity to protect your children and prepare them for life.

Take A Deep Breath

We cover in this at least one of our other reports, but focusing on slow, deep breaths when you’re anxious is a proven way to calm yourself down again.

It forces to you slow down, and the deep breaths increase your oxygen intake, which reduces the stress hormones that are coursing through your body.

Talk To Somebody

Let’s face it – parenting is one of the hardest jobs there is.

So, there’s no shame in admitting you’re having trouble and need some moral support, so talk to a friend (there’s a good chance you know other moms and dads anyway who probably experience the same issues as you do), a family member, a colleague at work if that’s appropriate, and if you get really desperate, seek out professional help if you can.

Often, just the act of talking to somebody else about what’s upsetting you is enough to make you feel better – it gets the issue off your chest, and you can get the reassurance that everything is fine from somebody less involved in the situation.

And the ultimate version of this is to hand off your kids to their grandparents, if this is practical. It needn’t be for an entire day – even an hour can be plenty of time to calm down, or even get some jobs done around the home.

Bonus Tip

There’s one more idea that you might find helpful, and that’s journalling, which I cover in a separate article.

I know you may find time is too short, but putting down on paper (either physical or virtual) what happened, and what you did to deal with it, can pay dividends. For example, it will force you think about precisely what it was that triggered your anxiety, and then what you could do differently to prevent it from recurring.

Anyway, check out the report, and even if you only get ten minutes to yourself in the bathroom now and again to write a short journal entry on your phone, it’s worth trying.

Free Gift

Here is a free brainwave entrainment audio file that can help you to get to sleep. Just click on the following link and download it to your computer (or phone):

SweetDreams.mp3

Conclusion

If you bring up your children with a partner, I also believe it’s important to discuss both the problems you face and the tricks you use to deal with them – that way, both of you get to understand each other’s triggers, and you can share ideas on what works and what doesn’t work.

This also has the benefit of helping the two of you present a united front, because we all know that children will play one parent off against the other whenever they can.

Parenting can be a largely thankless task (not that people have children because they want to be thanked 24 hours a day, of course), but there are ways of coping with all the stresses and strains that are practically inevitable, and I hope the above ten strategies are of use to you.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Aromatherapy Diffusers & Oils
2. Lego
3. Play-Doh