Tips For Attracting And Influencing Other People

Introduction

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” (Maya Angelou)

We’re social creatures with the innate desire to be with others, and this has been true for over 10,000 years.

There was a time when surviving on your own was impossible. The old saying “It takes a village to raise a child” can be taken a step further, because itt once took a “village” to keep a person alive.

This need to connect with others is still alive and kicking in all of us.

Given that we’re hardwired to make friends, you would think that we’d naturally be good at this. (You could, of course, argue that making friends is not the same as having to work together and trust each other, which is likely what we are really hardwired to do.)

Interestingly, this isn’t the case – one of the most common complaints of people, regardless of age, is that of feeling socially isolated and alone.

While the Internet and social media can make it easier to have contact with others, the interaction is often shallow and lacking in substance.

It’s never been easier to casually chat with somebody on the other side of the world, but it’s never been more challenging to have a meaningful friendship or romantic relationship.

Interacting with others can be a challenging experience. It often creates a lot of fear, and that fear can take the form of the fear of embarrassment, rejection, and just general anxiety that’s hard to pinpoint.

If your current social situation is less desirable than you’d prefer, this report will provide you with a new perspective on how to get others to want to be around you and keep them there.

You’ll be able to interact confidently and successfully with people at work, strangers, friends, and family.

There are only three things required of you:

1. Understand the material and techniques at a high level. There’s not a lot to learn, but you must truly understand it, so try to avoid just skimming the information.
2. Use the techniques. Learning new social skills (well, most skills, in fact) is like reading a book on tennis – you might know more about tennis after reading a book, but your game won’t improve without actually using the information.
3. Practise. The more you practise something, the better you’ll perform, and over time, it all becomes second nature.

Getting others to like you isn’t as hard as you might think, and the science is quite clear on the matter.

Some people naturally do and say the right things to be likable, while others don’t.

However, it’s not that difficult to incorporate the most effective friend-attracting techniques into your day-to-day life.

You may actually be surprised by how simple these techniques are, and how easy they are to use. Their effectiveness will astound you.

When people like you, it’s easy to influence them. But when they don’t like you, it’s next to impossible to influence them – unless you have a pretty big stick at your disposal.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.“ (Marcel Proust)

Here is a brief synopsis of what you’re learn in this report:

1. The Signals You Send. We’re all constantly sending and receiving signals, so the key is to learn what to do and what to look for, and, just as importantly, learn what not to do.
2. The #1 Rule to Make People Like You. There’s only one thing others really care about when it comes to liking or disliking you, so when you understand and apply this rule, you’ll become a powerful person.
3. What We Find Attractive in Others. What traits and qualities do people find attractive? Many of the things you need to be attractive to others are well within your control.
4. Common Conversation Errors. You’ve ruined more conversations and potential friendships than you realize. Learn how to put an end to that.
5. How to Forge Stronger Connections Online. The Internet is arguably the most amazing thing to come along since the wheel – but are you using it to your full advantage? Learn how to use the online world to boost your social life.
6. Additional Tips for Influencing Others. A few extra tips and tricks can come in handy.
7. An Action Plan. Put it all to good use starting right now. You’ll have a simple and effective plan to begin attracting and influencing others right now.

Let’s get started!

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” (Khalil Gibran)

The Signals You Send

You’re sending signals to everybody in your environment, even if you don’t realize it.

And you’re also scanning your environment for signals from others.

While there is a lot you can gather from looking at somebody, your brain’s primary objective is safety – it’s attempting to determine if the people around you are potential friends or enemies.

Suppose you needed directions. There are certain people you feel comfortable asking, and others that you certainly do not.

This is a conscious decision that is based on the signals you receive from that person.

Some people send out signals for friendship. Others send out the signals of a potential enemy.

“I have learned that friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest, it’s about who came and never left your side.” (Yolanda Hadid)

Friendly Signals

Before you speak with somebody, you’re both assessing non-verbal communication signals.

The majority of the time, others see you long before they hear you – and since they’re looking at you, it only makes sense to send effective signals to create interest and friendship.

Have you ever noticed that some people are much more noticeable than others? Some are readily noticed in a positive way, while others are noticed in a negative way.

Then there’s everybody else. Most people tend to blend into the background and fail to send either friendship or enemy signals. These people are very neutral in the signals they send – which means they aren’t seen as a potential friend or threat.

If you’ve ever felt invisible, this is the reason why. You actually are “invisible” to the brain of everybody around you.

Once a person’s brain classifies you as “neutral”, you’re quickly forgotten, because that brain has other concerns to deal with.

You’re viewed as unlikely to provide anything positive or negative. You’re the equivalent of a tree to a person that doesn’t need any shade at the moment.

Here are a few ways you can send friendship signals to those that interest you:

1. A genuine smile. Not that fake thing you throw around most of the time. It’s easy for people to spot a fake smile unless you’re Robert De Niro or Meryl Streep.
• Smiling people are viewed as happier, more confident, and more likable.
• This can be a good way to judge how others feel about you. We tend to smile at those we like and fail to smile and those we dislike.
• Faking a smile is extremely difficult without practice. The easiest way to tell the difference between a fake and a real smile is in the corners of the mouth and cheeks. In a real smile (also known as a Duchenne smile), the corners of the mouth are upturned, and the cheeks raise.
• Also, look for some wrinkling around the corners of the eyes during a real smile.
• Practise your smile in the mirror and see how real you can make it look.
2. Raising and lowering your eyebrows. This is a very quick movement – it’s really just a flash, only takes a fraction of a second, and the eyebrows only move minimally. You’ve probably never consciously noticed it in others – but you will now.

   Consider if you were angry or aggressive. Would you raise your eyebrows? Imagine yourself feeling angry and stomping through the grocery store. Your eyebrows would be down and would stay that way.

3. Tilt your head. Left or right, it’s entirely up to you. It’s believed we do this to expose our carotid arteries (those are the arteries in your neck that carry blood to the brain) to show we’re not a threat.
   • This doesn’t mean that you walk around with your head laying over to one side. What it does mean is you should tilt your head a little bit while interacting with others that you’d like to get to know better.
   • Studies have shown that people are rated as more attractive, trustworthy, and kind when they tilt their head during conversation. You can see this behaviour in many animals, too – watch the dogs in your neighbourhood, for example.
   • Again, imagine you’re in a hostile mood. What do you do? You keep your chin tucked down, which also protects your neck.
   • A lowered head, lowered eyebrows, and the lack of a smile send the very clear signal that you’re not a friend.
4. Eye contact. Eye contact can be tricky – too short and it doesn’t communicate your intentions effectively, but too long and your target will view you as a potential enemy.
   • Eye contact should be long enough to be obvious, but not longer than a second.
   • Be sure to smile when breaking eye contact (and remember that it needs to be a genuine smile).
   • Eye contact can be longer with somebody you already know but would like to get to know better.
5. Touching. A small amount of touch can go a long way – but use it sparingly. At the end of an interaction, touch the other person briefly on the arm or shoulder and watch for their non-verbal response.
   • Any negative non-verbal signal is telling you that they aren’t ready for the relationship to proceed further.
   • Touching is one of the most powerful ways to build trust and intimacy with another person.
   • Be aware that some people (e.g. many of those who have autism) simply do not like to be touched – not even by people they like.
6. Mirroring. Mirroring is exactly what it sounds like – you essentially mirror the body language and mannerisms of the other person.
   • If the other person tilts their head, you tilt yours.
   • If the other person has their arms crossed, you cross yours.
   • If the other person is slouching, you slouch, too.
   • Avoid making your intentions too obvious. If you look like you’re mimicking the other person too closely in real time, it will be viewed as odd or awkward – and insincere.
   • Notice this behaviour in others in social settings. Notice who is mirroring and who is not. While we naturally mirror others when rapport is high, it works the other way round too – you can create rapport through mirroring.
   • Once you’ve been mirroring somebody for a short time, you can lead them. For example, try changing your body position and watch them follow you.
7. Lean in. When two people like each other, they lean in toward each other. You can see this everywhere you go in everyday life, so look out for it.
   • Also, notice when two people clearly don’t like each other – they lean away from each other.
   • People that like each other also point their torsos toward each other. If they’re standing, they’ll also point their feet at each other. The next time there’s a group of people standing and talking, look at where everybody’s torso and feet are pointing.
   • If you want to send a positive message to somebody, face them with your body.
8. Use more gesturing. When two strangers meet, their gestures are minimal. Use more gestures when dealing with those people with whom you’d like to build a stronger relationship. These can include:
   • Head nodding
   • Obvious hand gestures
   • Smiling
   • Stronger eye contact
   • Also, be sure to minimize any non-verbal signals that might be viewed as unfriendly.
9. Use head nodding to your advantage. Head nodding is a powerful tool that can be used to show that you’re listening and would like the other person to continue talking. But be careful! Head nodding can also send a negative signal if you do it incorrectly.
   • Rapid head nodding can send the signal that you’re disinterested or want the other person to finish talking so you can talk.
   • A slow, single head nod tends to disrupt the conversation. It sends the signal that you’re not sure you believe what you’re hearing.
   • Notice when others nod their heads and how they do it. What signal are they sending?
10. Give your full attention. We’ve all been talking to somebody that isn’t paying attention to us. They might be looking at their phone or looking around the room.
    • Listen intently to the other person.
    • Avoid answering your phone during a conversation. If you want to score big points, take your phone out, send the call to voicemail and put your phone away, and then put your attention firmly back on the other person.
11. Whisper. You know that you’ve made great progress in a relationship when you can whisper something to that person without it feeling weird to either of you. Use whispering to build your budding friendships.
12. Give verbal encouragement. These are those simple fillers that show support and encourage others to continue. These include statements like:
    • “Go on”
    • “I see”
    • “Mmm hmm”
    • “Of course”
    • “True”
    • “Yes”

Be on the look-out for these signals in your everyday life. You could even take a trip to the mall or a store and just watch people. Look for these signals, notice which people seem friendly and which do not, and try to determine why you come to those conclusions. What are the differences?

“If you want to influence people, you want them to accept your suggestions, you don’t say, ‘You don’t know how to use the English language.’ It will be welcomed much more if you have a gentle touch than if you are aggressive.” (Ruth Bader Ginsburg)

Non-Friendly Signals

Just as there are signals that demonstrate an openness to contact and communication, there are also signals that scream, “Stay away from me!”

You’re picking up on these signals all the time from others that you see in your day-to-day life.

However, you might be surprised at how often you’re sending these signals – even if you don’t mean to.

Understanding these signals can be very useful:

• You’ll know when not to waste your time approaching somebody.
• You’ll understand when your message isn’t being received positively.
• You’ll be able to avoid sending these signals inadvertently.

As a bonus, you’ll also learn how to keep others away when you don’t want to be bothered.

So, be aware of these non-friendly signals in yourself and others:

1. Obvious facial tension. When others are hostile toward you, they clench their jaws, furrow their eyebrows, and just have a look of facial tension. This is a good sign that you’re not welcome in their space.
2. Rolling of the eyes. You’ve rolled your eyes at something somebody has said. You’ve also been on the receiving end of the same gesture. You should use this as a clue that people aren’t responding positively to what you’re saying.

   Also watch yourself. Rolling the eyes is automatic behaviour that you might want to check, depending on the situation.

3. Invading somebody else’s personal space. Try standing too close to somebody else and see what happens. You can stand closer to a friend than to a stranger, and you can stand closer to somebody in certain countries than in others, or even within different states. Watch for people’s reactions as you move closer to them.
4. Any other obvious signals. There are many other signs of negativity, but we’re so skilled at noticing them in others that they hardly require mention. Just ensure you’re not doing any of these if you want to make more friends and influence more people:
   • Aggressive stance
   • Impolite gestures
   • Scrunching the nose
   • Wearing clothing or accessories that send the wrong signals

The signals people send regarding their potential friend or enemy status are unconscious.

The good news is, you’re now aware of them, so you can send whatever signals you like, using them to your advantage.

Be on the look-out for signals from others you meet in your day-to-day life. It will be clear who is interested in being your friend or lover, and who is not.

“A true friend freely advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.” (William Penn)

The #1 Rule To Get Others To Like You

Why do we have a hard time not eating ice cream, pizza, chocolate, or potato chips if they’re available?

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