How To Find True Love – Lesson 3.5 – Can You Forgive And Forget?

Welcome to Lesson #19 of the How To Find True Love course!

In the last lesson, you examined ways to respond when things went wrong in your relationship. In this lesson, you’ll learn about forgiveness and releasing the pain of past hurts.

Clearing Confusion About Forgiveness

There are major misunderstandings about forgiveness – forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person.

A common comment about forgiveness is, “Why do I have to forgive them? They hurt me.” You forgive because forgiveness is letting go of the pain and resentment from an emotional wound.

Forgiveness does not mean you forget. You release the pain. The emotional charge disappears. When the charge is gone, the memory decreases. Have you had someone say, “Do you remember when…?” You hadn’t thought about it until reminded because there was no emotional charge.

The Two Sides Of Forgiveness

Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to forgiveness. To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question.

Consider these emotional and physiological effects of not forgiving:

1. Emotional effects. The emotional repercussions of holding onto the pain, anger and resentment of emotional wounds has been discussed for several thousand years.
   • The bitter and angry feelings can poison you emotionally. You begin to push people away because they don’t want to be with someone who is so angry.
   • Your anger towards one person can overflow to others. Because a man hurt you, you believe all men will hurt you. If a woman hurt you, you believe all women will hurt you.
   • Your anger and resentment can result in believing you can’t trust anyone.
   • You might also not trust yourself. You may wonder if you have the ability to choose partners or friends.
2. Physical effects. Your long-term physical health is also negatively affected by holding onto the pain of the past. Research in this area may be a fairly new field of research, but much has been discovered about the effects of the mind upon the body.
   • Anger, part of non-forgiveness, puts your body in a continual freeze, flight, or fight response. This means you are in a continual state of stress.
   • Your immune system is weakened. Your immune system is what fights off disease. People with a weakened immune system struggle more often with colds, flu, and other respiratory illnesses. Your immune system also fights off cancer.
   • Your digestive system doesn’t work as well. This results in poor digestion which prevents the absorption of nutrients. It also affects your ability to release waste materials.
   • Blood pressure can go up. This increases the possibility of heart issues and strokes.
   • Sexual response decreases. Lack of forgiveness can affect your desire for sex as well as men’s ability to perform.

The emotional and physiological effects of forgiving are the opposite of all the negative effects:

1. Stress is reduced dramatically. Your immune system becomes stronger, blood pressure and digestion normalize, and sexual response returns.
2. Joy returns. You’re more fun to be with, others are attracted to your happiness, and you feel lighter, more like you.

Being healthier and happier are excellent reasons to release the wounds of the past and move on with your life.

The question now is “How?”

Exercises To Assist In Letting Go, Also Known As Forgiveness

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