How To Find True Love – Lesson 3.4 – Confronting Hurt And Disappointment

Welcome to Lesson #18 of the How To Find True Love course!

Perhaps the physics needed to send a rocket into space is more complicated than relationships, but, at least, physics remains the same. Relationships can change in an instant due to the hidden emotional mindfield within everybody.

In the last few lessons, you’ve explored the differences between mistakes and patterns of behaviour, and your non-negotiables. These are all part of the mindfield.

How do you handle it when:

• You or your partner make a mistake.
• A pattern of behaviour you don’t want in your life shows up.
• One of your non-negotiables is breached.

How You Handle Hurt Determines Your Happiness

Imagine that you’re on your dream vacation with your partner. You couldn’t decide upon the beach or the mountains, so you did both. The weather was exquisite. You skied on the water and in the snow. You laughed, ate wonderful food, did everything you wanted, and experienced both emotional and physical intimacy. It was two weeks of absolute bliss.

And then…

Your partner made a joke about something that happened in the past and hurt your feelings – badly.

Let’s explore the situation.

The Before And After Of A Hurtful Experience

If you tell somebody about what happened, what would they say?

• How horrible. How could they do that to you?
• Why are you letting a five-second comment ruin your vacation?

If the comment was an isolated event, the second question is relevant. The answer is, “Because it triggered a painful event in your past.”

Relationship challenges rarely happen in isolation. How it affects you can be determined by your past and the impact of the event.

The background story makes a difference:

1. Personal history. Your personal history with such comments makes a difference in how you handle them.
   • If a parent said something similar which hurt or demeaned you, your partner’s comment can bring up those hurts. Instead of being an adult, you feel like a 12-year old kid and react like one.
   • When a past issue is triggered, it’s a personal issue and one you would benefit from exploring with a therapist. It’s time to stop childhood wounds from causing problems in your relationship.
2. Relationship history. The past history of your relationship can affect how you respond.
   • Was the comment humiliating or degrading?
   • Was it a comment related to something you asked them not to make?

The consequences have an impact:

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