How To Find True Love – Lesson 3.3 – What Are Your Non-Negotiables?

Welcome to Lesson #17 of the How To Find True Love course!

Now that you’ve thought about the difference in mistakes and patterns of behaviour, you might want to update your list of five qualities that you’re looking for in a partner.

That list might not give you the whole picture because you’re learning more about the type of person you want in your life. You would hope that your “must-haves” would exclude things you don’t want.

Non-negotiables are qualities you absolutely must have or must not have in your relationship, so let’s examine this in more detail.

Fear Of Appearing Shallow

Some people are afraid of putting “handsome” or “beautiful” on their list, but if having a great looking partner is important to you, put it on your list.

• If you think you’ll have regrets if somebody, no matter how wonderful they are in other areas, doesn’t look the way you want, put it on your list.
• This is your list, your relationship, and your life.

The same is true about wanting children. If you don’t want children, don’t let comments of friends, family, or rude people you don’t know put a guilt trip on you.

At the same time, know things can change.

For example, the drummer of a well-known heavy metal band had never planned on getting married. He didn’t think it was possible for a woman to put up with his travel schedule. He was also terrified of having children.

In his 40s all that changed. He now has a wife, a daughter he adores, and is a loving stepfather to three other kids. This was totally unexpected for him. He is happier than he ever thought possible with a woman who is fine with his travel schedule and kids he loves and who love him.

Will Non-Negotiables Before Marriage Remain After Marriage?

This is a question you won’t know the answer to until it happens. For example, what happens when somebody you’ve been with develops one of your non-negotiables?

Let’s say on your list is somebody who doesn’t drink alcohol. You’re sure they won’t drink because they grew up in a home where alcohol had destroyed the family. And they haven’t had anything to drink for ten years.

Then the unexpected happens – it could be a job loss, illness, or death of a loved one. They begin to drink or use drugs “just a little to take the edge off” to cope with the situation. You become aware that the alcohol or drugs are causing problems in your family. What was beautiful has become difficult.

How to Avoid A Future Non-Negotiable

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