How To Find True Love – Lesson 2.3 – Will You Communicate With Me?

Welcome to Lesson #10 of the How To Find True Love course!

In the last lesson you learned the importance of emotional and physical intimacy. You also learned the importance of telling your partner what is important to you.

In this lesson, you’ll learn more about communication strategies and the different ways people understand what is said to them.

Communication Is An Interaction Between Four Elements

Would you believe that up to 85% of communication may be nonverbal? That’s why there are tortuous misunderstandings with texts and emails – you don’t see or hear the nonverbal parts of the message.

(Note that the study being referenced here was specifically about how people perceive communications, and not the effectiveness of them, and it has been misinterpreted for years. However, in the context described here, perception is key.)

Complete communication consists of four common elements, and when any one element is missing, communicating what you truly mean is difficult.

Consider these four elements:

1. The words you use are crucial. When you respond without thinking, you won’t phrase things as carefully as when you are being thoughtful.
   • Use “I” statements as much as possible. “I felt frightened when you didn’t call when you were going to be late. Would you help put my mind at ease by sending a text or giving me a quick phone call?”
   • You want to communicate your feelings. Using the example above as a template, say “I felt ________ when _______________. Would you please (or would it be possible to) ___________?
   • You want to avoid, “You scared me to death when you were late. Don’t you care about me?”
   • Avoid using words such as “always” or “never”. Stick to what is happening now, even if it has happened 100 times in the past. When you say “never”, your partner will point out a time when they did do it.
2. Tone of voice can reveal your subconscious feelings. Some professions train themselves to keep emotion from their voice. How you say the same words can change the meaning completely.
   • Hearing the words “I love you” can be a wonderful experience. Imagine how you would receive the words if someone snarled at you when they said them, or used an angry tone of voice, or they were said matter-of-factly in the same way as “Have you seen my shoes?”
   • Tone of voice coupled with body language adds more meaning to the words. Consider your emotional response to the following utterances of “I love you.”
   • In one case they are saying the words while looking off in the distance at something and scowling. In the other situation they are looking deeply into your eyes, holding your hand while saying “I love you.”
3. Body language, as in looking off in the distance or looking in your eyes, gives you a more complete understanding of the words spoken. In many situations, you’ll know how someone is feeling by watching how they stand and position their body.
   • Other body language signals are the set of the jaw, smiling, scowling, or the position of the head and hands.
   • How would you interpret this: Your partner is standing in front of you with lips in a thin line and their hands clenched in a fist held stiffly by their sides? Or this: Your partner is in front of you with their face relaxed and mouth in a slight smile. Their arms extended towards you.
4. Your actions will communicate whether your words are true or not.
   • For example, if you tell somebody they’re important but don’t keep your commitments, they’ll doubt their importance.

Communication And Learning Styles

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