How To Find True Love – Lesson 2.2 – What’s Important – Physical Or Emotional Intimacy?

Welcome to Lesson #9 of the How To Find True Love course!

In the last lesson you learned about unwritten contracts or assumptions in relationships. You’ll now explore some gender differences between physical and emotional intimacy.

Let Me Begin With A Story.

Stacy attended a week-long high-powered and successful business meeting. She’d obtained three new contracts and was excited. As she was flying cross-country, she thought, “I can’t wait to get home. I want to tell Jeffrey everything that happened, hear how his week went, and then make sweet love to him.”

Jeffrey also had a good week. He obtained a contract with a high-end developer. Stacy would be home in just a few hours. He thought, “I can’t wait to make sweet love to Stacy, hear about her adventures, and tell her about mine.”

You may think they had a wonderful reunion. They wanted the same things, to share about their past week and to make love.

Instead of the celebration both wanted, their reunion had painful feelings of isolation. Let’s look at what went wrong.

Which Comes First – Physical Or Emotional Intimacy?

Stacy and Jeffrey’s story is about unwritten contracts and the difference between emotional and physical needs. Their story is a common one found in many couples and often in heterosexual couples.

After the relationship has moved from the intense physical attraction of the infatuation stage, different needs present themselves. Generally, men want to show intimacy on a physical level first. Women want to reconnect intimately on an emotional level.

Ultimately, they both wanted physical and emotional intimacy – but which came first was important to each of them.

Let’s look at both emotional and physical intimacy, how they are different, and how they support each other:

1. The characteristics of emotional intimacy
   • Intimacy = “into-me-you-see.” Emotional Intimacy is about self-revelation. The deeper your emotional intimacy, the more you share of your hopes, dreams, feelings and concerns.
   • Emotional intimacy assists you in coming to know yourself better. When you reveal the deepest parts of yourself to another, you are also revealing them to yourself. They can take on a vibrancy which assists you in deepening or even changing your own beliefs and feelings.
   • Emotional intimacy involves trusting your partner. You trust them to listen with acceptance and non-judgement. You share thoughts and feelings you don’t necessarily want others to hear. They are to be shared only with those you trust the most.
   • Mutual emotional intimacy, mutual self-revelation, and mutual honesty form an emotional bond that is difficult to break. You are not only partners, but you are also friends – you come to know each other in ways others never could.
2. The characteristics of physical intimacy

   

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