How To Deepen Intimacy In Your Relationship – Lesson 10 – 5 Exercises to Build Intimacy

Welcome to Lesson #10 and the last one of my “How to Deepen Intimacy In Your Relationship” course!

Building intimacy in your relationship requires training, too. Some of these exercises might feel tedious at first, but try to trust the process.

Use these activities to deepen the intimacy in your relationship and understand your partner in a way you haven’t before:

1. Do something new together. When you do something new together, you recreate that spark you felt at the beginning of your relationship. Shake up your routine and do something new and exciting.
   • Book a staycation.
   • Dance.
   • Exercise together.
   • Go on a hike somewhere new.
   • Go on a walk nearby and point out new things you notice.
   • Take a cooking class.
   • Pack a picnic.
2. Ask these questions. Sharing personal information between you and your partner can help build intimacy. Set aside a time where you and your partner can sit down and ask each other these questions to deepen your connection.
   • How do you think you have grown in the past five years?
   • How do you want to grow in the next five years?
   • What are three qualities you admire about yourself?
   • What do you need to feel happy and fulfilled?
   • What’s your fondest childhood memory?
   • What is something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t done yet? Why not?
   • Tell me about one of the happiest days of your life.
   • Tell me about what the perfect career looks like to you.
   • What is one of the most embarrassing moments of your life?
   • What traits do you value in a friend?
   • Which small romantic gestures would you like more of?
   • How is sexuality contributing to your intimacy and bringing you closer together?
3. Discover your partner’s love language. Gary Chapman identified five ways that people give and receive love. To deepen the closeness between you and your partner, learn each other’s love language. This way, you can learn how to communicate with your partner in his or her love language.
   • Words of Affirmation. Do you or your partner receive love through words? If so, the best way to communicate would be to acknowledge your partner using kind words, compliments, and words of appreciation.
   • Quality Time. With a love language of quality time, spending meaningful time together means the most to that person. The best way to communicate here would be to give your partner undivided attention, show you are listening, and do activities together.
   • Acts of Service. Partners whose love language is acts of service believe that actions speak louder than words. Communicate love via acts of service by picking up some of your partner’s chores when they are busy, making your partner breakfast, or giving your partner a massage.
   • Giving and Receiving Gifts. People with the love language of gifts receive love by giving and receiving meaningful gifts. Communicate this love language by paying attention to what your partner values and finding a gift that reflects those values.
   • Touch. When someone’s love language is touch, they receive love through physical actions like holding hands, cuddling, and kissing. Communicate this love language by touching your partner while they are speaking, greeting them with a hug, or inviting them to cuddle.
4. Check in weekly. Schedule a time to check-in with your partner. Be prepared to be open and honest! This means telling your partner how feedback makes you feel (for example, maybe you feel embarrassed when they share what’s missing from the relationship) instead of being defensive.
   • How are you doing, really?
   • What is missing from our relationship?
   • How can I support your growth?

No matter how long you and your partner have been together, these exercises will always help you reignite the flame.

Practise Intimacy In Your Daily Life

Small actions build up and compound over time.

Think about these small actions as a way to pay into your relationship’s “intimacy bank”:

1. Respond to your partner’s signals. Notice when your partner reaches out to you. This might show up in simple ways, like a smile or suggestion. Turn towards your partner for connection.
2. Show and tell your partner you appreciate them. To foster a culture of appreciation, tell your partner you appreciate them!
   • “Thank you for helping with the dishes.”
   • “It means a lot to me that you listen.”
   • “I appreciate how supportive you are.”
3. 3. Be affectionate to your partner based on their love language.
   • Compliment the way they look or say, “I love you.”
   • Give one another a massage.
   • Set aside quality time to do an activity together.
   • Surprise your partner with a thoughtful gift, like a flower you picked up on your way home from work.
   • Do some of their chores around the house.
4. Remember the small things. Building intimacy doesn’t always have to be time-consuming or complicated! Even the small things contribute to bringing you closer with your partner.
   • Ask your partner how their day was.
   • Be playful.
   • Do one act of kindness for your partner each day.

Although it might feel unnatural or tedious at first to integrate these things into your daily routine, the extra work you do each day will help bring you and your partner closer together.

Conclusion

Building intimacy with your partner can be the way to rekindle the fire you felt at the beginning of the relationship. The happiest couples are those who have intentionally built on all four levels of intimacy.

Intimacy is the most important way to nurture your relationship. At the end of the day, a happy relationship doesn’t come effortlessly or without work.

Set aside time to talk with your partner about the different levels of intimacy and what they mean to you. A healthy relationship will have all types of intimacy, but you can put extra effort into your partner’s favourite level of intimacy.

When you build a truly intimate relationship, you will grow and thrive together.

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