Healing From Your Break-Up – Lesson 3.4 – Tame The Pain

Welcome to Lesson #9 of the Healing From Your Break-Up course!

Now that you’ve learned ways to manage your thoughts, it’s time to gain control of your emotions. You took the first step in the last lesson, because thoughts produce emotions.

Most people are surprised when they learn they can change emotions. Sometimes it seems emotions “just appear”. They are actually triggered. You have the power and ability to tame those painful emotions. The skills you learned in the last lesson have prepared you for this lesson.

Feelings Are Important

Before you learn how to change feelings, it’s crucial to know that feelings aren’t bad. Feelings are a natural human response to what happens in life. They are a signal of what brings joy and where you are hurting.

For example, if you’re with friends and someone brings up getting married, you could recall fondly your own marriage, or you could feel sadness because you’re not married and would like to be.

What may be happy to one person may remind you of someone or something painful. Knowing how to work with your feelings when this happens is empowering. These feelings aren’t bad; they’re painful.

The Role Of Grief

Whenever you experience a loss, you move through the stages of grief. The loss could range from scuffing your new shoes to the horror of betrayal. The stages of grief are the same for both but more intense for the more painful and life-changing event.

When you scuff your shoes, you’ll go through the stages quickly and, probably, once. When you’ve been betrayed, you go back and forth through the various stages with changes in the type and intensity of feelings.

The more deeply you’ve been hurt, the longer it takes to navigate the stages of grief, so be patient with yourself as you use the tools below to navigate through the feelings.

Take Care Of Your Long-Term Health

When in the midst of the pain of grief, it’s difficult to think about the consequences of your feelings on your physical, mental, and emotional health.

It’s crucial for your long-term emotional and physical health to feel, work through, and release the feelings which come from grief. In cases of betrayal or the ending of a relationship, it takes time to navigate those feelings.

For your emotional, mental, and physical health, it’s important to release the anger, anxiety, and despair that can accompany loss. The sooner you’re able to do this, the more quickly you can move on to your new future.

Adapting What You’ve Learned To Release Destructive Feelings

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