Healing From Your Break-Up – Lesson 1.1 – Understanding What Happens Emotionally

Welcome to the “Healing From Your Break-Up” course!

Course Summary

Everyone has been hurt in relationships, and yet few people are able to let that pain go so they can move on with their lives without the past mudding their joy.

People have a tendency to get caught in their anger and pain after they’ve been hurt – there are mental, emotional, and physical reasons why it’s difficult to release this pain.

One area that can make it difficult to release the past is the misunderstanding of what forgiveness is: people often think forgiveness absolves the other person of anything that happened, but you’ll discover this is incorrect.

Strategies and exercises to release the past range from recognizing your personal power, nurturing yourself, changing your thoughts, and discovering how to manage your feelings.

In this course, you’ll learn strategies to overcome difficulties and move your relationship to a depth you never thought possible.

There are 10 lessons, and each lesson concludes with a required task that will help you build momentum from the very first lesson:

• Module 1 – Why It’s So Hard To Let Go Of The Pain
  • 1.1 – Understanding What Happens Emotionally
  • 1.2 – Understanding What Happens Physically
  • 1.3 – Understanding What Happens Mentally
• Module 2 – Understanding Forgiveness
  • 2.1 – What Forgiveness Is Not
  • 2.2 – What Forgiveness Is
• Module 3 – Strategies To Let The Pain Go
  • 3.1 – Recognize How Powerful You Are
  • 3.2 – Align Your Beliefs To Releasing Pain
  • 3.3 – Think Your Way To Freedom
  • 3.4 – Tame The Pain
  • 3.5 – Changing Behaviour

Note that the last lesson in each module also includes the Module Summary.

In order to get the most from this course, please take advantage of everything that’s provided for you.

In addition to the lessons with focused activities to help guide you to success, be sure to check the Additional Resources section for each lesson. You’ll find articles, affirmations, worksheets, and other handouts to help you in your journey, as well as other resources you can check out for more information.

While you could in theory dip into lessons as you see fit, you will gain far more benefit by following the lessons in order.

In this course, you’ll learn:

• Why forgiveness is crucial to your mental, emotional, and physical health.
• How childhood beliefs can interfere with releasing the past.
• You have the power within you to release the past.
• Forgiveness brings freedom.
• Strategies to assist you in forgiving and letting go.

Are There Any Prerequisites For This Course?

There are no prerequisites for this course. It’s open to anyone who desires to know more about how to release the pain of the past.

Your success in this course depends on your ability to put the information into action. The information is simple, but understanding the information is insufficient. You have to be willing to do the exercises and implement the strategies in your life.

What Are The Course Benefits?

• You’ll learn why releasing the past is difficult and what you can do to make it easier for yourself.
• You’ll learn the emotional, mental, and physical causes of your pain.
• You’ll discover misconceptions about forgiveness.
• You’ll receive specific strategies and exercises to assist you in letting go of your pain and moving forward toward the life you want.

Who Is This Course Intended For?

This course is geared toward those who are tired of hurting from broken relationships, betrayals, and loss, and are ready to take action to release that pain.

Now, Without Further Ado, Let’s Jump Into Module 1

There isn’t a person in the world who hasn’t been hurt by someone. Releasing the pain from these wounds is difficult for many, if not most.

In this module, you’ll learn how releasing the pain from the past is more complicated than just “getting over it”. There are emotional, physical, and mental reasons why letting go of the past is so difficult.

Ready To Start Lesson 1?

When you’ve been hurt by someone, there is more to the pain than “just” the one event. Emotions are a mish-mash of what has happened in the past, your pain in the present, your fears of the future, and your interpretation of what the event means about you.

Activating The Past

When you’ve experienced betrayal by somebody you love, it hurts deeply. It hurts so much that you wonder if you can make it past what happened.

And sometimes that pain is about more than that one event.

If someone betrayed you, the pain for all the times you were betrayed is awakened:

• You may not remember the events of the emotions triggered – but they are still adding to the hurt you experience now.
• When you were betrayed in past relationships, no matter how old you were, that pain is stored in your body.
• Your emotions don’t care about the actual event – but they recognize the pain. The pain of the past is awakened and rises up, adding to the hurt. It’s like the pain joins together in one big scream.

It’s difficult to release the past when it’s like a tangled chain and the pain of every betrayal you ever felt is attached to it.

The Loss Of Dreams

Every relationship, job, or activity you enter into has dreams attached to it. Some of these dreams are small, such as going to a party and having an enjoyable time., but relationship dreams are huge, and they often involve plans for the rest of your life.

When a relationship ends, everything you thought would happen in the future ends too:

• Your dreams of loving this one special person and being loved by them is gone.
• Your dream, your expectation, that you would care and support each other through the difficult times has dissolved.
• Your dreams of security, caring, excitement, and your idea of family have disappeared.

Your hurt is increased by the repercussions in other parts of your life.

Your financial situation may change, and your career be negatively affected. Additionally, you may lose friends and people you considered family if you’ve lost your partner.

Each additional consequence of the initial event complicates the feelings involved – and these additional hurts make it more difficult to release the past and move on.

No wonder letting go can be so difficult.

Loss Of Your Sense Of Self

It took time through the ups and downs of life to discover who you are. You may have felt comfortable with yourself and where life was doing and then “the big hurt” happened. Suddenly everything you thought you knew about yourself was shattered.

The ending of relationships is difficult – ugly words are said, and accusations thrown about.

If you were in an emotionally abusive relationship, you have to sort through what your partner said about you and what you believe to be true.

If you entered the relationship with a healthy self-esteem, you may feel embarrassed and even ashamed of where you are now. You’ll need to spend time getting to know who you are without your partner telling you lies about yourself.

Sorting through the negativity and finding the truth about you will be a challenge, but one that will have you discovering the wonderful and delightful you.

You may feel on unstable ground as you get to know yourself again. It takes strength and courage to uncover the self you think you lost. That strength and courage is within you waiting to be rediscovered.

When you discover that your relationship was based upon a lie, you need to redefine yourself and your relationship.

You’ll feel the push to discover what is true and not true about your relationship. Part of moving on may be accepting you’ll never know.

Before the big hurt, you may have defined yourself by your relationship. Suddenly that definition is no longer there.

Take time to discover the amazing person you are. Who you truly are is not based upon someone else’s definition of you. Discover your own gifts and talents which are waiting for you to notice and use them.

You May Begin To Doubt Yourself

When you believe you’ve found the perfect person as a partner or friend, and then that person leaves or betrays you, you begin to doubt yourself.

You may doubt your judgment. You may have thought you had good judgment about people but now you wonder if that’s true.

It’s not unusual to believe the fault lies with you. Yes, soul searching may be needed, but know that rarely are relationships all one person’s fault unless one person has a mental or emotional disorder.

Your feelings about the relationship and about you are often deep and complex. This combination can make it difficult to release the past.

We’ll discuss strategies to resolve these feelings in detail in a later lesson, so hang in there for now.

Summary

You’ve discovered that the following make it difficult to release the past:

1. Feelings from similar events increase the intensity of your feelings.
2. The loss of the future you dreamed about complicates your feelings of loss.
3. You may no longer know who you are, making it difficult to sort through your feelings.
4. You begin to doubt yourself.

In the next lesson you’ll learn how your brain, brain chemicals, and hormones complicate being able to release the past.

Before moving on, please take a few minutes to reflect upon how what you’ve discovered applies to you.

Reflection

1. List at least 5 feelings you have about the pain you are feeling. List more if you can.
2. Write about how you’ve changed from before the painful event occurred to now.
3. How have your dreams for the future changed?
4. Do you have any doubts about yourself? If so, please list them.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. I Am Allowed To Cry

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