The Mortician’s Child And What I Love About It

I am not usually one to read biographies or autobiographies, for reasons I’ll come to later, but it so happens that I know, via social media, the author of this book.

Kathleen and I have been friends on Facebook for about nine years, and we met through an experimental project being conducted by a mutual friend of ours (somebody we both know in real life).

Having said that, Kathleen and I rarely interact directly, and she has no idea that I am writing this article about her book (which I was only made aware of because she posted about it).

So, what is The Mortician’s Child?

Well, it is an autobiography, of sorts, although it’s not like any that I have read before – and I mean that in an entirely positive way.

As you may gather from the title of this book, Kathleen was the daughter of a mortician, which I feel sure gives you a different perspective on life – and death.

As she warns you right up front, in the Author’s Notes, the events related in this book are not in chronological order – and that, for me, is one reason why I loved it so much.

One of my big problems with so many biographical books is the fact that the events do unfold in natural time, and that makes them read more like text books, something you’d be studying at school.

The constant flitting to and fro is more reminiscent of how you’d tell your life story if you were talking to somebody face to face – one experience might trigger a memory of a completely different one, from a different period in your life.

At least, that’s how I think – my wife disliked the way I would move around during our conversations, because she preferred to stick to one topic at once.

But that’s not how my brain works – and it’s apparently not how Kathleen’s works either.

The book’s subtitle gives you a good clue regarding what you’re about to read: “The casket in our living room, the hearse outside the Dairy Queen, and the rest of my life six feet above.“

Most families certainly don’t have caskets containing a stranger’s corpse in their living room, and they typically don’t go out to eat in a hearse.

There are factual aspects about this book, to do with the profession of being a mortician, that I found interesting, although this is clearly not its purpose.

So, here are a few of the things I loved about this book:

1. It is beautifully written – there are turns of phrase that are, as best as I can tell, truly evocative of the author’s thought processes and feelings.
2. The juxtaposition of descriptive passages (e.g. of events that happened) with sections that are about her feelings and thoughts is wonderfully crafted – it goes from cold reality to almost surreal flights of fancy and back again, and yet it never jars or feels wrong.
3. There are aspects that resonate strongly with me, even though we have obviously led two very different lives.
4. It clearly took a lot of courage to write much of what’s in here – some of it was, I feel certain, painful because of the memories involved, and some of it is highly personal (maybe more so than an average autobiography is). If you’ve read some of the articles on this site, especially those in the Blog category, you’ll notice that I am very open about some aspects of my life, and it’s only as I’ve grown older that I’ve realized how scared people are, for no good reason, of revealing the truth about themselves. So I think what I appreciate here is the vulnerability being exposed for all the world to read about.
5. Following on from the above, I see a lot of introspection going on in the writing of this book, which I know can be therapeutic, having used the power of writing to work through a traumatic personal experience of my own some 15 years ago.
6. It’s a stark reminder that we never really know people at all. I’ve said above that Kathleen and I are Facebook friends, but even from what I see of her when she publishes posts, you are barely scratching the surface of the person beneath. And aren’t we all like that? We choose what to reveal and what not to, and we’re not always 100% honest about it – something made easier by social media. And this in turn reinforces the idea that we shouldn’t judge others – because we don’t really have a clue what they have dealt with, and what they may still be dealing with.
7. It’s thought-provoking – it has made me think back to my own childhood and my relationship to my parents and other family members, which is not something I do often, and I’ve wondered how my upbringing has influenced me and my life. (I have written about some of this before, but again, it’s only the occasional glimpse – this book has opened up so many more ideas about why I am the way I am.)
8. I find it fascinating that somebody else’s autobiography, somebody born in a slightly different age in a different country raised by a completely different type of family and with such different life experiences, can draw so many parallels in my own life.

As you can see, there is so much about this book that I enjoyed immensely.

But is there anything I didn’t like?

Surprisingly, no – I can usually find something in a book that I wish had been done differently, but in this case, I cannot think of anything.

Kathleen is clearly a gifted writer – this book won the Mayborn Nonfiction Prize For Literary Excellence – and I plan on reading another of her books soon.

Conclusion

In summary, this is an extraordinary book — it’s beautifully written, it’s fascinating, and it’s insightful, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. The Mortician’s Child