My Last Year On Earth

Today’s WordSmith Deck prompt (see this article for what this is all about) was:

“If you found out you would die in a year, describe what you would do for the next 365 days.”

I think that would be pretty easy for me. because the only thing I would need to do would be to put my things in order.

That would include making sure I have an up-to-date will (the only one I have was made during my first marriage, and that clearly does not reflect my current wishes), and that my dogs would be properly cared for after my death.

And most of that would be quite easy because I have no family, or, at least, none that I care about, assuming any of them are still alive. (I’ve not been in touch with any of my family for over a decade now.)

I do have friends and they would be the beneficiaries of anything I own – property, money, etc.

As for my dogs, I currently have three, all of whom are probably around five or six years old, so I would not anticipate any of them dying within the next year.

Since my friends would not be able to take these dogs in, they would have to be returned to the local rescue where my late wife and I adopted them in 2005.

It would be great if they could be re-housed together, but I know that’s unlikely.

Other than the above, I would perhaps spend time looking for information that might save my life, because the medical profession is far from perfect and is, according to some reports, the third leading cause of death in the USA today.

So it’s possible I might find a way to treat whatever they say I have, or maybe it’s not, but I wouldn’t know unless I looked.

The thing is, I don’t really have a huge motivation to live a long time, not now my wife died about 18 months ago.

I do want to make sure I don’t predecease my dogs, for the reasons given above, but beyond that, I don’t really care when I die – as long as it’s quick and pain-free, if possible.

I suspect the original question is really getting at what’s become known as your bucket list, and to be honest, I don’t really have one.

I never did, and even though this was a writing prompt a short while ago, so I created one purely to come up with an answer, there’s nothing I desperately want or need to do before I die.

There are places I once would have liked to visit, but not any longer. (Back in those days, I travelled quite a bit on vacation, but that was the old me.)

It’s true that, were it not for my dogs, and I had the money to do so, I might move to another country – France, for example – but that’s not because of a desire (or need) to travel but because I would rather not be living in the USA at the moment.

But if that doesn’t happen, so what?

There are no people I want to meet – I’m not, and never have been, into celebrity worship, and even if I did meet somebody I respect or want to talk to, what would it really achieve?

Having role models is one thing, but hero worship is, to me, a bit silly.

So, what else?

Well, I would probably continue much as I am.

Yes, with a deadline, literally, in sight, I suppose I could stop all of my work and only do things I want to do, but I’m not convinced I’d do that.

Interacting with customers is not always fun, but it’s a way of interacting with somebody else apart from my local friends. I don’t really have the usual social needs, but even I sometimes feel like I should be talking to somebody, in some form or other.

Some customers are nice, and easy to chat to (via email, mainly), while others are not the sort of people I would choose to spend time with – just like being at work in a regular job.

And while most of what I write is for work – i.e. articles for this site – I still write for pleasure too.

Sometimes, the writing I do for my site is fun, particularly the articles in the Blog category, such as this one.

I may choose to write more about my life and what I’ve learned – but not an autobiography, because I’m not sure who’d want to read that, given my life has not been hugely exciting.

Some of my life, such as my first marriage and divorce, I have already written about, of course.

So maybe I’d try to spend at least some time helping others to avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made.

Alternatively, I could just down tools and lounge around, reading, writing, watching TV, playing with my dogs, and basically waiting to die, and that’s not an unattractive option either, quite honestly.

I’ve never had ambitions, and I’m not sure an imminent death alters that.

That may be sad, to some people, but I’ve never been troubled by questions about my purpose in life – it’s whatever you want it to be, and not given to you by anything or anybody else – and I’m not sure what mine is.

I don’t think I even care if I have one – I’m a skinful of parts that is here for a short while on this planet, and while from an ego point of view, it might be nice to leave your mark on the world for future generations, most people do that by having children, something that has never been of interest to me.

I know some might feel I am sad and lost and lonely, but that’s only because they are seeing my life through their eyes – I don’t feel any of those things, and with only a year left to live, I really don’t think I’d do anything that much differently.

Conclusion

If I were a lot younger, I might use this exercise to think seriously about my life and what’s important, but at this stage, as you can tell from the above, I find it all a bit academic.

Having said that, my lifestyle is decidedly unusual, and probably not one that most of my readers would choose.

So, I would strongly suggest asking yourself this same question – because it may well bring into focus what you truly value in life – the people, the importance (or otherwise) of your work or career, your goals, the things you effectively waste time on, and what genuinely gives you pleasure.

The problem is, it’s so easy to become distracted in life by things that we feel we should do (and think), and by superficialities, that we lose sight of what’s important.

And as I’ve said several times already, probably, I don’t believe in having regrets, but if I’d asked myself this question when I was in my 20s, say, I do wonder how (or if) my life might have been different.