Stop Worrying About Things You’ve Done And Said

Have you ever relived a scenario in your head hundreds of times thinking what you could have done differently?

Yeah?

Me too.

It is sometimes funny and sometimes quite painful. It can create significant anxiety and self-doubt if you realize that perhaps you said something that was not received the way you intended it to be. Maybe you look back and what you said was not representative of who you really are.

I know I have said things in anger or frustration that I would like to go back and not say – and I bet you have also.

This is what being human is!

I also know that I have spent a lot of my life worrying about if I said something that makes me look less intelligent than I am.

While it is sometimes helpful to analyze past situations for the sole purpose of learning from them and continuing to grow, it also can get to a point where it is maladaptive to continue to relive a scenario – especially if it is creating anxiety or frustration or pain in you.

When you recognize yourself doing that, you must stop for self-preservation reasons. The past is the past. I know you have heard that a time or two by now, but it is true!

The first way to stop worrying about things that you have done or said is to realize that that time has passed now and you cannot change what occurred.

You may need to simply tell this to yourself. Say: “I cannot go back and change this so it does not serve me to dwell on it”.

You may allow yourself a set amount of time to analyze and think about what happened and then consciously tell yourself that you will stop.

When you notice yourself thinking back, it may be helpful to practise your self-care skills, especially if it is causing you anxiety: deep-breathe, go for a walk, paint those nails.

Do whatever it is that makes you feel better! Because, remember, it does not serve you to spend hours of your time thinking about something you cannot change now!

The next strategy that may be helpful in not continuing to think about your past behavior is to fact-check it.

This involves asking yourself what the facts are about that past event.

For example, a friend of mine found herself feeling very embarrassed after something happened at a work event last week. She had to ask herself: did anyone really see what prompted her to feel embarrassed?

She then answered herself and realized that probably nobody saw what was making her feel embarrassed. Then she had to ask herself if she really meant for that thing to happen.

She answered herself: no, obviously she did not mean for that embarrassing event to occur.

Finally, she asked myself if this event changes the fact that she is worthy of love and acceptance and she realized that no, she is still worthy of love and acceptance despite this embarrassing event occurring.

She had to remind herself of this affirmation often. Eventually, she began to forget the event and feel better!

What could be your affirmation?

If you have spent time analyzing the event and then given yourself a deadline to move on, practised self-care around whatever it is you think about and worry about, and event fact-checked yourself and still cannot stop worrying, it may be time to get more involved in your attempt to move on and stop worrying!

Perhaps the reason that you continue to worry about the event is there is some kind of unfinished business. Do you need to apologize to someone? Do you need to tell someone that something bothered you in an interaction with them? Do you need to make sure that someone understood what you really meant?

If you are asking yourself questions like these then it is time that you answer them.

Hopefully then you can move on and stop worrying when you seek answers!

It is not helpful for this kind of worry and anxiety to bleed into your beautiful and worthy life! You deserve better!

And if you still cannot stop worrying, it may be helpful to seek extra support.

If you find yourself compulsively ruminating and worrying all the time, accessing mental health services could be very helpful. Here are a few different options:

Individual Therapy

It may be helpful to you to meet a therapist and really spend time looking at your constant worry about your behavior. You can identify very personal and specific interventions to target this problem in your life with the help of someone that you build a trusting relationship with.

Remember, we cannot always do things on our own! Help is available and can improve your life.

Group Therapy

I have loved group therapy sessions that I have attended. There is something really magical about learning from your peers. Listening to how others are coping may spark something in you. Or, you may spark something in someone else that helps them.

This process will help you too!

Pharmacology

Perhaps accessing a medication to help with obsessive thinking and anxiety will benefit you. This is a personal decision that only you can make with your Psychiatrist or Physician.

Remember, though, there are alternatives to prescription drugs (which all have a ton of potential side-effects) that may work just as well, but without the risks, and there are reports available to you that look into some of these options.

Conclusion

Any of these options or a combination of them may be the answer for you to stop worrying about what you have said and done.

What is important is that you find your answer!

It is not helpful to ruminate about what is in the past and now out of your control.

If it makes you learn about how you want to be in the future, that is wonderful!

But creating anxiety and stress in yourself or even hating your past self is not helpful!

Has anyone ever asked you for advice about something they once did? I doubt that you told them they should be worried or anxious or angry at their past self. So don’t spend your time doing that either when applied to you.

A philosophy I try to live by is “no regrets”.

Who we are now is the sum total of all our past experiences and feelings, so if you had made a different decision earlier in your life, you may be better off than you are now – but equally you may be worse off.

The key is to learn from the past so you can improve your future.

So, find what works and practise it to stop worrying about things you have said and done!