Loneliness – Causes, Mental And Physical Effects, And Coping Strategies

People often lump loneliness and being alone (i.e. social isolation) together, but they are different, even though they may lead to similar problems.

Carl Jung said, “Loneliness doesn’t come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

So, you can be surrounded by people, as most of us are these days, but still feel lonely.

Or you can be alone (i.e. with no, or very few people around you), but still not feel lonely. (Social isolation is a different topic for another day.)

Background

Humans are social animals at heart – we evolved in small communities where people cared for each other (because it was literally a matter of life and death), and it was our ability to cooperate that helped us become who we are as a species today.

In other words, the ability and need to connect with other humans is hard-wired into our brains, so it’s not surprising that when those connections get broken, it affects us in all sorts of ways.

I remember during the early years of my first marriage that people would often advise us to have children so we wouldn’t be alone in our old age. Apart from the fact that this is a terrible reason to bring another human being into the world, I always replied that having children was no guarantee that they would still be close to you decades later.

In some societies (e.g. in large parts of Asia), caring for your elderly parents is customary, and even the law (in China, at least). But for those of us in the western world, where we move around frequently (e.g. for work reasons), it has long ceased being the norm.

It is believed that about 20% of people feel lonely these days, and that this number is rising all the time. This is sad, given that we have more ways of contacting each other than ever before – but, of course, contacting (e.g. via email, text, social media) is not the same as truly communicating.

This article explores some of the common causes of loneliness, the side-effects (both physical and mental) of loneliness, and a few ways you can deal with these unwanted effects.

Causes Of Loneliness

Here are some of the more common causes of loneliness, but it is by no means an exhaustive list:

1. Abandonment
2. Abuse
3. Aging
4. Bereavement
5. Divorce
6. Heartbreak
7. Not fitting in
8. Rejection

Side-Effects Of Loneliness

1. Antisocial Behaviour. Studies have shown that prolonged loneliness can actually make you more antisocial, which sounds like a nasty vicious circle to become stuck in.
2. Changes In Appetite. Being lonely may make you lose your appetite, or you could go the other way and turn to comfort food as a coping mechanism.
3. Cognitive Ability. Loneliness can lead to brain fog, poor decision-making, problems thinking, and even dementia and other neurodegenerative disorders. (While there are other causes of dementia, of course, it probably doesn’t help that the elderly, who are more prone to it, are also often lonely.)
4. Decreased Libido. This one is a bit unfair, but if you are lonely, it reduces your desire to be romantically associated or intimate with other people.
5. Digestive Issues. Also linked with other problems that frequently occur concurrently with those arising from loneliness, you may experience digestive issues, including either constipation or diarrhoea.
6. Heart Disease. Loneliness can lead to chronic inflammation problems, which may affect the blood vessels and tissues of the heart, leading to cardiovascular issues (e.g. heart attacks, strokes).
7. Inflammation. The inflammatory issues caused by loneliness extend beyond heart health. Any condition or illness that is a result of inflammation can also result, including, for example, alopecia, brittle bones, chronic fatigue syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, periodontitis (i.e. receding gums), premenstrual issues, and rheumatoid arthritis.
8. Memory Problems. Being lonely can cause impairment to your memory (both the ability to store new information and retrieve existing memories).
9. Mental Health Problems. When you don’t have an adequate support system in place (either because there is literally nobody you can talk to, or because you cannot connect with those around you), then one common side-effect is depression (a subject which I cover in many articles on this site).

   And depression, when left untreated, can be dangerous, with suicide being one outcome.

   In fact, loneliness is reckoned to be one of the leading causes of mental health problems in general.

10. Muscle Tension. Perhaps caused by the inflammatory effects of loneliness and/or stress, you may experience cramps (e.g. in your legs or feet), fatigue (e.g. in your legs), lower back pain, and weak knees.
11. Pain. Studies show that loneliness can affect the brain in the same way that actual physical pain does. This may be why lonely people suffer more frequent and intense headaches (including migraines) than others.
12. Shorter Life Span. People who are lonely do not live as long, on the whole, as those who are not lonely.
13. Sleep Disorders. While some of the emotional side-effects of other mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can also cause sleep problems, this is also associated directly with loneliness.
14. Stress. People who are lonely typically have unusually high levels of cortisol, the so-called stress hormone. It can spike in the morning, and never settle down to normal levels for the rest of the day.
15. Substance Abuse. Turning to substances such as alcohol or drugs as a way of trying to deal with the loneliness is probably no great surprise, even though it’s clearly not a helpful strategy in the long run.
16. Weakened Immune System. Studies show a positive correlation between loneliness and your immune system’s strength, leading to lonely people being sick more often, for example.

How To Deal With Loneliness And Isolation

1. In spite of its potential mental and physical consequences, loneliness is just a feeling.
2. Remember that loneliness is itself a sign that you need to make changes in your life.
3. Reaching out to friends and family is preferable to being lonely. If this entails joining a support group, or any group or club where members share one of your interests, then so be it. Alternatively, join a class so you can learn something of interest to you – with other like-minded people.
4. Reminiscing about your life has been shown to improve the emotional health and reduce feelings of loneliness.
5. Making a plan to spend quality time with other people, and sticking to that plan, can help you reconnect.
6. Helping others is one of the best ways to help yourself. So, look for people you can help directly (or volunteer your time at a local charity).
7. Adopting a pet can be highly beneficial, as I explore in this article.
8. Since these conditions are often associated with chronic inflammation, then anti-inflammatories can be beneficial. They won’t prevent the feelings of loneliness, but they can reduce the physical and mental problems that they cause. There are plenty of natural anti-inflammatory foods (e.g. beets, blueberries, broccoli, ginger, green tea, dark chocolate, pineapple) and supplements (e.g. alpha-lipoic acid, curcumin / turmeric, omega-3 fish oils, spirulina) you can add to your diet without having to resort to prescription drugs (which come with their own long list of side-effects).
9. Therapy can also help, provided you find somebody who is the right fit for you and your needs.

Conclusion

Seeing people who are lonely on a planet of over seven billion people is sad.

Of course, some people, by their behaviours and actions, bring it on themselves (although we usually don’t know the reason for those behaviours), but in most cases, people simply seem to be forgotten about.

So, if you are in that position and you are able to do so, reach out and either mend broken relationships (somebody has to take the first step) or find ways to meet new people.

And if you know somebody who is lonely, why not go and visit them, or at least give them a call? It really doesn’t take a lot to show somebody that they need not feel lonely.

I’ll leave you with this quote from the late Robin Williams, because it’s a great reminder not only to surround ourselves with the right people, for your own good, but also to look out for and help those who may feel lonely even when they might not look like it:

“I used to think that the worst things in life were to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with the people who make you feel alone.”

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Find A Therapist (US Only)