How To Transform Your Anxiety From Crippling To High-Functioning

Anxiety can very literally take over lives. Many people have experienced the transition from a full life to a life ruled by anxiety.

Crippling anxiety can impact our ability to function in relationships, in our work, and in the activities that we once felt we loved. These experiences are deeply painful and can leave you feeling sad or worthless.

I too have experienced avoiding people, places, or events that I once enjoyed because of anxiety. Significant fear of failure in relationships prompted crippling social anxiety in me. It kept me from attempting to establish meaningful relationships.

But this is not functional.

We are wired as humans to want to have relationships. We want to be successful in our work. We want to do activities that we enjoy.

And anxiety prevents us from doing that.

We have to develop strategies to transform our anxiety from crippling to high-functioning. This means that we engage in the activities that we once avoided, despite anxiety being present.

It is sometimes unrealistic to expect that anxiety will leave us, although that may be the goal. But it is possible to work through it. It is possible to function well despite anxiety.

It is important to note, however, that this looks different for every person. We cannot judge our experience with what high-functioning can mean to that of another person’s. That does not help us or our anxiety. Each individual experience is valid and important.

The first step for transforming your anxiety from crippling to functioning may be identifying what you want so bad you are willing to address the painful anxiety.

Here’s the story of a friend of mine.

“This was where my journey began! There have been several goals in my life I have wanted so bad that I have been willing to do anything to meet them.

The first has been my relationship. I value this relationship and love this person so much I want to be as present as I can. I want to function as much as I can with their friends and family because this is an important part of intertwining our lives.

To do so, I have had to work at my social anxiety. This has meant addressing my crippling fear of not being accepted or love. I have found over time that people do accept and love me.

I have learned that my anxiety simply lies to me at times. Now, I am not promoting the idea that another person should be our all-encompassing motivators for making changes in life, this is simply where my journey began.

The other goal in my life I have not been willing to compromise has been my running. Being a runner is one of my most important identities and I am not willing to let fear of failure that creates such significant anxiety for me hold me back.

This is something I still struggle with on a daily basis. Near the end of the week, as I approach long runs that are scheduled for Saturdays, I always feel for a minute that I should cancel the run because my fear of not finishing it is so strong.

I always have to work through this feeling because I love running and I am always going to work through fears and anxieties to keep running.”

Finding the things that you love so much that you are willing to do the painful work to address how to function can be the first step!

So, you have identified your goal!

Wonderful!

Just identifying the goal does not make the anxiety go away. Wouldn’t that be great?

Sometimes I feel that would be great and other times I am grateful for the hard work I have done to live so well. It offers me a wonderful perspective and it makes me grateful.

Now, you have to identify the steps to begin to function well and then you have to start doing them.

This is where the hard work begins. What are the small steps you can take to transition from crippling to high functioning?

My steps involved therapy, talking to friends, breathing exercises, and starting small.

Let me continue my friend’s story:

“I did not just go to a large party with my partner! I had to start by simply imagining what it would look like to go be social with my partner.

I had to go to therapy and get support. I learned to deep breathe and regulate my emotions. I learned to fact-check myself. I have to ask myself painful questions such as: “What are the facts here?” and “Is it true that they hate me before I have even met them?” I have to tell myself that my partner chose me, so I deserve to be spending time with other people that my partner loves. I have to tell myself I am wonderful and kind and deserving of friendships.

Every time that I do this I am challenging my anxiety. Every time that I accomplish another step, I celebrate it because it means that I am doing the work and my anxiety is not stopping me from living the life that I want to live.”

Eventually all of this becomes easier.

Over time, as we begin to identify what really matters and what we are willing to fight for in life, we begin to challenge our anxiety from holding us back.

This transition occurs from having anxiety that cripples us to being high-functioning, despite anxiety being present.

In fact, over time the anxiety tends to lessen. For my friend it has! In fact, she now hosts social events at the home she shares with her partner. And while it makes her nervous and she tries to be the perfect host when she knows she does not need to, she would have never imagined that she would tackle such a fun task when she first established her relationship.

An important piece of any transition such as this has been the willingness to accept help – which may look different for every person.

It may or may not include accessing mental health services such as individual or group therapy.

It may or may not include accessing pharmaceuticals or learning mindfulness techniques.

Whatever your journey is to functioning better looks like is valid and important!

Remember, it all begins with identifying what is most important to you. What do you want so bad you are willing to do the hard work to have it?

Sit with this question a while, and the answers, when they come, may surprise you!