How To Help A Senior Loved One Deal With The Emotional Toll Of The Loss Of A Spouse

Thanks to guest contributor, Sharon Wagner, who runs SeniorFriendly.info, for this excellent article:

As a senior, the loss of a spouse is a devastating life event. Not only have seniors often spent decades together, but many build a system of interdependency that is shattered the moment one passes – leaving the other not only sad, but confused, hopeless, and completely isolated.

As someone who loves the surviving senior, here are some ways you can help them cope with the emotional stress of the mourning process.

Understand That Their Grief Is Singular

Grief can be a strange emotion. It can come on suddenly, or it can be delayed. It can be severe, with many outward signs, or it can be internalized – almost to the point where the person doesn’t seem like they are grieving at all.

Grief can also be coupled with other complicated emotions like anger, panic, guilt, and even bits of happiness mixed in.

One of the best things you can do to help your senior loved one cope with the death of their spouse is to understand that their grief will be singular to them. Despite what you may have heard about there being five stages of grief, the grieving process doesn’t always adhere to such a neatly packaged system.

Grief can last a long time. Be patient and understanding.

Encourage Them To Seek Out Distractions

You don’t have to call them “distractions” of course, but the basic goal here is to make sure your grieving loved one doesn’t waste away into a giant ball of apathy. They cannot work through their complicated emotions alone, and you cannot be their only source of outreach.

Some helpful suggestions include working with a therapist, adopting a pet, joining a grief support group, becoming more involved in church activities (for those who are religious), picking up a new hobby or reinvesting in a long time one, getting a part-time job (even if it’s volunteer work), and simply hanging out with friends.

Just one distraction a week can help give a grieving spouse who may feel hopeless and isolated something to look forward to in life.

Keep in mind that if your loved one needs to work with a therapist, Medicare Part B will cover visits to psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists, along with covering a preventative depression screening once a year.

Help Them With Their Physical Well-Being

Grief and unhealthiness sometimes go hand in hand. Those who have recently lost a spouse often have a reduced appetite and trouble sleeping. They often don’t want to get up and do any physical activity. Poor diet, lack of exercise, and bad sleep habits are a triple cocktail of bad health.

Offer to go on walks and cook their meals for them. Do what you can to make sure they are eating healthily and getting enough activity. As far as sleep goes, that’s a bit trickier. You don’t want them to begin to rely on medication to sleep.

Substance addiction, whether it be alcohol or illicit or prescription drugs, can take hold in seniors who have lost a spouse – even if they don’t have a history of drug abuse. It’s vital that you know what to watch out for.

It’s particularly tricky with seniors, as many common signs like sleep issues, anxiety, falls, and memory problems can be mistaken for simple old age. Look for wild shifts in personality and/or mood, frequent asks to refill medications, and extreme withdrawal from social situations.

Grief following the loss of a spouse in seniors is complicated, and if you’re serving as a caretaker in the immediate aftermath as well as the months following you need to be prepared for a wide range of emotional responses.

You should do your best to keep them healthy, social, and free of substances, but never try to rush their grief or act as though they are grieving the wrong way.