20 Signs Of Mid-Life Crisis And 10 Coping Strategies

The term “mid-life crisis” dates back to 1965, when it was coined by Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques, although the concept is older than that, having been described by Carl Jung.

So what is a mid-life crisis?

Wikipedia describes it as “a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly shortcomings of accomplishments in life.”

It can strike both men and women, and it usually occurs during the late 30s to early 60s, although in most cases, it seems to happen during your 40s.

And that makes sense, given the average life expectancy these days.

When you’re 40 or so, you have enough experience to look back on your life, what you’ve done, what you wanted to do but didn’t, the mistakes you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned, what you like, what you dislike, etc.

But you’re also still young enough to realize that you do have time to correct mistakes and do those things you have never got around to.

However, the crisis comes when it hits you that time is slipping by, that you are half-way through your life, and that death is real – and I can testify to the fact that time does indeed appear to pass more quickly the older you are.

And you can panic that you’ll die without having accomplished anything truly worthwhile, without having done all you wanted, without meeting the right person, and so on.

Clues You May Be Having A Mid-Life Crisis

These are some of the more common signs that you may experience:

1. Body. You become aware that your body is changing, and rarely for the better. That so-called middle-age spread has started, and you begin to notice more niggling aches and pains than before. Wrinkles might start appearing, and even your hair can start to turn gray. And, of course, for women, there is the menopause.
2. Boredom. You may feel that life in general has become boring and uninteresting.
3. Career. You realize your career is not providing the satisfaction or purpose you once thought it had.
4. Death. Whether you are religious or not, you can start to wonder what happens, if anything, after you die.
5. Empty Nest Syndrome. It is often the case that your children will leave home while you’re in your 40s, and that can have a profound effect on your perspective. You see your children grow up gradually, but their making their own way in life, buying their own home or moving away to get a job, are sudden reminders of the passage of time.
6. Family. Caring for both your children and your parents can make you realize how fragile life can be.
7. Finances. As retirement looms closer, you may be worried about how you’ll survive once you are no longer bringing in a regular pay cheque. And it’s a valid concern – it’s believed that almost half of all households have no retirement savings at all, and others estimate that the amount saved is less than 20% of what is recommended.
8. Health. It is at this stage of your life that you may be diagnosed with conditions such as high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, or arthritis.
9. Independence. As you look back on your life, it can be startling to consider how much of what you’ve done was because of peer pressure, societal norms, and trying to live up to other people’s expectations of you. This is the time when many people decide that they need to choose for themselves what is right, to stop caring what others think, and to be more independent.
10. Isolation. Once you start pondering many of the other questions and issues discussed here, you can begin to feel like you’re the only person who understands what’s going on.
11. Loss. Nothing makes you feel like you’re getting old than having either relatives (e.g. parents) or friends dying.
12. Mental Health. You may feel angry, anxious, depressed, or stressed, perhaps because all of your responsibilities and experience are finally taking their toll on you.
13. Philosophical Questions. Coupled with questions about the after-life (see above), you may also start to have deeper thoughts about the meaning of life and your purpose here on earth, what is love really and did you ever honestly feel that.
14. Priorities. You stop to think about what’s really important to you, which may entail becoming less materialistic.
15. Relationship Issues. If you’ve been married (or in a committed relationship) for some time, it’s not unusual by this time to find you are getting on each other’s nerves, that you’re bored, that you’re taking each other for granted, and when you combine that with your kids leaving home (see above), which is often the glue that keeps couples together, you can start to question whether you should move on. Couples often talk about growing apart, but sometimes they don’t see that as long as they have their children to raise. And, of course, this can also be the time when people start having affairs.
16. Self-Destructive Behaviour. With everything else going on, you may decide that caring for your physical and mental health is no longer as important as it once was, maybe because you realize that everybody has to die sometime of something. So you may cut back on exercise, start eating more junk food, drinking more alcohol, and generally letting yourself go, as they put it.
17. Sleep. While they say that older people need less sleep, during your mid-life crisis, you may discover that you are sleeping more than is good for you.
18. Success. Sometimes, you may finish something that was important to you during this phase of your life, and while that feels good, it can also leave you wondering about what happens next. Do you even have a “next”, and if so, will you live long enough to see it through?
19. Trapped. You feel trapped in your job, knowing it’s no longer right for you but also worrying that you’re too old to find a new one.
20. Trauma. Even though negative childhood experiences may be buried deep in your brain, they typically do surface at some stage, and during the middle of your life is often when they return, often causing issues such as depression.

Notice that many of these symptoms can manifest as fear:

• Fear of looking older and less attractive.
• Fear of losing your libido and ability to perform sexually.
• Fear of no longer being able to have children (especially for women who are going through their menopause).
• Fear of ill health.
• Fear of being stuck.
• Fear of being alone.
• Fear of having lived a life without meaning or purpose.
• Fear of dying.
• Fear of being forgotten.

I can’t finish this section without mentioning the clichéd favourite, the middle-aged man buying a sports car as a last-ditch attempt to pretend that he’s still young and desirable. It’s funny but it’s also often true.

How To Cope With Your Mid-Life Crisis

So what can you do about it?

1. Acknowledgement. The first step is to recognize and accept that this is what is happening. Jung considered this a crucial phase of a person’s life, and it would appear it’s both natural and normal.
2. Exercise. As we grow older, moderate but regular exercise becomes more important. This need not be anything extreme – a simple walk once a day can be enough to keep your body moving (as it should) and help you get out in nature and sunshine more frequently (which both offer health benefits).
3. Gratitude. The practice of being grateful is one that is gaining in popularity, and for good reason – it’s all too easy to take the good parts of our lives for granted, so spending a few minutes each day acknowledging and being grateful for all of those people and things can help us remain centred.
4. Journalling. Again, I have covered the therapeutic benefits of writing a journal in this article, but getting down on paper all of thoughts and experiences can be helpful. It’s part of what I used to help me when I was depressed (see below).
5. Push Your Boundaries. Since boredom is one of the symptoms of this crisis, why not try something new and step out of your comfort zone? This might be learning some new skill or taking up a new hobby or sport. However, do this in a controlled and deliberate way – know what you’re getting yourself into, and why you’re doing it, and not as an ill thought through whim.
6. Second Honeymoon. If your children have left home, why not go on a second honeymoon and rekindle your love. Further than, try to bring the romance back to your relationship, and remember what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place. (I actually have an entire course, called “”How To Keep The Spark Alive”, here.)
7. Therapy. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional advice to help you through this stage of your life. In addition, or alternatively, you can talk to a good friend who’s been through this – or is going through it right now with you.
8. Think Before Acting. The temptation to make radical changes in your life may be greater than ever before, but you need to stop and weigh up all of the consequences – to both you and your family or anybody else you interact with – before doing something you and others may regret later, because some changes (e.g. trying a new hobby) are easier to undo than others (e.g. having an affair).
9. Volunteering. Helping and taking an interest in others (both humans and other animals) can give you a fresh perspective on life and a new purpose.
10. Work Out Who You Are. I have already covered this subject here. By doing this, you are tackling your crisis head on.

A Personal Experience

I definitely went through what many would call a mid-life crisis in my 40s – I divorced my first wife (after 24 years), left my job (which I’d had for about 20 years and which paid well), moved from England to the USA, decided to work from home, and married a lady I’d only ever met and talked to online.

But the trigger for all of this was chronic substance abuse – not mine, but my first wife’s.

I became severely depressed, for many years, and was seriously suicidal, until I made the decisions I just mentioned.

Were all of those changes knee-jerk reactions?

I don’t think they were – it was a situation that had been building for some time, and on vacation, just before I changed my life dramatically, it all came to a head. It was, as the saying goes, the straw that broke this camel’s back.

I actually wrote a detailed article about this phase of my life and the things that helped me get back on track again here.

So do I think I would have made all those major changes if my domestic life had been less stress-inducing?

I suspect not – my job could have been fulfilling had I not been deeply depressed, and I would probably not have been one to rock the boat at home either. Life had, apart from my situation at home, been pretty comfortable – I could afford to do most of what I wanted (e.g. eat out whenever I wanted, travel, and indulge my hobbies).

Of course, I’ll never know, and I don’t think having regrets or holding on to grudges are healthy activities.

Conclusion

So, if you’ve not yet reached your mid-life crisis, rest assured that you will probably experience some form of it, and hopefully the information here will help you through it.

If you’ve already had yours and survived, hopefully as a better, more well-rounded person, then congratulations!

And if you’re going through yours right now, I hope you find some useful information in this article.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Mid-Life Crisis Book