19 Tactics For Handling Autism Meltdowns

This article talks about how to deal with meltdowns that may be experienced by children who are on the autism spectrum (which therefore includes Asperger’s too).

Meltdowns vs. Tantrums

Let me start by clarifying something that many people do not appreciate – a meltdown is not the same as a tantrum.

A temper tantrum is usually a deliberate ploy that is designed to get something the person wants, and it’s something that most children will do, at some stage.

A meltdown, on the other hand is a coping mechanism and is not under the child’s control – it’s a response to something environmental that helps relieve the pressure they are feeling. These stressors may be one or more of the following:

• anxiety
• being ignored
• being interrupted
• changes in routine, especially if they were not forewarned
• chaos happening around them
• excessive demands
• exhaustion
• frustration, particularly if your child has trouble communicating
• hunger
• information overload
• sensory overload
• unpredictable situations

And children who are not autistic rarely exhibit a meltdown.

While tantrums usually involve a great deal of screaming, meltdowns may involve one or more of the following, and it will differ from child to child, and maybe even from time to time:

• becoming mute
• biting
• crying
• falling on the floor
• head banging
• kicking
• lashing out
• refusing to interact
• running away
• screaming
• shouting
• swearing
• throwing things
• withdrawing completely

Another difference is duration – tantrums tend to be somewhat short-lived (especially if you give in and give them what they want), while meltdowns may last longer (e.g. anywhere from 30 minutes or so, to the remainder of the day in extreme cases).

Because they are not the same, the methods used to manage a tantrum are different to how you should respond to a meltdown, and it’s the latter that this article focuses on.

Dealing With Meltdowns

So, if your child has a meltdown, what can you do about it?

1. Be Calm. The first and maybe the most important thing you can do is to remain calm yourself. Remember, a meltdown is not like a tantrum, so your child is not doing it deliberately – they are experiencing a major stressor.

   So, don’t lose your temper or shout at them (however difficult this may be, especially at first). Keep your voice quiet and calm, speak slowly, and don’t panic. Your child needs to feel safe in your presence, and if you appear to lose control, it won’t help them.

2. Calm-Down Procedure. You should try to establish some routine that will help your child calm down again. This may include some of the information below (e.g. finding a safe space), but it could be any number of other things (e.g. letting them listen to music they like, playing with a specific toy).
3. Carry A Meltdown Kit. Once you better understand your child’s meltdowns, you should try to carry with you a kit containing items that can help them calm down again. This might include certain music, earplugs, noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses, a soft toy, a stress ball, a book, aromatherapy oils, a photo, a specific snack or drink, or whatever you discover will assist them in their recovery.

   And while it may not be practical to carry a weighted blanket everywhere, you can keep one at home and/or in your car, because these are proven to help some autistic children calm down.

4. Don’t Tell Them To Stop It. This is akin to telling a person who is depressed to “snap out of it” – it simply does not work.

   The person is having a meltdown because they are stressed out by something, and until that something is removed, the meltdown needs to run its course.

   And note that this may require you to stay with them – or it may mean you need to leave because they need to be alone (as long as they are safe, of course).

5. Explain Yourself. Because autistic children often don’t like surprises or changes to their routine, while you’re trying to calm them down, explain what you’re doing, and why, at every step of the way.
6. Familiarize Yourself. Another key task is for you to be able to tell the difference between a true meltdown and other emotions / behaviours. For example, your child may be frustrated, and react in a certain way, but frustration and a meltdown are likely different – and you need to be able to differentiate the two.
7. Get Support. Again, after the incident is over, consider getting support, to help you and your family deal with such issues in the future.
8. Identify Triggers. You need to try to identify what triggered the meltdown. This might be a loud noise, a flashing light, the presence of too many people, or a combination of events.

   It may take a while, and, unfortunately, several occurrences, before you can accurately determine the cause of the meltdown, so you need to record as much information as you can about each incident – but only after the incident is over, of course.

   Be aware too that the trigger may be food-related (usually one of the additives / ingredients), with the meltdown only occurring some time later.

   The goal, of course, is to help you prevent future meltdowns by keeping your child away from those triggers.

9. Keep Them Safe. Apart from finding a place where your child feels safe again (see below), you also need to make sure there is nothing nearby that they can use to harm themselves (e.g. you should remove any sharp objects).
10. Let Them Deal With It. Many children will display behaviours that may be disturbing, such as blinking, flapping their hands, spinning around, and they do this because it helps them self-soothe.

    So, if they start doing this, and they’re not endangering themselves or others, allow them to continue to help them work through the meltdown.

11. Never Blame Your Child. Since a meltdown, and how they react during it, is not under their control, blaming them for it or for what they do is not going to help – not at the time, and not later. It’s likely they will regret their actions afterwards anyway, which again is not something a child throwing a tantrum would do.
12. Never Blame Yourself. Following on from the previous point, you shouldn’t blame yourself either.

    The first time this happens, it will probably be unexpected and you won’t know what works for your child.

    On future occasions, everybody makes mistakes, and even if you inadvertently exposed your child to a known trigger, remember that taking your autistic child out in public, for example, is always going to be a stressful situation, because you never know what problems you may encounter, so your mind may not be fully in meltdown-avoidance mode.

13. Offer Choices. Giving them a couple of simple options (e.g. “Would you like a drink?” or “Do you need to use the restroom?”) allows them to feel in control again and demonstrates that you care about their wellbeing. Notice these are closed questions – i.e. they only require a yes or no answer.
14. Redirection. If your child is self-harming (e.g. hitting something or themselves), try to redirect that activity toward something that is less damaging. For example, instead of hitting a wall, you could put a pillow or cushion in the way to protect their hand.
15. Reduce Inputs. Regardless of what triggered the meltdown, which you may or may not know at this stage, it’s generally a good idea to reduce the assault on their senses (e.g. try to find somewhere quieter).
16. Refrain From Touching. In many cases, people experiencing a meltdown may not want to be touched or hugged – which would be a common and helpful response with neurotypical children.

    So, only touch them if they request it or you know, for certain, that this will be OK – but remember that many autistic people have issues with being touched, even by people they know and/or love.

17. Request Help. If necessary, you can ask other people, whether they are family, friends, shop assistants, or complete strangers, to help out. For example, they could go and get a drink of water, or open a door, or any small but necessary task that will relieve the pressure on you.
18. Safe Space. Wherever possible, try to find somewhere where your child can feel safe. Depending on the trigger (see above), this might mean somewhere quiet, somewhere less bright, their room, or any other space within your home where they can feel calmer.

    Some parents have found that bean bag chairs can be very soothing to their children too.

19. Talk To Them. After the meltdown is definitely over, and assuming they are capable of this, try to discuss it with them. For example, do they know what triggered the meltdown, what would they like to do next time.

Conclusion

While this article is mainly talking about parents calming down their children, don’t forget that adults on the autism spectrum can suffer meltdowns too.

So, if you are their guardian or partner, or even a friend, much of the above still applies.

Either way, the good news is that the more this happens, and the better you know the person, the more likely it is that you will be able to deal with the meltdown in a calm and helpful way.

Unfortunately, with autism apparently on the rise (even taking into account the better diagnosis argument), it’s probably something you will see more of over the coming years.

This means that if you see somebody you don’t know experience a meltdown and you find it difficult to witness, simply walk away – you don’t know what that person wants or needs, and responding awkwardly or staring at them is not going to help them.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Aromatherapy Oils
2. Asperger / Autism Network
3. Noise-Cancelling Headphones
4. Weighted Blankets