12 Ways You Can Help Somebody When They’re Having A Panic Attack

Watching the suffering of others is never comfortable. It sometimes feels as though we are suffering right along with the other person because it is so painful to observe.

This is what is so great about humans: we are wired to connect and support one another.

That being said, sometimes you may think you are helping someone when in fact you are not, or even are doing the opposite without knowing.

When other people are having a panic attack, we can help them in their time of need. There are simple things that we can do to support our friends, loved ones, and even strangers if we are observing them having a panic attack.

Here is what I recommend.

Ask Them What They Need

Never assume that you know what people need from you. The person experiencing the panic should lead what they need. A simple “what do you need from me?” or “how can I support you?” will be very beneficial in the moment.

When people tell you what they need, be sure to give it to them. If they ask for space, give it. If they ask to be held, hold them.

Be ready to receive an answer and give the support. And if you do not feel you are able to meet their requests, you might consider seeing who else is available to support them.

It will be worse for the person having panic if they are vulnerable enough to ask for their needs to be met but you cannot meet them.

Ask Them If You Can Help Them Get Somewhere That Feels Safe

It could be that this person needs to be around less stimulation. Offer to take them to a quieter environment. Identify a quiet office or room that you could invite them into until they are able to calm down. This could be their saving grace.

People need to feel safe and comforted. Often times being out around a lot of people or loud noise will make the panic worse, so a few minutes in peace and quiet can help return them to their baseline.

Offer Them Some Water

Offering someone a drink of water could help to return the body’s symptoms to neutral.

This could also help slow the breathing and reduce the body heat that occurs during a panic attack.

It could help bring them back to reality a bit as well.

Offer A Guided Meditation Or Deep Breathing Exercise

You could offer to play a guided meditation or deep breathing exercise from YouTube with the person who is having a panic attack and do it together.

This could help normalize the experience for them and make them feel as though they are not alone. Especially if you know of a good meditation practice to use as though you too may have struggled as they are in that moment.

Offer To Play Their Favorite Music

Sometimes listening to someone’s favorite music could help. It might be country music, gospel music, jazz, or even hip hop.

Whatever works for them and helps calm them down is what you should play for them if they want it played.

Sit With The Person

Sometimes nothing helps more than having someone sit next to you in silence, doing nothing.

Just knowing that someone else is there in solidarity with you can be so empowering. It says that you see the person and you validate that they are struggling and you are there if and when they need you.

If this is what you do plan to do, try to not do anything that can be distracting or triggering to them. Try to literally just sit and be still with them. Do not text or talk. Allow them to just sit and be until they tell you what they need from you next.

Offer To Take Them Home

If you are out in the community with a friend while they begin to panic, offer to drive them home, because it might not be safe for them to drive themselves home if they want to go back to a safer space.

Offering to drive them can be really kind. Reassure them that you will help them get back and get their car later when they are ready to drive themselves.

You might also offer to get them something on the way that they love. Will a Starbucks tea help or even their favorite candy? This is a really kind gesture when the person is struggling.

Offer Them Touch

Some people really benefit from being touched or held. If you do not feel comfortable with touch, then I would not offer this support if I were you. However, if it does not bother you and it feels safe for you to touch them or hold them, please offer this.

Some people might be afraid to say that they need a hug or you to hold their hand or rub their back slightly. They might even be surprised that you would offer.

Ensure them that you do not mean to make them uncomfortable if that is the case, but that you understand sometimes a helping hand can be very nice.

If your intimate partner is who is struggling, a hand hold may be exactly what they are looking for. Likely you will know this person well and be prepared to offer this kind of assistance.

Make Sure They Are Safe

Some people may engage in self-injurious behavior during a panic attack such as head banging or hitting their head.

If this is the case, ensure that they are not doing damage or harm by putting a pillow in between their head and the wall or holding their hands if they will allow you to do so.

Move things out of their way if they may be likely to grab something to harm their self with, such as scissors or knives if the person has a history of cutting.

Offer To Call Their Parent

If a young person is having a panic attack, offering to call their parents or guardian can be really helpful, especially if they are securely attached to them.

If they want to talk to their primary caregiver, help to facilitate this phone call.

Talk

Some people may want to talk through their panic. You could simply ask them what is creating the anxiety.

Maybe there is a way to validate for them that they are okay and they are safe and that it will be okay.

Avoid this, however, if it may end up making them feel invalidated as it could negatively effect your relationship with them.

Distracting them by talking about something else they love could be helpful, as well. Ask them about their favorite sports team or any movies they have recently seen.

Remind Them To Follow Their Crisis Plan

Many people who go to therapy may have developed a crisis plan for what to do when they have a panic attack.

So if you know the person has a plan, you might remind them to follow it.

You could also ask them if you could read over the steps with them and make sure each step is being done.

Conclusion

Witnessing somebody having a panic attack is disconcerting at best, especially if it’s the first time you’ve seen it, or it’s happening to somebody you care about. I know from personal experience that you can feel helpless.

Knowing the above tips can not only help the person having the panic attack to calm down, but it can also make you feel better about the situation too, although this is, of course, secondary.

If you are likely to be with somebody you know has these attacks, then you can prepare for these situations in advance in some cases – like having bookmarked breathing exercises, guided meditations, or their favourite music if you know what it is.

And if it’s somebody you do not know, remember that being approached by a stranger, even with the best intentions, may freak them out even more, so only do what they agree to and don’t force anything on them.

Additional Resources

These are suggestions for those who wish to delve deeper into any of the above:

1. Guided Breathing Exercises
2. Meditation For Beginners
3. Pandora